Most MEN BLOW the FIRST DATE: why you are your own worst enemy

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On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#dating #psychology #relationship

[psychacks]

On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around.

Social Media



Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Book a paid consultation:

Sponsor an episode:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#dating #psychology #relationship

[SenorDroolcup]

this video is entirely correct. As I tell my 17-year-old son, “a first date is not about impressing her with how smart you are. The first date is about making her feel relaxed so that she can open up and decide if she likes you or not. Ideally, she should be doing 75% or more of the talking. If you are doing most of the talking, I guarantee you that the date is not going nearly as well as you think it is…”

[RLDrums]

I am an executive recruiter. I send people out on first interviews/ dates all the time. The resume validates the ability to do the job. I teach my candidates to not re-validate themselves with a speech about their value but to converse with the interviewer ironically getting the interviewer to talk more. It works. The interviewer, usually a woman, literally talks herself through the interview without having time for close ended questions. Then the kicker: when the time is running short, I instruct the candidate to gracefully end the interview. Something like, "I know we had 30 minutes scheduled. Thank you so much for the conversation. Let me know the next steps..." And done.

[Ziggler-kykv]

There's a book called Casanova Playbook of Magnetism, and it talks from body language and conversaton starters to dark mind tricks and flirting through texts, it's the real deal

[jackbradley]

"your actual existence has a near-zero chance of correlating with her fantasy"

Simultaneously laughing and crying.

[adararelgnel]

This is why, as a woman, I made it a rule to always give ourselves atleast 2 times to go out. Because we can both mess up the first time even though there may be potential

[marriagecausesdivorce]

The human courtship ritual is very a delicate dance between talking but not talking so much that you out her off. Working hard and being ambitious, but not so ambitious that you don't have time for her. Being a dominant alpha male but still being emotionally vulnerable. Being intelligent but being stupid enough to marry. Good luck, gentlemen.

[danteeightsix]

If someone likes you, you don't have to try hard to get their attention.

[FrankM]

I learned a long time ago that it's not important if the woman likes you, but it's more important if you like her. This allows you to ask open-ended pertinent but reasonable questions that are important to you, which get the woman to talk about herself. If you don't like what she says, how her behavior is, you can end the date, bid her adieu, and keep it moving to the next woman.

[freemindkev]

People will forget what you say, but they DON’T forget the way you made them feel.

Talk less. Listen more. Have fun.

[Onlooker]

7:55 this part literally made me laugh out loud. The less women know about the man, the better his odds. Isn’t that the truth.

[mikey]

I've been trying to teach this to guys for ages now. It's 100% fact. Every time!

You should never, EVER lie to a woman (or anyone for that matter), but the more you say, the more you talk yourself out of a sale.
Every detail you don't tell her about your life works to your advantage. Her mind will fill in the gaps with what she wants you to be. The more gaps, the more you're the man to fulfil her fantasies.

I don't even tell women what i do for a living on the first date. I'm retired (at age 40) and live off of interest and dividends. Boring! And she'll probably see that as flaunting my wealth.

Instead, her mind will wonder why I won't talk about my job. She'll make up her own fantasy. I've had women tell me they thought I was a drug dealer or criminal (which turned them on!), a CIA government spy, a hitman, a secret billionaire, a bounty hunter, an informant in witness protection, and all sorts of crazy stuff like that.

Men might be better at imagining things like how to fix the car. But when it comes to fantasy, women are the gold medalists.

Guys....stop talking and start asking more questions!!!

[Balloushop]

In all my studies on relationships, as well as the ones I’ve been in, this is the greatest summation of practical knowledge I’ve ever heard, and it’s being explained in the most sensible way possible.

Anyone who doesn’t listen to this man and is having issues getting a second date needs a few hard hitting life experiences to get the lesson.

[Excrucior]

No nonsense, demystifying, clear facts. I've never heard such a straight to the point, acute, sagacious, empirical talk about this. So many men (and women, as a consequence) can benefit from this. Pragmatic, practical, useful, game-changer. Exactly what is needed to be understood. Brilliant.

[Khan-rzqi]

In my experience, the vast majority of relationships or experiences I’ve had with women didn’t come from going on “dates”. It came from just clicking in the beginning and it usually history from there. I feel like taking a woman on a date in the first place puts you in a position where you have to impress her, the ball is in her court, she’s the judge. This dynamic isn’t healthy in my opinion because in my experiences a woman has to look up to you. Admire you and crave you emotional attention for a relationship to truly thrive. Kinda like Orion said with her being the adorer. Dates inherently puts the man in the position of having to be the adorer which automatically messes up the power dynamic in terms of attraction, raising the chances of failure.
I can’t tell men not to take women out on dates, but what I will tell you is that when a woman is REALLY feeling you, she’ll usually see a date as a waste of time because she’s already made her mind up about you, and just want to be around as much as she can.💯💯

[bennyblubman]

"She should talk 3-4x as much as you" This makes me feel so much better because I cannot carry a conversation but I'm a good listener.

[Satsui_No_Hado]

You're steadily becoming one of my favorite content creators. You're so genuine and wholesome and you give a different perspective than some of the other manisphere while still sprinkling your own special mix. I'm here for it. Many others are. Thanks for doing what you do brother 👊

[andramelk]

“swipe hundreds” … l love how optimistic you are Doc 🤣

[worksbydandeprez]

I got a good lesson in this shortly after I moved to Mexico. My Spanish was only basic but I went on first dates with women who spoke English well and some who spoke no English at all. Only one of the first dates with an English-speaking woman went well while all of the dates with women who spoke zero English went well to very well. I knew enough Spanish to answer basic questions and ask questions of her, and to attentively listen to her answers. I spent 75% of the date making eye contact and smiling and/or nodding. The woman was pleased and wanted a second date.

[a.town.]

I needed this video 24 hours ago…talked myself out of a first date by shattering the fantasy too soon.