'How I reversed my unhappiness' | Tal Ben-Shahar for Big Think

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“How I reversed my unhappiness,” with Tal Ben-Shahar

We were told from a very young age, whether explicitly or implicitly, that happiness stems from success. It's all about the attainment of the next goal. And yet, more often than not, achieving these goals does not bring us to a happier place, certainly not in the long-term.

One of the issues that people have with the pursuit of happiness is that it's a selfish endeavor. But is it? When we pursue happiness, oftentimes, we are in a much better place to also help others. The problem though, doesn't lie in the pursuit of happiness but rather in our concepts.

So is the pursuit of happiness selfish or selfless? According to Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar, it's neither and both. It's self-ful. Selfulness synthesizes the best of both worlds of selfishness and selflessness. The two work together reinforcing one another in an upward spiral of generosity and benevolence.

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About Tal Ben-Shahar:
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is an internationally renowned teacher and author in the fields of happiness and leadership. After graduating from Harvard with a BA in Philosophy and Psychology and a PhD in Organizational Behavior, Tal taught two of the most popular courses in Harvard’s history: Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership. He then taught Happiness Studies at Columbia University. A prolific writer, Tal's books have appeared on best-sellers lists around the world and have been translated into more than 30 languages.

Tal is an avid sportsman and a certified yoga instructor whose work bridges Eastern and Western traditions, ancient wisdom and modern technology, science and art.

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Read more of our stories on happiness:
Epicurus and the atheist’s guide to happiness
How to measure happiness: hedonia vs. eudaimonia
Happiness and why “happily ever after” is a myth

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Have you been able to increase your happiness?

bigthink

I believe that happiness is in gratitude and patience. Gratitude for everything good and patience for everything bad .This correlates with life's inevitable ups and downs.

briancordero

“It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness. “Victor Frankel

“Happiness comes as the unintended outcome of aiming at something else. When you pursue happiness, it will flee from you, but if you are lucky, you can stumble upon it when you least expect.“ David Wooten

pm

I grasped the concept of gratitude about 10 years ago. This has helped my happiness significantly.

Mikidy

For me, happiness is not a practice. I let go of my unhappiness in one small moment when I had a sudden realisation that i need to stop controlling life, or where it goes. I can be happy in this moment for what it is. And I am truly happy ever since I realised it. I trust where my life takes me because I believe flowing with the universe without any resistance is the smoothest way to live. Bad things happen to me, and i struggle, but God am i so content and happy even in those moments.

rrrrwwwaaarrrrr

The root of all happiness is in health, that is, personal health, community health, human health, and the health of the planet.

meandyouagainstthealgorith

I like to see it also as letting go of the zero sum game aspect. This is literally a world of plenty. My happiness shouldn't need to be at the cost of someone else's. If I'm the best individual I can be, it's in part because of the world around me - and the relationships which make it worthwhile.

euchiron

O CARA BOTOU A NAZARÉ NA THUMB... BRASILEIROS, NOSSA NAZARÉ É MUNDIAL!!

marcelohenrique

That line, 'the pursuit of happiness' is the actual trap. Stop pursuing happiness, it is not a thing you can catch! Happiness is appreciating what you have, enjoying it, and having the hope for more of it in the future. If you pursue happiness, you will never catch it, and if you feel like you have, you will feel the need to pursue more of it. You will become a slave to your need to pursue something that you can never have, unless you stop pursuing it.

richardduerr

Feelings come and go. Consequences last.

lessonsins

One of the keys to happiness is getting a dog. They will remind you to live in the moment.

lyleswanson

Within this advanced stage of my Life, I have been Practicing my own interpretation of Happiness, I have (mirror Neurons) and so realized that finding a "common ground" in between has brought me calm and tranquility in my Being. Since then, for the first time, I been feeling more optimistic about Life and me "being included in it".
That gives me a sense/awareness of Happiness, and feels good. It gives me a Positive Feedback...
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