Real Love Or Favourite Person | BPD | Borderline Personality Disorder

Do you really love somebody or are they just your favourite person? How do you tell the difference?

[patrik]

I am surprised you don't have more followers. I find your comments spot on and interesting. I am in a relationship with a person with BPD and it is a tought journey.

[plarnston]

Thank you so much for this. I am trying to figure out if I really love my boyfriend, or if he's my favorite person, or maybe both? From what I've gathered from watching your video, my feelings towards him are much more "love" side than "FP" side, although, on bad days he does revert to my FP, on good days it's normal love. I think that makes sense, from watching this video. Anyways, thank you for this, it really helps, and you've earned another subscriber.

[suzysobrinho]

I understand the difference now. The only problem is I think my favourite person is also my support worker?

[TheRockStarify]

If the love is not real than the pain that isnt either. Everything is imagined.

[chloero]

I am in the process of healing and working on my BPD and I've noticed my feelings toward my FP have changed drastically since we met. I've thought I was in love with him since we met but deep down I knew it was dysfunctional on my end, how can I love someone I don't know? I've always had this pattern so I thought nothing of it. But recently I feel like my feelings toward him and even my reactions to him are no longer anxiety based (we have built a very good friendship in this time). So I searched the internet to see if these feelings are truly more in the "love" vs the FP side of things afterall, and I found this video. I definitely agree that FP relationships are based in anxiety and panic and that's not what is happening here anymore. I'm patient, I don't panic when he doesn't reply immediately because we've built trust and I know he will when he can, he's always been so good with my episodes and such even though he doesn't understand them... I think along the way it went from a disfunctional safety net of the FP feelings to genuine trust and love feelings. I can also see his flaws and it doesn't wager how I feel, but i acknowledge them. Before he had none, even when he definitely messed up (because we're humans and we all do), I let him off easy because I didn't see it as a flaw. Now I am verbal when that stuff happens but I'm actually choosing to have him in my life vs my brain picking him (which is how this all started 😅). I think he's actually a huge part in healing that fear and abandonment part of my brain... because after everything he has never left me and it has caused me to truly believe in mg worthiness and he's stuck with me as I've completely transformed into a different person than when we met, only getting stronger as time passed. I have never experienced that before.
Sorry for the long winded rant, but sometimes it's hard to decipher what is normal and healthy and what isn't so I'm really glad to have stumbled upon this video. Thank you for your help! 😊

[katiesmith]

Dude the way you explain things is always spot on

[murielbilly]

I'm borderline and found only weeks ago what a favourite person is. I was really angry... because I can't deal with the feeling that it's a bad thing, i don't understand why it's toxic, or why the feelings i have are symptoms not genuine friendly kind of love. I don't know if I want to thank you for opening my eyes soo wide 😊. I prefer to stay in denial and blindness... but I will thank you anyway. No one explained this so clearly, with exemples i really couldn't ignore anymore. I have depression, Asperger's syndrom and a chronic illness, so I go on psychiatric day cure for a year, choosing my days there when she works. We have a lot in common and i know she likes me, a little more than the others. You use the exact terms to discribe what i feel. When I'm walking on the path, my heart is bumping so hard, i try to see her by the window, sweating and thinking 'i can't do that, it's too hard..' if I find out she's not there. Almost in tears. I'm exactly this little terrified child you were talking about. She is my favourite person😮. I get it now. Thank you for your work, i will think about it to grow.

[Seymourmunni]

You know ive bpd i was diagnosed over ten years ago never done anything to help it i just said oh okay ive got this..anyway i was in a terrible relationship with someone and weve a 2 nd half year old together she got pregnant very early in unintentionally i never loved her and while it went on she became abusive and i was trapped or thought i was anyway..im now living in homeless accomodation and not been allowed see my son in nearly six months but i know while hes being used against me now me and him will have a relationship once i keep my head together in here❤

[bigkahuna]

I wish I knew about the favorite person and bpd relationship
I had strongly suspected my gf had quiet bpd but I never came across the favorite person title.
I never felt she really loved me... now I understand why.. I was just her favorite person

[antndeu]

Just came across this video only now. You got it at "that isn't the case in a SECURE bonding". How are you as a (healing) borderline going from the FP-to-FP-move to having a secure relationship? Even if it is a constructive person for a potential healthy relationship, how do you work through those same hardcore feelings like you experience with an FP, especially when talking about fear of abandonment and the trust issues that comes with that symptom?

I really like the example about the flaws though. But I do wonder, how distinguish the difference with the devaluation of a favorite person and the "repair" afterwards? One could mistake this for seeing the flaw and deciding to still love that person right?

I think its just really hard to see the difference once you are conditioned and the damage has done and the personality disorder has settled in. You constantly being on the lookout for the dangers in an FP even if they now are imagined dangers in a (new) healthy relationship...


Thanks.

[The.House.of.Joseph]

So, are you saying that all 'favourite persons' are out to mislead, hurt and deceive the person who sees them as an FP? I think that I am an FP at the moment and yet I have absolutely no intention of hurting him at all. In fact, quite the opposite. I actually think it's a position of responsibility for the FP. 😮

[rainbow]

I don't think im capable of truly loving anyone apart from my children of course
They're my universe.
But relationships? Nope.... Im not capable of it so i stay single.

[seanmichael]

I also had a FP that wasn’t my girlfriend. And I dunno if it ever was my now ex, but I was hers.

[surfreadjumpsleep]

Neurotypical people often have a favorite person as well.

[david-gfpb]

i needed to hear this. this was helpful. thank you.

[kostaspsomas]

My ex has bpd ..we had broken up again and in the past, is it possible to be the fp in the first relationship and in the second to be just love.

[religiohominilupus]

You brought up some interesting points, thanks for sharing!

I'm abit confused. Was being blind to people turning out to be disgusting just a hypothetical example, or have you really only experienced truly nasty FPs whom you perceived differently while they held the FP status?

In terms of livestreaming, it'd be cool if you simply talked about whatever comes to mind. I don't think everything needs to be scripted.

[miovicdina]

You and your ex should definitely get back together.
It's love.
True disinterested love.
She's the one.

[rihannahaiti]

Wow. Favorite person seems to resemble religion