Complicated Grief: Q & A with Dr. M. Katherine Shear

Do you wonder: What is complicated grief? How is it different from grief and depression? And can anything help? Dr. M. Katherine Shear sits down with the Irish Hospice Foundation to address these questions.

[nineangels]

My doctor labeled my grief complicated as I lost my dad, mom & 16 year old pet all within months of each other. They were my world. I didn't return to work after or could I focus. Thankfully, I was at an age I could retire. I did get better over time by moving away to a place that would promote my healing, getting counseling & making nature a big part of my daily life.

[Kay-pbtm]

So very helpful and is what i am going through since losing my Husband, Tony, 21 months ago. I should have fought harder for Drs to save him. 😢💔. Thank you 😢

[GARYBOY]

Thankfully our Hospice provided 13 months of free counseling to me when my wife passed. That became very helpful to me at the end. They also offered classes with fellow grievers but those became gripe sessions and basically everyone comparing themselves to each other to "out grieve" each other- I left after just 3 of those things! It is now coming up on 3 years and by about 2 and a month I had enough and made the decision to turn the corner. Its still grief coming along for my ride but now I am driving it and it doesn't drive me. I will grieve forever after 44 years of marriage and at 67 who knows how long. But the miserable me has morphed into a better me- not without grieving and tears and every day a memory but someone who will move forward tired of being so miserable that I carried myself in my own tomb every day. Till we meet again is how I feel and happy and proud of what we had.

[jennifermccormick]

I have watched tons of these kind of videos but not one of them has made me feel like this one did. I lost my son 11 years ago and the pain still hurts today like it did on April 18th 2003. I wish there was help in my area. You would think after 11 years I would be better but I don't feel any different than the day my son passed away. His birthday is March 18th and I struggle every year thinking it will get better but it doesn't. Unless you've lost a child there is no way of knowing what this pain feels like.

[steveclark]

Grief is a loss of someone you love, you really feel that loss, emptyness, unwelcome change because you have to find something else to live for. My memories are so important because it keeps me connected to that person. That person was my Dad, but it also means my mum AND Dads togetherness working to support and love me which is missing, that relationship formed our family of 4 kids, we always had them together. That functioning unity has gone and that family falls apart, and lots of the in laws of the deceased man also falls apart. So I grieve so many connections I had, brothers and sisters 'move on', my mum is still alive but has a loss of what operated well in there marriage, to keep the family united. So 58 years I knew a mum and Dad, now I have got to rebuild a completely new life for myself, not supported by my parents, I think it's The biggest change I have to face 😔

[maxalberts]

Freud was aware of the issue of grief long ago, defining it as a short-lived manic depressive state. Complicated grief is a term bandied about by therapists, but its effects vary from person to person. Death breaks a living bond, sometimes a bond that defined an entire lifetime. There's no getting over that.

[saigenrose]

I've lost a lot of my family members back to back with cancer & my best friend. It has been a nightmare basically & I have been traumatized by all of the losses, my life will never be the same, my way of thinking went from peppy to serious nothing to do with happiness or allowing anyone to get close to me, want to go anywhere with friends. I am also going through grieving before it's happening again, I don't want to be abandoned, left behind Or lose anyone else in my life that I know or that I am close to. I am very afraid about everything. I'm scared of the future it's been 20 years later after my best friends death & I'm still not over it. People that don't understand will never understand about anything.

[blessingnzewi]

I have being watching lots of videos about grieving but non has touched me the way yours did, cos after hearing you speak now, I feel like am really going thru complicated grief cos I lost my darling younger brother of 25years in an accident 18months ago, and I have being trying to pull myself together to move on but it has not being easy for me till now cos I don't find pleasure in anything in life anymore like I used to, I don't have the zeal and determination in life anymore, I stay indoors a lot, I get angry easily sometimes, I eat a lot sometimes, I take to drinking alcohol a lot more now just to feel better and sleep off even though it gives me headache afterwards and I just shut out from people and kind of feeling frustrated, sad, confused and more, sometimes i wished i would have don something to stop it, sometimes i feel like am dreaming and like as if he traveled on a long journey and might be back someday and the worst of all is that sometimes i feel like stop working cos i don't find pleasure in it anymore, sometimes i feel like dying, sometimes its like am loosing my mind, So I need your help to get better from this cos its getting worst by the day.

[jeffreyferral]

Nothing so fixes a thing so firmly in the memory. As the wish to forget it

[RangerHouston]

I lost both my parents at a young age, it's been 10+ years but I still feel that deep pain every single day, when I wake up, when I go to sleep.
It effects my sleep, my relationships and everything in between. I just can't get over it and I don't know what to do; I'm afraid if I seek medical help it will negativity effect my job (moreso than now)

[ELizabeth_Beeza]

Seems I get both of them.
Coplicated Grief and Depression.

I never heard of Complicated Grief until Now.

[franktroina]

i lost my wife 12 years ago while i was at work my son had to handle everything till i got home she died three days later without waking up. i have had this grief for all this time.

[heidimedel]

Amen! I just barely came out of complicated grief. I lost my 53 year old dad in 2011 to brain cancer and everyone bailed on me; I was so sick and riddled with cancer from pharmaceuticals; and that Prednisone wipped out my psyche and helped me have a 6 year long nervous breakdown. I reach out for help and I didn't get any. Professionals were mostly invalidating to me.

[Silje]

My dad died of cancer in February 2010, I was 15 at the time, turning 16 that year. I have had a really hard time coping with this, I don't feel like it has gotten any better with time. I started high school later that year, but wasn't even able to finish the first year, everything just felt too much. I just started staying at home, and I still am. I have to say that the grief wasn't my only problem though, I also struggle with really intense headaches that makes me feel like I can barely move sometimes. But the grief is still a huge part. I just don't know how things can get better, I spend all my days at home in front of the tv or pc, unable to confront real life. I don't have much of a social life. I don't know why I'm writing all this down in a youtube comment, I'm just feeling really down today. Missing my dad and my old life. Everything is just messed up now..

[jonathanpowell]

I lost my mother who was murdered in 1996. Even though our relationship was complicated, I don't feel any sense of 'getting over her death'. I feel like I am being consumed by anger and loss. I am not and never will be violent but i feel consumed by rage and negativity which as i get older is still a prevalent and consuming factor in my life. It feels very selfish and unbearably never ending, we all live very complicated lives. X

[CenterforPG]

For more information about complicated grief visit us at www.complicatedgrief.org.

[moodylicious]

Thank you for the one "like". I deleted initial story that sat there for some 8 months or so after leaving my guts spread on the page. I don't know what compelled me to write it. Must have been one of my worst moments of grief, hoping someone would share their experience or drop a word of care. Stupid idea bound to receive nothing of any value, assistance, empathy, advice or whatever, as time proved. People most times just don't care.

[kayaswift]

I have pstd borderline personality disorder and complicated grief.I hear its been year's.You need to focus on other stuff.They are in a better place and they would want you to move on.No-one understands it if they dont have it.

[darksideofthenation]

what about someone who is both depressed and has complicated grief?

[princessmissy]

This is actually complicated grief: when your adult son is an addict and you've had to shut him completely off - you don't know where he is or what he's doing, just that you're not enabling him any more; your husband is ill and has to be hospitalized for 4 days; days later, your mother-in-law dies from a fatal illness; after the death, your husband's health gets worse again; you and your husband have your elderly father living in the house with you; and finally, you yourself are disabled with multiple illnesses, including bipolar. THAT is complicated grief!! You are grieving the permanent loss of your own health, the permanent loss of your disabled husband's health, the loss of your son to drugs and alcohol, and the death of your mother-in-law, all at the same time!