8 Ways To Outsmart The Controlling Narcissist

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Living with a narcissist can be incredibly difficult. They're often controlling and manipulative, and can make your life a living hell. If you've been struggling to find a way to outsmart the narcissist in your life, look no further. In this video I share 8 powerful ways to get the upper hand!

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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.

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The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for
the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact an attorney in your state to obtain legal advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.

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1. Don't take their bait (it feeds their ego).
2. Don't engage in conversations about the past. ( A typical deflection trick)
3. Set boundaries.
4. Don't try to change or 'fix' them. It WON”T work.
5. Remember that your self worth DOESN'T depend on them. Every moment you spend on them you are giving them what they want, not what you need.
6. Stay positive and upbeat around them. (Let it all roll over you and when see they can't use you any more, they will leave you alone (for now))
7. Maintain your independence and individuality (but be prepared for drama and manipulation)
8. Get professional help if needed (don't tell the narcissist or they will use it against you!)

legaleagle
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If you get professional help of any sort, DON'T tell the narcissist. They will use it against you!

legaleagle
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This is true. I once overheard a Narc saying some disrespectful things trying to get a reaction--they can get nasty.

carlydaniels
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Slaying the Bully right now! I told him I know the emotional stuff is never going to change. He didn’t disagree with me. I cannot leave because of financial reasons, and he is not a physical narcissist. Just emotional and verbal and tries to be a controlling bully behind closed doors. I certainly handle myself there. But Thanks to Rebecca I have decided to put her negotiating tactics to the test. He has some secrets that only I know that he doesn’t want revealed. And not about being a narc. So, I got over the guilt as I’m not the kinda person to hold things over people’s heads. He thinks I’ll tell but I won’t. I just say you’re going to be embarrassed not me if people find out. I told him 17 years you do want you want every day without regard. I said now it’s my turn. All I want is for you to keep up maintaining the house, our yard, etc without the bitching. I also made a wish list and told him it’s getting done by you whether you like it or not- the vacation he promised me years ago, a new(er) car, etc. I told him money is the only thing you understand, so from now on I’m going to get what I want. I’ve freaking earned it. So we agreed. Every situation every narc/ normal person relationship is different. I worded my demands with versions of her negotiation tactics. I have to say, leaving the emotional part out already feels good to me. He’s a very good, hard worker we’ve never had any problems there. Standing up for myself!

jl
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Ohh, I like your book title, "Slay the Bully" 🐂♉

steveedward
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Thank you Rebecca. I enjoy your videos because I always learn.

Item #5, in my humble opinion, I say do not rely on anyone especially the narcissist in order to obtain your worth or value. People can be fickle and change their mind about you. Love yourself. Know that you have worth and value. You deserve to be loved and respected. 😊❤️🌺🦋

NikkiGRocksEver
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Great video. I can do this. Stay safe sisters and brothers 🙏❤️

Abracadabra
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Agreed! One topic I’d love to hear about is how to deal w/a narcissistic male sociopath!

FeistyMimi
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Slay the dragon! Thank you Rebecca❤ your help and assistance are invaluable. ❤ God bless you❤

izawaniek
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Thank you for all these tips about moving forward!! I don't ever want to be stuck living in the past, and it's just getting past the trauma now. Please give us helpful tips on healing trauma triggers.

stardustsparkles
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Spot on! I’m going through this, thank you for the encouragement!

Sw
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Yes I can't imagine doing any of the things that you

taraarrington
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I love this channel, I in abusive relationship with my gf who is extremely narcissit and materialistic and I am trying to understand her

ahsamv
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I cant believe your so smart I am humbled and I always fight back thankyou

jamespimentel
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I can't divorce him but I can emotionally separate myself while still living with him because we are both needed to take care of our disabled adult daughter! Your advice is lifesaving!

diane
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You are awesome. Thanks for another great video.

susanbarnyak
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Omg so needed this info! Tyvm! NAMAslay! I’m ready!

CLHS
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That's how I feel like today I was screaming and yelling because I'm at my breaking point all the crap that he has been doing behind my back?

mamabear
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How to stop getting stalked? I am not fully sure

simplyone
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My main problem is that when the narcissist triggers me, it is more overwhelming anger to the point of rage. And then it becomes my number one mission in life to knock them off of that hill and "put them in their place" to the point it becomes obsessive like Captain Ahab's obsession of bringing down the Whale (Moby Dick reference). And yes, I am fully aware that Captain Ahab's obsession destroyed him in the end. And I know deep down the narcissist is too toxic/stupid to even ever acknowledge or accept reality and will always claim "victimhood" no matter what, but continue their toxic ways endlessly. But it just becomes so "necessary" to destroy them as a form of justice. An emotional reaction, not a logical one. But it is REALLY HARD to just turn away from injustice like that.

I could NEVER stroke the toxic ego of a narcissist, no matter what "benefit" it might bring. I would feel like I'm prostituting myself by doing it. It is just SO WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS, no matter what.

Rebecca Zung: Please NEVER refer to a narcissist like a "hollow chocolate Easter bunny". Narcissists are extremely toxic. Chocolate is amazing. Who doesn't love chocolate? Maybe a "hollow Easter bunny made of feces" would be more accurate. But chocolate?! NEVER! Not for a narcissist!

WinterWarlock