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Do the thoughts of your girlfriends past bother you? Is it something that you can't stop thinking about? Before you go down this rabbit hole and get stuck please watch this video!

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#RetroactiveJealousy #GirlfriendsPast #AnxiousThoughts

Since you clicked on this video chances are you found out some information about your girlfriends past that just doesn’t sit well with you. In fact, you might be so bothered by what you found out that its all you ever think about 24/7. Most of the time these thoughts have to do with your girlfriends past romantic or sexual history… and the truth is having these bothersome thoughts can actually be quite common. In fact if you are new to this channel I’ll just save you the anticipation and tell you that if this gets bad enough it is a condition known as Retroactive Jealousy OCD. I am a former sufferer from retroactive jealousy for more than 13 years, where in every single relationship I was ever in I suffered from horrible painful thoughts about my girlfriends past. Thankfully though I was able to find freedom and find a way out and I want to share with you an important tip that I learned that really changed the way I saw my girlfriends past to the point where it no longer bothered me. Now I am married and haven’t had any anxiety over any thoughts of the past in well over 3 years! So in this video I will share with you the important thing that I learned that was a big game changer for me when dealing with these bothersome thoughts and I am really confident that if you are able to master this… you’ll start feeling better too! Also part of the healing process to these thoughts have a lot to do with mindfulness and practicing relaxation and I’d like to help you with that which is why I have a FREE mindfulness meditation that you can download today that will be very beneficial for you in getting over these thoughts and that link is down below in the description! Ok lets go ahead and get started! So first things first.. its so easy to point the finger at our girlfriend for how we are feeling about all this. Its easy to say things in our head like… why did she do this? If only she didn’t do this I woulnd’t feel this way… I can’t believe she would do something like that! That’s not the person I know! Again we are so quick to point the finger and externalize our lives and say what she did was wrong and that’s why I feel bad. But in fact it is actually OUR problem. We have to OWN this problem as our own. We have to stop looking to the outside for answers and instead look in the inside for answers. There’s a great quote by carl jung that says Everything that bothers us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” You are bothered by her past because of something that has to do with you and nothing to do with her. Her past is her past and she has a right the right to it. She has every right to do whatever she wanted to do. I understand that may be tough to hear but just as you had that right… she did too. So if you are in the initial stages of getting bothersome thoughts about your girlfriends past…you need to catch yourself before you go down this rabbit hole and start really obsessing over that. In order to start feeling better you need to start adjusting your perspective on this. In life, your perspective is EVERYTHING! How you live your life is based on your perspective. With your perspective you can create freedom or you can create personal imprisonment - it is your choice. Now with perspective in mind, I am guessing… unless your girl had a bunch sex and then murdered a bunch of people… her past really isn’t that bad. Let’s say for instance your girl had 5 one night stands 5 days in a row.. back to back.. to back to back.. to back! So you could like at this and say WOW that is wrong. That is gross. That is disgusting. How do you live with yourself…. And create all these negative perspectives and scenarios.But truly… why is it wrong? Is that against the law? No… well that is gross and disgusting… why? Isn’t sex part of our lives? Isn’t it natural to want that? Just like its natural to want to eat food or drink water.. its natural to have sex… how can she live with herself?? Probably much easier than we can live with ourselves suffering from these bothersome thoughts!

[bassw]

No no no, you must find someone with the same values as you, 😊 you will feel better about your relationship.

[parijatbhowmick]

Actually "sex is not that important", it's easy to say "i will accept you for who you are" but it's the hard part to execute that. We give sex too much importance, more that it deserves and truly speaking, when there is love, even holding hands for 5 mins is as much a satisfaction as an hour of sex, or in case of love, I would call it making love. Holding hands, holding her in arms, making her smile everyday, helping her in household works, taking care of her all night when she is sick, even hugging her for half an hour without saying anything or gently combing fingers through her hair her while she is sleeping is as much as expressions of love as intercourse. All of them deserve to be called "making love" because that is what it truly is. Whenever some kind of rj or mental movie or "how can she do it" or "why she had to do it" or "she could have not do it, when she had the power to make the choice" kind of thoughts pop up in mind like me262 popping up from clouds suddenly below a b17 formation, I ask myself one simple question, " doesn't she bring joy to my life ?" Because that's the most important thing in our life, and everytime the answer comes out to be yes bigger and louder that last time I had to ask myself and I feel more love for her, gratitude to god that it's rare and valuable to get love in return of love, I am a lucky one, let me not ruin it

[grahamapplin]

If sex is not important why do 20 year marriages and families with children break up over it, is that silly too?

[MrArthurlandry]

the problem i see (and i and other i know experience it) is that we are "achievement focused"(school, sports, jobs) and busy making our way and maybe a little slow with women. At age 24-25 we feel we are "ready"(having accomplished our goals) and we meet nice similar women(reasonably fit/educated).. However that type woman has been approached for relationship/sex since 18 by guys with resources/experience(college upperclassmen, mid managers at work) and she is unlikely to have rejected them all (most men can go through life without being approached..i was). We are crestfallen and feel a little "cheated" while a less diligent guy(not achievement oriented) is probably more experienced and not as crestfallen.

[lmattanthony]

Thank you for the tips, Matt! New subscriber from the Philippines <3

[curlyfine]

Great video as always. I think shes been with more guys than she told me. Her business. I know. But being reminded of these relationships is what pissed me off.

[savethedigitalrobots]

Great stuff Matt! On my second week of meditation and already noticing a difference!

[ChrisP-nilz]

The other argument is that she enjoyed random sex with other men .. but now are left with nothing
…

[steve-eudr]

This is all well and good but if people were not so promiscuous these thoughts would not be there don't you think ?

[milebadzek]

Hey Matt. Nice video. Have that problem for about 3 months now. It really aint getting better. Even when I start feeling better it comes again and smash me like a wave. The thing is i was with my girlfriend and she only had sexual stuff with me. In time we broke up and when I wanted to ger back together again after 8 months she rejected. I was trying for so long and she always rejected. At one point while talking to me, she sad she is going out with the guy I know for first time and sad not to worry about him, its just friendly. I was so much worried. I knew she wont go friendly, she never did that. week after that she rejected me ( she sad it will never be the same again bla bla, doesnt believe me because i broke up once). After she completly rejected me i died in myself. I couldnt sleep, couldnt eat.3 weeks after she comes back with the story I am only one for her, she realised that now bla bla but that I need to know that she had something with the guy(not sex but you know) In first I accepted it like okay doesnt matter. We are now together 2 months. But it does matter actually. Because I am killing myself with toughts about her doing something to someone who is not me. I cant believe she could have done that to someone even while knewing i wanted her back in that time.It really breaks my heart every time i think about it. I seen your video and liked it. Just want if you have time to tell me how to overcome that because she knew me in that time and my feelings. Its not the same because you say in video then she didnt knew you. This is a second chance for us and Im blowing it because of that. Please help. Please

[megavega]

So open marriages should be cool then. Cool.

[valido]

Please get a dictionary and look up the definition of empowerment. You are just plain old wrong.