What almost dying taught me about living | Suleika Jaouad

"The hardest part of my cancer experience began once the cancer was gone," says author Suleika Jaouad. In this fierce, funny, wisdom-packed talk, she challenges us to think beyond the divide between "sick" and "well," asking: How do you begin again and find meaning after life is interrupted?

[carpediem]

I also had leukaemia, I was 35yo and my perception of life changed. I learnt to forgive, forget and move on. I am a happy person and I love life.

[RoyalRebel]

Her cancer has returned. She's going through her third bone marrow transplant chemo again. I pray & I hope she'll survive this battle again.

[PLuMUK]

I really relate to this.

On my 50th birthday, I was at work, opening cards from my colleagues. I'd not felt well for a long time, but as I opened the cards I felt really ill. I managed to cope with the day, but by the time I got home I could no longer hold it together.

Next morning, I went to my GP. He decided that I'd got a chest infection. I was given antibiotic. The next week I was given a different antibiotic, and had a blood test. The next few weeks saw more medication, more tests, and lots of confused head shaking from my GP. At the same time I began to put on weight. In 6 weeks I went from a 28 inch waist to 5XL. I could hardly walk, and breathing was a struggle. 2 days before my next appointment I managed to drive to my GP surgery. The receptionist took one look at me and rushed to get the doctor. To save time my GP suggested that I drove myself to hospital.

They were waiting for me and I was taken straight to a ward for more tests. Next day I was told the I had 48 hours to live! I'd caught a virus, probably off a baby, that had attacked my heart. Viral cardiomyopathy is, I was told, a death sentence.

Long story short, I'm now 69, and the last time that I checked, I'm still alive. Despite being told I'd never work again, within 9 months I was back, and the birthday cards still decorated my desk. No one had had the courage to tidy them away.

A further 18 months of clinics, some vile medication that ruined my health, but kept me alive, and I was told that I was cured, though I would be on medication for life.

Like the speaker that was just the start for me. I had huge emotional swings. Sometimes I was ridiculously happy. Other times I felt guilt about why I'd survived and others I'd known had not. Other times I'd fall into a pit of depression. This lasted for 5 years, but came to an end when my parents died within 12 weeks. Strangely, they had been the rock that had supported me, without them I should just have fallen into despair, but I didn't. I now had to ensure that I thrived in order to fulfil their expectations of me. I had a goal.

Life changed dramatically. I loved my career, but realised that it was no longer fulfilling. I took early retirement. I realised that it was true, life isn't a rehearsal, this is it. I used to be wrapped up in my work, but that changed.

In many ways, I became selfish. I'd always put the needs of others before my own. Now, I began think about myself more. As Max Ehrmann wrote: "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself."

I began to do the things that I wanted. I worked with animals, adopting many that were near the end of their lives. I took time to listen to people who appeared to need someone to talk to. I did a number of different things, because I had made time so that I could "be gentle with myself", and this gave me time to be "gentle" with others.

I used to get a thrill when someone said that I was clever, or hard working, or good at my job, but it was nothing to how I felt when a neighbour told me that they believed I was the kindest person they had ever met.

Although I have never fantasised about being ill, I am truly thankful that I was ill. I may not be in the best of health, I may be on medication for the rest of my life, but being ill was the best thing that ever happened to me. It's made me a better person.

[lizlemon]

I'm crying. This is the best TED talk I've ever watched, and I've seen a lot of them. I suffer from crippling social anxiety and PTSD. This was exactly what I needed to hear, and I hope that I am brave enough to get out into the world and trust people someday. Not just be trapped in a prison of my own mind.

[loicf]

Dear Suleika,

You probably won't remember me.
We met back in Paris when you were studying.
At that time we did what regular people in their twenties do, hanging around, have fun etc
We barely knew each other but I could already feel the strength and resilience within yourself.
I've been following your footsteps from your writings and i have to say that speech from TED is outstanding.
It is so authentic and profound that it knocked me out immediately. Actually it gives me hope for our future.
Your are the kind of person that can make a difference in this world. Your voice is unique, don't question it.
You are the kind of person that can gather hundreds, thousands and certainly millions in time.
Make them understand that the key of this life is not to struggle... the key of this life is to let go
(of the EGO) and accept your history, your flows etc as you did it so gracefully on camera.

Embracing your vulnerability can not only ease oneself but it can transform it from the bottom to the top.

I could not agree more with you, as human beings we are meant to live... nothing less, nothing more.

Another journey is starting for you with this speech and I wish you the best.

You are the kind that IS making a difference.

Keep on shining,
Loïc

[alexhu]

I am a cancer survivor, too. I love ballroom dancing. I am not that great of a dancer, but I participated in competitions. After a lengthy open chest surgery and radiation therapy, I struggled for a year. When I decided to to dance again, rather than feeling miserable, I can dance no more than 8 seconds. A year later, I can now dance about 90 seconds. Still a long way to go for competition, but I will make it!

[Tubingonline]

This is a most amazing "NO BULLSHIT" Talk ever on YouTube. No Pseudo-science, no mindfulness crap, no sudden transformations. And yet so inspiring!

[SuperBrainStorms]

The last lesson my father taught me before he passed away is that when you die you take nothing with you. Since that day I share and give away the excess things I had accumulated at home throughout my 40 years of living in this planet. Extra blankets, gone. Extra clothes, gone. Extra money, if I can why not. But the most important thing I’ve been giving away is my time. I share my time with my family much more often than before. Actually, before my dad’s death I seldom shared my time with family or friends . Now that’s the only thing I want to do.

[kadeeraziz]

"...that is the trick to stop seeing our health as binary between sick and healthy well and unwell whole and broken, to stop thinking that there is a perfect state of wellness to strive for and quit living in a state of constant dissatisfaction until we reach it." This changed my view about health.

[karijane]

I just left the ER for the third time this week. I got home and had locked myself out of my house. Because stress messes with our brains. I needed this message so badly. I feel like giving up. Being sick sucks.

[marymary]

Thank you so much for this. When I was sick, everyone told me about how brave the people they knew with cancer were. They never complained, they told me. So, I couldn't tell anyone how scared I was.

[rubychew]

She communicates very well on a topic that most people don't want to discuss. She indicates that you don't have to give up on life. She and Jon complement each other well.

[strausbaughofficial]

Suleika, I am with you, right there. Mine wasn't cancer, but Common Variable Immunodeficiency. Undiagnosed for eleven years, I survived not only hundreds of respiratory infections, but Grizzly Bears like hemolytic anemia, encephalitis, pleurisy, infected lymph nodes, and sepsis. After diagnosis at the age of 35, I knew I wanted to reconnect with what was taken (Music and guitar), and completed three Masters' within a few years, but I had no idea how to live. What Life even WAS. I turned 50 a few weeks ago, and only began to appreciate and understand who I am at the end of last year. I love hearing your story, and moreso, I feel connected and related to you in a way that I simply can't with most. Thank you, you are awesome. Your words are perfect. You rock.

[HumansOfVR]

*_There might not be an inherent meaning in life, _* but the life you live is YOURS! And you can create meaning in life if you want it

[tombb]

What I learned from supporting a loved one through her illness:
- life and especially good health, are a gift.
- crying (in moderation) is therapeutic.
- suffering can be our greatest teacher.
- you will not be the same person you were after the suffering is over.
- few people are willing to talk about the effects of serious illness and even fewer will understand.
- we are meant to be there for each other; it is one of the things that make life worth living.
- I am absolutely convinced that if I lead a good life (God fearing), I will see her again.
Thank you for your talk.

[JawadKing]

I suffered a near death accident in Feb 2019 with multiple fractures. Now I'm lying in bed since then . Learning how to sit, stand and walk everyday through physiotherapy. Help me get my old working life back by praying for me.

[sri]

A year ago I was so frustrated with my life and I was at the verge of ending my life but I eventually held back out of fear of what horror my parents would experience if I had attempted suicide. Today I’m doing well, I still go through struggles but I am so ever grateful for every day I experience irregardless of how normal my days might seem. Somehow going through that rush of wanting to kill myself has made me appreciate life a lot more. I hope I’ll grow healthy, happy and safe and I love how I’m building my life slowly but with lots of effort and care. I hope anyone reading this would lead a great life too. Take care ❤️

[chezneys]

"These are the terms of our existence." This was such a powerful and well articulated Ted talk. I love love love love this.

[annieh]

I'm so happy you and Jon have found happiness. And I pray your bone marrow transplant takes off and makes you well! Getting married as you went into the operating room is unbelievably courageous. All the best.

[MariaMunoz-rznz]

A few days ago I watched your documentary with your husband. Now we know that you had to battled it again. So listening to you talking about the experience you went through 5 years ago I hope it gave you strength and perspective. I really don’t have the right words, I’m not very eloquent, all I can say is that you have touched my heart, and for that I thank you ❤