Stop Making Self-Defeating Goals: How to Set Better Goals With This One Shift in Thinking

Most people don't realize it, but they are accidentally setting negative goals, and this just isn't how your brain works. If you want to set better goals, then you need to learn how to set positive goals. In this video, I'll teach you everything you need to know.

This video was sponsored by Skillshare.

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[rebeccajones]

I learned in motorcycle safety school to focus on where you want to go. Look past the obstacles.

[nicoleonfeels]

Focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want is key!

[natashamudford]

"I am the master of my own bladder"* instead of "I will not pee on myself, " really works when you are rushing to the bathroom and fumbling with belt, zipper, etc. I use it all the time!

*I saw this on Big Bang Theory TV show.

[and]

Wow, incredible content 🤯 This is huge for me because I was always taught that being a pessimist is how you can be realistic in setting goals. But I realize that pessimism is mainly a method of self-sabotage.

[a.o.]

I would like to be more calm and find more joy in daily activities.

[abbeyyuyingwang]

Instead of saying “ i don’t want bad grades and I shouldn’t let fears and worries hinder my actions.” I could be saying, “ I will enjoy the creative process of producing a new exciting project, I will set out a manageable schedule that will ensure me to get done all the things I need to do. Although obstacles may present, but I have the abilities to overcome them and I can always seek for help from tutors.”

[UltraLeetJ]

"avoiding the things you dont want will not bring you closer to the ones you want that give you the focus to achieve what you want" .. this is gold

[natashamudford]

I used to have a government job that required yearly performance evaluations. If you didn't pass, you would get to re-test... but could fail enough to be fired. Of course, this made many employees quite nervous. Most often, my co-workers would wish each other luck when they went to test. But I don't believe in luck, so I would say, "You got this. Go show them how it's done!" Also, when I was heading to the testing location, I would pray to the Holy Spirit to remind me of everything I needed to do during the test. Notice I did not pray, "Don't let me forget..."

Also, I would give myself a reward after the test. For passing: an ice cream cone. For passing perfectly: loose tea from Teavana.

[nassimrzp]

I am currently on my cardiology rotation in meds school and I'm pretty stressed about how much of the things I don't know . It would be awsome if I fully watch ECG videos and a round of reading through all the important chapters within these 3 weeks that's left of my rotation .

[lydiaalblas]

To finish all of my grad school applications!

[vivianacampbell]

To wake up in the morning with a smile and motivation to take on the day instead of feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

[carolinechapman]

Another great idea thankyou Emma. Retired now, but in schools we used to frame the class rules positively eg instead of 'don't shout' it might be 'use your inside voice' or instead of 'no hitting' it would be 'keep your hands to yourself'. Ie observable/measurable.

[everythingisspiritual]

Thanks for all you share. Your passion and energy is incredibly evident.

[Christina-xuyd]

I have just started watching and have now shared this with my sister. I am trying to over come depression and anxiety.

[frierbrandon]

Olympian Lanny Basshams Book With Winning in Mind speaks about these positive goals brilliant book

[thatsaniceboulder]

I’d say things like: keep your feet on the path (don’t run into the street), put your hands on the car (don’t run away while I’m putting stuff in the car), keep your feet on the ground (don’t climb up there), put your hands and feet in good places (omg you’re gonna fall! Get down now!), stay close (don’t run away).

[carol]

I would like to be really calm when I have a doctor appointment. I don't sleep for a week before the appointment so I my blood pressure will be very high and I am exhausted until a day or two later its back to normal. For me seeing a doctor always means finding the wrong things about one self and feeling like a failure.

[kyliewilson]

Wonderful video i love them all so much. They calm me down and give me hope but how can we deal with too many goals that are priority. I tend to feel so guilty for not doing one goal and so everything goes to pot. Thank you

[v.a.]

This video was really helpful, thank you.

[TheEarthycrunchy]

You are so amazing. Thank you for helping me become a better human. 💛