The Biggest Skill Men Need In Today's World

▼ Timestamps ▼
────────────

00:00 - Introduction
01:21 - Men rely on women
04:48 - Compartmentalisation
07:57 - A different kind of language
12:00 - Turn anger into accountability
15:16 - Thinking in black and white
17:43 - Stop transforming, start accepting
22:01 - Conclusion
────────────

Learn more about the research that goes into making our videos:

Join this channel to get access to perks:

DISCLAIMER

Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counselling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.

All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[cielush]

Man is despressed, man watches video, man is still depressed but hopeful and motivated.

[zerz]

“Ah. Me no depressed.
Go to gym.
Get sexier.
This will help.
Men have beer.” - Dr. K 2024

[CT-ycgd]

"Me no depressed. Man have beer." Jesus, thats exactly what my mates are like.

[HEROHIRO]

Caveman Dr. K is something I didn’t know I needed in my life

[mbw]

The ONE thing I can’t stand…

Is all this online stuff saying that emotionally all men were socialized to feel is angry.
But no, that’s not my experience. Expression of anger was always severely punished when I was a little boy.

When I became an adult, I didn’t have any tools to address or express it healthily or effectively, and so I was left with 2 kinds of anger - repressed anger that fed depression, and the occasional explosive rage.

Neither of these were things I was “allowed” to do, or socialized in any positive way.

The beginning of expressing anger in a positive way was learning to say no, and down-regulating any guilt attached to doing so

[jaredtherock]

"Empty head is good head" is the most powerful quote ive heard for mental health today

[owenlarson]

Taking male-male friendships to new levels of emotional closeness is so intimidating.

[brandonrothsman]

“Men rely on their female partners for emotional support”

Bold of you to assume i have a partner

[berniepina]

This is so spot on. I'm a guy who SUCKS at emotional conversations. We are always taught to never be weak/ show weakness. And this in turn, becomes our weakness. If you can't show emotion you can't form connections with anyone. Then you become isolated. Like me. Speaking from experience here.
Edit: BOOTY CHEEKZ

[Letmebeanonymous]

I think this is slightly western/american culture related. Coming from another culture, I know that men rely on friendships a lot and they need to form almost brotherhood type of friendships for emotional needs.

[mikeygduv]

I came to my roommate in my 20s that I was having suicidal thoughts. (I'm good now) His response was "well I'll still have to deal with life whether you're alive or dead.

Another time I came to my father, pouring my heart out asking for guidance and got "yeah life sucks"

Men historically cannot go to other men for serious compassion. I am highly empathetic and give a piece of myself whenever someone comes to me. It's a difficult thing that really isn't discussed.

[YouSting]

"Hey man, I need your help thinking through something" sounds like a really powerful way to get the other person on boat. I've heard again and again of "don't come up with solutions to their problems, just listen". But coming up with a solution is a first instinct for me as well, even though I'm a woman. The only thing holding me back is "if I offer something stupid, I'll make a food of myself". So it sounds like excellent advice to explicitly use the drive to come up with solutions in order to get the other person to listen. That's really smart.

[coreysmithson]

8:38
"Empty head is good head."
- Dr. K, 2024

[kaczok]

07:40: Reminds of a Polish webcomic which featured character concepts for worst superheroes. One of them was Captain Tough. He had the power to get drunk with you, listen to your problems, and say "Well, tough".

[xanlikes]

im so glad my best friend has a masters in psychology and so ive got this great friend to just vibe with when things are bad, and even when things are really bad/anxiety gets really bad i can reach out and he will remind me everything will be ok.

[Madchris]

Once I stopped going to the gym to look better in the eyes other people and would say "sweet look at my biceps coming in better" and would essentially think of it as cool stepping stones for myself instead of just look better to other people, I started being more consistent because even I started to think of myself different. When I was able to focus on the work and enjoy my own labor of it all improvement became easier.

[alexduenas]

As a man who tries to reach out, I have noticed that it is not always ideal to push for them to talk through the issues when they say things like "I'm depressed." Alot of the times it is simply too slow of a process for that, and as the paper states, the pressure to even say that is immensely high. I have found it tends to go better if I ask something like "do you want to talk about it". sometimes they dont, buut now they know they can

[vhaalgorn]

You sir, you are doing gods work.

"hey man i need some help thinking through some stuff"

it never ocured to me to say it that way

[gameminer]

Omg i didn't know dr. K could do domain exansion

[jobwnage]

I'm so glad to have great male friends who helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. I've found that you can't compare grief but you can definitly recognize and acknowledge it. Nobody knows exactly how you feel, but we all share that exact experience. Through sharing our emotions we remind ourselves that even though it hurts sometimes, there is comfort to be found in the knowledge that at least we're not alone in our suffering. Thank you so much for providing such caring advice and help to people.