The future-faked relationship

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[antoinetteb.]

I stayed in a five year marriage with a narcissist and I worked full time while he went to undergraduate school and then law school. He future faked that when he graduated law school I would be able to stop working and go to the university full time while he worked. Just as soon as he passed the bar exam he informed me that he would not be helping me through my undergraduate degree. At the end of the five year marriage he had a law degree and a legal career and I was still working as a secretary. I divorced the narcissist and I did go to undergraduate and law school at night while working during the day. When I happened to run into the narcissist 14 years later at a law conference, I was already an attorney working in a prestigious law firm and he was so envious of my success!!!

[thehighlysensitivewookie]

"You're not in a relationship with a person, you're in a relationship with a false promise." This... so much this.

[gigibtsurvivor]

My entire relationship was built on future faking. He promised so much and delivered a nightmare.

[steph]

They dangle a carrot, nothing more. It's a cruel game they play. Eventually, your heart cannot take it anymore.

[alo]

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

[mlebrooks]

Don't feel ashamed for falling for it. We all fell for it. It's human to believe that their word is their bond. Their selfishness is their bond.

[realhealing]

Narcissists know what to say to keep you holding on. You will never get what you need or want in a narcissistic relationship. I finally had enough. No contact saved my mental and physical health.

[nicolii]

They always seem to say - 'I don't remember saying that. You're making up stories. You're getting ideas in your head.'

[yukio_saito]

Toxic bosses often fake future. I stuck in a boring job because I took things my boss promised seriously. But things got worse and worse. I got sick mentally and physically. I didn't stand the boss anymore so I ran away from the workplace.

[TikitikiNacho]

This is why journaling is so important. It gives you a point of reference to look back on to validate your inner voice.
Whether you act on what you see is another thing. Trauma bonds are so very hard to break.

[spanishjedi]

Future-faker said: we will travel together, we'll hit the beach together, you'll be a great wife, I'll be an awesome husband, and lured me right in. I didn't realise he was using the exact same phrasing with other girls. Fell right into that trap. Luckily I realised what was going on before it was too late, and these videos helped me to process all of that. Thank God! ♥︎

[blueleaves]

I've lived in a house I've hated for 23 years, because we lived close to parents and in-laws. Winters here are horribly painful due to health issues, but I future faked myself into believing that we both wanted to move and get to warmer climates someday. Well MIL passed last year at 100 years old and not surprising that move together is never gonna happen. So I'm moving by myself!

[blondeambition]

So timely. I met all of his family, he knew what types of rings I liked, we talked about places for a small wedding (what we both wanted), best seasons to marry in, where we’d live together. And then the discard came. Future faking is so painful.

[l.abrahamart]

The Future Faker in my relationship, his life was “our” life, our great adventure, our life together… as long as I was doing everything he wanted. Everything included, never having a committed relationship, always showing up unconditionally, turning a blind eye to the bad behavior, dealing with the fall out of vulnerable narcissism behavior! Watch out for Future Faking!! Dangling the carrot for years is one of their tactics!!

[timscanlan]

I only spent 6 months with a crazy narcissist. Now I am in the happiest relationship of my life. She is pregnant and we are about to be married and just bought a property. I sleep soundly every night. My advice for people suffering from being with a nutter- RUN AND NO CONTACT! They will never be happy

[ShineBright-mb]

Mom always says “A promise is a comfort to a fool.”

[KrisWilliams]

100%. I spent 8 years in this. The first year and a half he talked marriage and kids, etc. He put me up on a pedastal, spoiled me with time and attention - until the dynamic changed making me dependent on him. Once that happened it was… we can’t marry yet my child is so young, it’ll upset me ex… it’ll get better when I get reposted for work. They get reposted and then as the event nears they’d start random fights “we cant marry now - clearly we dont get along!” I’d back off, frustrated and over it, they’d start asking me what I wanted to name our kids, ask where I’d want to live (he lived overseas, me in USA), how big of a family I wanted, etc. Promised things would get better when he got promoted, got reposted back near his child, when I moved overseas with him, when I got work, when we got married, when we had kids… all the while he was cheating relentlessly behind my back and following through with lil to none of it. And, when we finally married - the “when X happens…” started to dwindle. It became more of a mental and emotional assault. Everything was to be done on his time table. Worst 8 years of my life - waiting for the man I fell for the first 1.5 years to come back - who was never real. That was the hardest part to wrap my head around.

[movingforward]

Hi Dr Ramani. I've also noticed that disordered people desire to remind others of the "offers": they may have made... "I offered to do THIS for you, or THAT..." is a common dialogue, which could possibly encourage another person to be distracted from reality- and dragged into untrue feelings of appreciation, for something which did not actually happen. I usually attempt to remind someone who wants to be appreciated for reminding me of what they "Offered to do" that I did not need, ask for, or accept their offer. Most recently- someone wanted credit for offerring to drive me to an event- this coming weekend... which I declined from even attending. Even though I reminded that person I was not going to that event- this disordered person applauded themself as a wonderful person, and desired credit so often in every conversation- for offerring to drive me there. LOL The event is this coming weekend- and I stopped talking with this person weeks ago- primarily because it was too much of a red flag that he wanted to be praised so often for something which was definately not going to happen. It's a red flag which I'm grateful to acknowledge. It's good to have goals for the future- but each of us must rely upon ourselves. Keeping rooted in the reality of what actually is transpiring is a logical goal.

[alenagoddess]

One thing I realized was their needs always come first and anytime they're inconvenienced it's a red flag that they're never going to put your goals are dreams ahead of their own.

[dxoxo]

I have been in a future-faking relationship for 3 years. He said he wanted kids bc his ex-wife couldn't have any and that he wanted to get re-married. 1.5 years later he changed his mind about kids and then 2 years later changed his mind about getting re-married. Then when I was ready to walk away he changed his mind again saying I was the love of his life. Then he changed his mind about moving in with me, because I needed a better job and needed to pay off my debt. Meanwhile, he was the one that every few months needs to look for a new job and has over 90k in debt. I always felt like I was the one that needed to make changes. When he abanded our relationship 4 weeks ago because he needed to think about this kid thing again. I decided that I'm at a losing table and need to cut my losses. I'm scared to start all over again but watching these videos and reading about other people's experiences are helping. Letting me know I'm not alone.