What is 'mirroring'? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Laffey]

Being with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say may and will be used against you.

[heatherlynn]

This is why it’s so important to not tell your stuff right away to any new person. Narcissists steal your personality and transfer their nastiness onto you.

[lookingthings]

I've learned it's a safety issue, don't share your stories with just anyone, let them earn your trust. Your stories are your gifts to share.

[LoveBeliefTruth]

My mom does this. She has taken my thoughts and interests and made them her own, goes on telling about them as her own. But it feels more like identity theft than mirroring.

[littlesparks]

ANYONE who leaves you scratching your head, and questioning yourself, needs to go. They are mind-gaming, and not likely to be worth your time, effort and affection.

[KJ-pudw]

They understand empathy, they just don’t feel empathy.

[terrywade]

“Beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt.” EXCELLENT, Dr. Ramani!

[biddlear]

They are exhausting exhausting exhausting. You wake up one day drained and realize you wasted so much time on this relationship.

[pault]

Yep, this is why their personality changes from person to person, it's because they're mirroring everyone!

[MJBsays]

I never felt flattered when someone mirrors me, quite the opposite. It gets on my nerves.

[juliad]

Emulating, they study you and then try to assume your identity and pass themselves off as you - trying to esteem themselves as if they are as unique as you are. The mimic those they admire, then try to destroy them. So once they've studied and copied you, they slander you, telling people you are copying them. It's very creepy. It feels like identity theft.

[pheresy]

"imitation game" is a great description. The narcissist creates an imitation of an actual relationship. A real relationship can nourish, nurture, and activate both people, but just like eating a plastic orange, there is only a suggestion of sweetness and flavor
A masterful narcissist can continually keep us interested in "plastic fruit" until we forget what real fruit tastes like.

[char]

When I think about the good times and why I loved him I realize that it was during this mirroring time... so in all reality I suppose I really love myself lol...

[dauglove]

This woman is helping so many people with her articulate and validating info on narcissists.
She is an angel for so many.

[TA-ltph]

I realize that I will attract a narcissist within 10 seconds of entering a room. I have a horrible time identifying niceness, for data mining, or common interests vs. mirroring. This is from distortion for years at the hand of my mom and sis. Now I know to pay attention and set boundaries early on. It is hard for us people pleasers to break the cycle.

[TheresFuckeryAfoot]

The whole quote is actually this:
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.” Credited to Oscar Wilde
It’s meant to be a caution about and a slight dig at people who have no authentic sense of self and just mimic others for their own gain.

[Zarasha]

My boyfriend and I had an argument and he said to me, " That's why your family hates you". He stored information about me and used it to attack me. He is trying to come back in my life now, but that last remark hurt too much, because my family put me through hell. For him to use that against me, hurt more than anything he has done.

[noragallisch]

"Flattering is not a good to start a relationship in general." Noted.

[FeonaLeeJones]

My former partner who was a narcissist would use my traumas and wounds against me and talk about them so nonchalantly. He knew what he was doing and it was to keep me under his thumb and use it against me when needed.

[staciehulm]

In a way, mirroring is the narcissist using our own narcissism against us. They reflect an idealized version of ourselves back at us, making us fall in love with how they represent us or how we think they see us. When we finally fall for it and want more of it, that’s when they drop the hammer, and we realize that, during the whole process, we were no better than the narcissist, lapping up the idealized version of ourselves. Their devaluation is them taking the idealized version of us in the complete opposite direction: we go from being the most amazing person in the world to being worthless, and we allow them to define us that way in hopes that we can one day prove them wrong with our unending love... holding out hope that they’ll once again reflect that shiny image of ourselves back to us again. Tricky lil narcs. But too bad, baby. Tricks are for kids and Momma’s all grown up now. 🙂