Oliver Update: 2 steps forward, 1 step back ❤️‍🩹

If you’re new, below are the first two updates I made regarding Oliver’s heart if you want additional information:

I had originally started the day by filming a weekly vlog like I usually do on Mondays. It wasn’t my plan to bring you along for Oliver’s cardiology appointments, but a big part of me was secretly expecting for everything to go according to plan. The day took a turn after the appointments, so I figured I would update you on where we’re all at with his VSD recovery.

This isn’t exactly the update I wanted to be giving. But with that being said, we’re extremely grateful for any and all steps forward — regardless of how many steps back we have to take in the process.

All together, Oliver is doing better than he was before. We’ll update in a few months when we know more. ❤️‍🩹

[thenakedpainter]

I am a mom to a disabled child and a nurse. You DO NOT need permission to pump. You DO NOT need permission to NOT pump. You do not need permission to do anything that takes care of your child but also takes care of you. Always remember you cannot pour from an empty cup. Love your babies. Love yourself. Take care of your babies. But take care of yourself too. This is hard. I get this. And you are seen. We all love you.

[snaliens]

Please don’t EVER apologize for crying. You have a village holding you up so cry cry cry!!

[imuwmmp]

Hey Elyse. I'm also Elyse :) I work in paediatrics in Australia. You dont need anyone's permission to stop pumping. But sometimes people really feel they need it, so i give it to mums all the time. And I'll give my speech to you to. I give you permission to stop pumping. Every amount of breast milk you have given him is so amazing. To have done it for this long is so fabulous. You've given him months of extra antibodies etc. But a feeding relationship needs to work for everyone. And its ok to be exhausted by pumping. Its ok to stop. And you should stop if you're feeling like you're done. Be proud of yourself for what you've done, and now wind it back, spend less time and energy pumping so you can spend more time caring for yourself and having fun with him. You're doing amazing.

[randiaeshliman]

Best breast feeding advice I ever received. “nursing your baby is a partnership. It only works if it is working for both of you.”

[ellenkunkel]

Remember: Oliver worries about none of this. Look at his joy. You got this Mama.

[joys]

Dear Elyse, remember... 2 steps forward, 1 step backward IS STILL 1 STEP FORWARD!
And yes, of course you want to take the next step forward! We all understand that... but please, beautiful soul... Oliver has 2 perfectly loving parents... keep the faith and hope ❤

And there is nothing wrong with crying. If you hold it in, it will eat you from the inside out.

Much love 💖, light ✨️, and blessings 🙌 from the Netherlands 🇳🇱

[Katalina_K]

Medical ptsd is a thing. For people who are caretakers too. You arent alone with feeling horrific going to a hospital

[DinoReader]

What's best for HIM is a mom that is as okay as she can be. If stopping pumping helps that, that's okay! You don't need permission to stop pumping. He will thrive with or without the milk. Your oxygen mask first. You are loved. Oliver is loved. Thank you for sharing with us.

[harkirankaurkalkat]

Pumping is NOT the only thing you're doing for him Elyse. You are loving him, nurturing him, taking him to appointments, giving him medication, supporting his physical, mental and social development. Pumping is a small thing you are doing for him!!! If you are done pumping, then you are done. What you have done is fantastic and he is going to thrive, I promise.

[ninamikus]

Honey, there’s a reason why airlines say “please put your own face mask on before assisting others.” The best thing you can do for Oliver right now is making sure his momma is good to fight another day. If that means stopping pumping and giving you some more breathing room, you absolutely can, without a doubt and no shame whatsoever. Sending good thoughts your way. ❤

[audreyneal]

As a disabled person (someone who had Oliver’s condition and lots more) I really want to stress that recovery isn’t linear. There are ups and downs and it’s not gonna be a straight line of progress, but that doesn’t mean that progress isn’t being made. Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward and you will keep moving forward, even if it isn’t the progress you’d hope for. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. You are trying your best and that IS enough, no matter what that looks like for you and your family. You’re doing great 💜

[annalisabeth]

Hey Elyse - I received my PH diagnosis when I was 3 years old. I'm a 25 year survivor (now 6 years post heart and lung transplant). Oliver and I are certainly on different journeys, and I don't know the specific aspects of this illness you are dealing with in terms of meds / cause / prognosis etc (PH is a confusing thing with so many variations). All of that said, you remind me so much of my mama who would do anything for me. Know that the greatest gift for us kiddos is simply the love we feel when you are near. My mother's presence is my sanctuary, and your son is so fortunate to receive the same shelter from you. Hang in there. The medical mamas and families are cheering you on.

[tortaylor]

Crying is just your body’s way of releasing emotion it can’t hold. Never apologize for emotions

[cb]

Former NICU mom here. Stop pumping mama. You are an amazing mom. Only good parents worry about being good parents. Take that pressure off. Hopefully if everyone is sleeping a little better things will be easier to process ❤

[cindynelson]

I had a child who battled bone cancer for 5 years. I admire your and Jonas’ strength and residence. Go watch while he sleeps tonight and know he’s dreaming of him wonderful momma

[sarahleony]

To whom it may concern: FED IS BEST.
It’s so hard, I’ve been there. So much pressure to feed our babies breastmilk. Consider this permission to bottle feed or whatever works best for your WHOLE family. Much love!

Elyse, I’m so sorry to hear that Oliver’s progress has stalled a bit. Sending you strength 🩵

[nurseelle]

I am a mom to 2 special needs boys. I completely understand your situation around pumping. Both are now grown adults and there is no one who can say that X amount of breast milk made the difference in how they turned out. They have some of the same and some different issues and each had different amounts of pumped milk, direct breastfeeding and formula. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you to be the best mom to your littles. Making milk is not always the priority. I'm also an RN and a Certified Lactation Consultant IBCLC if you need an "official" recommendation to quit pumping you 💯 don't need it, but you have it from me. 🤗🤗 Hugs Momma ❤

[desertviolet]

Elyse, my son Jack is almost the same age as Oliver, born in August 2023. He also had his vsd repair at the end of December. He also has mild, persistent hypertension and pulmonary hypertension. I'm also just now weaning from the pump for my mental health. I want to be more present for my son and my husband. Supporting Jack and supporting Oliver is so much more than just breastmilk! I say all this becauseI want you to know you are not alone and I also feel guilty weaning because my son was tube fed. I'm terrified that he will backslide on formula but we are not the only ones who can help our babies. That's why we have our spouses and family and medical team to rely on! You are amazing, you're a great mom, and we will both get through this!

[laurennash]

My son was born with an ASD & PDA that he had closed when he was 3 months old. He also had pulmonary hypertension. I’m happy to say that after 5 years, he was able to stop the oxygen, PH medication, and remove PH from his charts. It took time and along of roller coaster rides.

Going into appointments without expectations is key to survival during this period. Right now it’s monitoring and documenting. Allow yourself be feel every emotion that comes so you don’t hold onto it. You’re in survival mode and mourning all at the same time. Emotions aren’t always understandable so just roll with it. Your heart is gold and you can trust yourself and your instincts.

[nathaliaacosta]

Hi Elyse! Mom of a kid that was born with a heart condition, this video brought me back to those dates. It was like watching myself 😢. However, a little hope will go a long way. My boy is now 7year old and he is the brightest sunshine. His first year is now a long fuzzy dream. Keep going, you’re a super hero mom and all the hard work will pay off!