What No One Is Saying About Purity Culture (A RANT) | Sarah White

Have you been subjected to toxic purity culture? Here's my rant on where a good thing can go wrong.

▶ Create a CatholicMatch account today!

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
GET ANSWERS ON SOCIAL:
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

#RelationshipAdvice #Dating #SarahWhite

[kmtm]

I’m a convert from a Protestant background and one of the things I love about the Catholic faith is this focus on chastity over purity. I grew up in purity culture and even still wear a purity ring, but understanding the “why” of saving sex for marriage and that it is beautiful within marriage, has changed my mindset in such a good way.

[luciaspes]

We live in a time where virginity is ridiculed. I don't know how you encourage those who have decided to start all over again and find a focus on virginity "toxic", while at the same time not adding to the temptations of those who are struggling to hang on to their virginity when no one else seems to be bothering. If losing virginity does not matter, then that logic suggests keeping it does not matter either- I don't think you are saying that, but I think you risk knocking virginity in a culture that already disparages it. There are other fish to fry on the dating How about videos on rapport and small talk skills?

[szfehler]

I think virginity is something precious and celebrated in the Orthodox church. We converted to Orthodoxy from Prorestantism. Tbh, i felt some of purity culture was actually a fetishy thing by some men, but also a shame based reaction from women. I like that you are talking about this.

[beatricemartha]

I don't think purity culture was ever pervasive in England. I think a far bigger problem is that the Church does not often prioritise the teaching of the theology of body so that more Catholics were aware of it before they were exposed to temptation. This could help prevent people from accepting or engaging in sex outside marriage, abortion, watching pornography and having a contraceptive mentality. In general, it would also help us to view others more lovingly instead of looking at ways to dishonour them which all the above do (except perhaps pornography which is directly done to oneself). There is of course a benefit from reminding people that their sins (perhaps with the exception of blasphemy) do not change that we are God's children and do not have to result in a permanent separation with God. However, I sometimes think that some Catholics seem to be unaware that our sins can have temporal consequences whether on Earth or in purgatory and someone whose repentance is genuine accepts these consequences.

[catholicfemininity]

I am a virgin who's still scared about marrying a non-virgin man. But I do want people to know that if they've lost their virginity outside of marriage, they can still repent and go to confession and never do it again. They can be forgiven.

[Jean-nrch]

There was catholic purity culture too, it' was not just a Protestant thing.

[platonicguardian]

Since the apostacy of Joshua Harris, Catholic chastity speakers have jumped the shark into cringe territory and this is a perfect example. It should surprise no one that men such as Andrew Tate and Rollo Tomassi are having more of an influence than Jason Evert, Steve Wood, and other Catholics like them. If anyone is responsible for "toxic purity culture" in the Catholic Church, it was the aforementioned speakers and their disciples. Both Evert and Wood advocated for the now discredited idea of courtship, saving kissing for marriage, and purity pledges and rings. Evert has conveniently scrubbed all such references from his materials while publicly pressuring men to date non-virgins as he chose to do. People used to falsely accuse Christopher West of "Angelism, " but if anyone is guilty of denying our physical nature it's the pernicious attitude now espoused by Evert and this young broad. Unlike what Red Pill creators like Pearl Davis say, people are capable of change and grace can heal and transform us. There are, however, natural consequences to our actions. Gluttony and sloth, sins I know too well, can lead to diabetes and heart disease. Both can be healed miraculously, but in most cases it takes great effort to reverse the damage or it persists permanently. Lust is no different. Having multiple sexual partners, or worse suffering sexual assault, leaves trauma on the mind and body that affects future relationships. Jason Evert's own wife Crystalina has had to admit she was not fully healed going into marriage, so we can't pretend that body count doesn't matter. To use the lingo all to common online, we can't take the black pill and believe there is no way back and persist in sexual sin, but we cannot take the blue pill and pretend our poor choices don't leave scars that last. After all, Grace is not magic, it is fundamentally God's loving presence within us. His love can definitely change us, but we have to recognize and accept when we have done wrong. As Catholics, we should know that already since that is exactly how Confession actually works.

[MrMelman]

Statistically and biblically speaking, loosing virginity does lead to higher rates of unhappiness and divorce. It also calls into question what women and men are getting from a relationship. Outside the horrible situation of rape, women not having multiple past partners shows the ability not make bad decisions and/or had control over sexual urges. This also includes waiting until marriage as a good indicator that the person is trying to follow Jesus law and not the world. This applies to both men and women. However, since women are the gatekeepers to intercourse, excluding the horrific act of rape, they most learn early how to vet and determine rather a guy loves them or not. Marriage is a good indicator as it requires a man to make the ultimate commitment before obtaining the access to a women. Without such boundaries women are left like "sheep to the wives" to men who have no maturity or desire to commit. This also can be insulting to other men who are later required to wait and jump through hoops to get what was given easily to other(s).

Honest question; should women also end the requirements they have for men to be providers, physically healthy, and commit?

It would seem that if the answer is no, then you are advocating for women to keep their standards, but for men to have no standards. For men to strive to follow GOD'S law, but women to choose only to follow when convenient.

In closing, I do not believe anyone is beyond forgiveness or undeserving of love. While I still believe women and men should strive to only be with the one they marry, as prescribed by Jesus. Accidents happen, but repeated bad decisions calls into question your maturity and ability to be faithful.

Additional statistic: couple married as virgins are the happiest and most intercourse satisfied.

[andrewbaroch]

Spell the word "culture" correctly.

[sitka]

Chastity? Purity? It's like splitting hairs, I don't think Baptists or Quakers, calvinist, or what have you think any differently about sex in marriage, or outside of marriage as far as sex before marriage or in marriage, for the most part they all have the same moral beliefs on it, the only thing I ever hear from the Catholic church is how many kids you can produce. Honestly all the masses I went to I've never heard the church talk about sex at Mass once. You may hear it a little bit during a wedding ceremony the only thing they talk about is NFP, Catholic birth control

[wulfmark]

Catholicism is not the answer.
Only knowing Jesus and confessing our sins to him is what the Bible says.
Jesus is our high priest only.
Don’t need an earthly priest to confess our sins to.

[cheesl]

What about those who are in their early 60s? Procreation is no longer in their lives!