loneliness - having no friends and being socially disconnected

I have no friends. I am excruciatingly lonely. Usually it's not something I talk about because with loneliness comes shame (for me at least) but loneliness has been a theme throughout my entire life. It's become so big now, it's just a part of me.

I've built up a fortress to protect myself, but in doing so, I unintentionally barricaded myself in with nothing but creative projects to distract from the tornado of loneliness I felt.

Making these kinds of videos is an outlet to that loneliness. And I just hope that someone out there watches this and feels less alone with being lonely. I really do understand it.

(I apologise for not scripting this video, I just couldn't do it...this video had to come from the heart.)

WATCH NEXT:

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🙋🏼‍♀️ ABOUT ME:
Hi I'm Kate Eveling and I create content to make people feel a little less alone and a little more connected 🧡
Age: 29
Location: United Kingdom
Today I am grateful for the connection I had with my dog 🥺

Thank you for your kind support 💗
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🧡 SOCIALS:
@thevftos (the view from the other side) on social media!

👩‍💻CONTACT ME:
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 I know how it feels to be lonely
1:02 disconnection = loneliness
2:04 birthdays and chronic loneliness
3:07 evolutionary connection
3:39 I built a fortress for protection
6:55 things that made me the outsider
8:49 the marriage issue
10:52 disconnected from family
11:41 storytime: the friend delusion
12:58 people have friends that do that?
14:27 loneliness became my friend
15:01 nye 💔
17:33 why i did this at parties
17:55 hearing this is hard
19:22 real friends are different
20:05 I can't talk to other females
21:45 desperate energy fr
22:52 the loneliness loop
23:11 social media and stuff
23:59 i'm on a different island
24:17 I really do understand it ❤️‍🩹

#loneliness #lonely

🥰 Some links are affiliate which means I would receive a small commission if you bought anything at NO extra cost to you...but please know I'd NEVER recommend something I didn't actually believe in! (this belief is really important to me!!)

[dahliadoll]

The worst is telling people that you have no friends, and then they say, "I understand. I only have three close friends." I want to scream at them!

[vertex]

"working on myself" is the biggest loneliness cope, I swear.

[DonRashad]

Thank you for this video. I can identify with everything you said in this video. I'm 28 and I literally have zero close friends in my life. I know people and people know me, but they aren't my friends and they really don't know me like that. Social media is the absolute worst when dealing with loneliness. Seeing ppl go on trips, vacations, birthday parties etc. with their friends groups knowing you will never have that really put you in a dark place mentally. I have No friends and never been pursued romantically ever. On my 28th b-day I was sooo lonely and sad. Birthdays and holidays are ALWAYS a constant reminder of how lonely you are. I was alone and sad on my birthday 'cause I had nobody to do anything with so I just stayed home ordered a pizza and watched Netflix. Sometimes you just wanna pick up the phone and talk and hangout with someone. But knowing that you don't have that really makes you emotional when thinking about it. Maybe its me? Maybe I'm just a non-desirable person to wanna be around. Idk. I really hope that one day I find my tribe of ppl who really love and care about me. But I doubt it will happen, honestly. I never thought my adulthood would be like this. I literally have nobody in my life. This shit sucks.

[MrWinMrWin-qrbn]

Totally get that feeling of wanting to hide the fact you have no friends from others like it's embarrassing. Learning to forget about what other people think of us is a great first step to breaking through our isolation. A lot of our pain is amplified because we care too much about what people think of us.

[dude]

being alone and suffering made you mature and this is of high value nowadays.

[bcordell]

At this point in my life, I don't even know how to get started making friends. I am 53 and have been pretty much alone for the past 15 years. I don't want to be, I just don't know how to get out there anymore. It keeps me awake at night worrying about being totally alone in this world and what will happen if I get really sick or something like that. I hope all you lonely people find someone to help you navigate this difficult life.

[phitness]

I feel exactly like this. I’ve never heard anyone else voice that fear of marriage. I relate completely. I also worry if I have a child I will be a source of shame for them.

[eugenierx]

Hey, just wanted to say thank you for making this video. It’s getting warmer outside and seeing people walk by in groups, talking and laughing while I’m alone in my apartment is just making my loneliness so much worse. This video was a reminder that I’m not alone feeling that way.

[IntrovertedLoLo]

It’s okay sweetie 🩷 I am 30 and haven’t made a friend since I was 18. I went to college and still came out with no friends. My high schools friends haven’t spoken to me in years. I think the older I got the more socially awkward and shy I got, and people don’t like being around that. Hang in there! I try to occupy my time with hobbies rather than thinking about not having friends.

[Ventdebou]

Same thing for the marriage here : so afraid to have no one to invite. Not having friends is a huge shame for me. I don't know you but you seem to be an interresting person and having a lot of things to say. It's a bit surprising you are so alone.

[vonvard]

Hi Kate. I really empathise with this. I'm 38. I moved to a small town to remove myself from some traumatic memories connected to the town where i grew up. It's not a million miles away from where i am now however i moved here not knowing anyone. All my mates are now married with children and don't have time for a lot of socialising these days. I work from home, and over lockdown i went WEEKS without speaking to another human i knew the name of.

My family are spread all over the country so seeing them takes considerable planning. I rent my flat and my landlord won't allow pets so i can't even get a car or a dog to keep me company.

I don't really have a solution, however watching this does make me feel a lot better. And sharing this is quite cathartic i suppose.

Take care

[Ebon]

I’ve never actually heard someone else feel EVERYTHING that I feel. Thank you for this and thank you to everyone leaving comments. Hopefully we can run into someone that feels the same and create a bond

[poisonivy]

Omg... Finally someone that gets it. Especially the part about getting married.Thats why I said that I'll just get married at the court house and have a reception for family. I think about my funeral to. Who TF would be there besides family and im sort of distant from my family so idk who would come.

[AndrewGMusician]

It’s so cathartic hearing your internal dialog laid out bare in front of you. From a clearly introspective and intelligent person. We’re frequently alone in body but never alone in our experience. Thank you. Wish you the best.

[danieltanner]

32 year old male here. Last night sent a breakup letter to my long-distance girlfriend because being in this relationship has done nothing but exacerbate my loneliness. She’s wonderful in so many ways but I’m all alone 99% of the time. And being 1400 miles away from my significant other made it worse. Thank you for making this video and helping me feel less like a loser.

[imightbewrong_]

Building a fortress wasn't your fault. You did what you had to to survive. It's incredibly resilient and commendable to have such stamina and persistence.

Unfortunately that successful survival mechanism leads one down a road away from others.

I have used the fortress at different times in my life. I feel that it has been both beneficial and negative. Sometimes I'm so grateful that I can be comfortable on my own and sometimes I wish I could be more sociable.

I feel for you. You words have touched me today. All the best to you.

[r.y.lee.]

I was always so lonely. I finally met a person who loved me fully. things didn’t work out. I left. every day hurts knowing he isn’t with me

[thg]

The most relatable video I have ever seen! The birthday nobody remembered or the wedding or future baby shower with no guests. Trust and abandonment issues are so paralyzing. I have been isolating and trying to heal for so many years. Thanks for sharing your experience and making me feel less alone today <3

[laurenphelps]

This video was like looking into a mirror! So many of the things you said resonated with me! Growing up my only friends were my sisters friends, to the point where my parents tried to encourage me that I didn’t need friends, which made me push away the idea that I could be someone’s best friend. I even had a best friend… who eventually left me and became my sisters best friend. And I love my sister, but she has this great life with all these great friends and I feel like I’m just a small part of that life when she’s literally the only person I think I can talk to and then most of the time I feel like I’m bothering her. My dogs are also my best friends, I spend every new years in bed with them and wake them up to wish them a happy new year and they couldn’t care less 😂 my boyfriend is a social butterfly and has so many friends I can’t keep track and whenever I tell him how lonely I feel his solution is “we need to get you some friends” as if it’s that easy and I haven’t been trying to do that. Also cracked my up how you said you wanted to meet friends in tesco! I have the exact same thoughts 😂😂 I’m a tattooist and I also struggle connecting with women, so when I have a nice interaction with a female client I’m like “oh my god this could be it, I may have just made a friend” and then nothing comes from our nice interaction and I’m like “yeah they were just being nice they probably already have friends” which also upsets me that I can be someone’s friend, but I’m never a best friend, they always have a closer group of friends they grew up with or went to school with and I feel like I’m just too late to join the party now, whatever friend I might manage to make will always have a closer friend already! Anyway, that’s my 2pence more like £2, your emotional vulnerability made me feel emotionally vulnerable! 😂 you’re totally not alone, and it sucks, but we move ♥️

[SelfDeprecating]

Who let you into my head? 😅 It’s actually quite scary how closely the thoughts and experiences you share in this video parallel my own, especially your NYE story. I suppose in away it’s a bit more cathartic than scary as it does make me feel a little less alone. That didn’t stop me shedding a tear, though!

This video came at the perfect time for me; I’ve been in something of a loneliness rut myself lately. Like you, I’ve got a great family, but it’s not the same, is it? I know my family are there unconditionally, and I just want a friend to be in my life because they want to spend time with me.

With the way you come across on camera, you seem like someone who has so much to give to potential friends, and I couldn’t imagine you being lonely. It just goes to show how my expectations don’t always match up with someone’s reality. I feel and understand your pain, and I hope that, somehow, you can get what you want and deserve.

So from inside one fortress to another, thank you for sharing 🧡