The Golden Rule of Parenting | Mel Robbins

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Parenting styles vary and I don’t claim to own the book on perfect parenting, but I often get asked how I parent three very individual kids. I met up with millennial entrepreneur and investor Gerard Adams in my home and he asked me about my principles on parenting.

I feel strongly that my kids are not meant to be carbon copies of me and Chris. They have their own thoughts, feelings, and goals. Our job isn’t to tell them what decisions to make–our job is to teach them HOW to make decisions.

One thing I know is this: no matter how great a job you think you’re doing with your kids, something will happen in their lives–whether it’s something you say or do, or something else that happens in their environment–that will mess them up. You can’t control how they internalize all the things in their lives, so let go of the worry that you have to be perfect and just be the best parent you can.

What you can do, however, is give your kids the tools to think critically, ask "why?" and question expectations, so that when they become adults, they have the skills to think long-term and make best choices.

What's one piece of parenting advice you love?

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[Ness]

As a parent I have always seen my role as one of guidance, support & imparting tools they can use to manage life. My husband & I made a very concise decision way back when to always parent consciously and for us it has worked. We treat our children with respect just because they are little humans does not mean they are less deserving. We apologies, we have open communication, we provide an opportunity for them to help us determine appropriate consequences. We teach them through our treatment of them. Mum & Dad are human we make mistakes & when we do we are accountable. Our kids therefore understand mistakes happen & that's okay, we need to find a solution & apologies for our part in a situation. We teach our children to have voice & not be affriad to use it no matter who is on the receiving end, the only caveat is, it must always be done with kindness & respect.

[loriogrady]

Even though I don't have kids myself, I still took a lot from this. Firstly, from one of your 31 sessions, I took note of you saying that as adults we need to parent ourselves. For me, everything in this video is what I should expect and encourage in myself when I parent myself. Next, I do need to acknowledge that I didn't get this all the time as a kid - and let that go and now parent myself. Finally, I'm an Auntie that is actively involved with young nephews, I can model and use this behavior when engaging with them. So tons Mel! Thanks again. You are such a clear and direct source of wisdom!

[jamessamy]

Thank you Mel Robbins for the message. True parenting is not easy because two kids will never be same. Grateful to be here watching your videos

[amyjkr]

It’s more difficult as a parent to encourage kids to think, challenge the status quo, and decide what is right. It’s one thing I believe to have succeeded at in my parenting journey, along side many mistakes.

It requires trust in the kid, trust in the way you’ve raised them and what you’ve modeled to them, and also the strength to watch them make wrong, painful, or impulsive decisions, without bailing them out or rescuing them.
So many times I’ve been proud of my kids when they rebel against the norm, question their peers, and stick up to others that violate their beliefs. It’s really cool to watch.

[MelissaLearns]

I wish my parents were like this! Amazing. I hope I am like this when I am a parent one day!

[jeniferjohnson]

I’ve said all of this to my own parents and husband and they don’t care. You are so correct

[kaceyleighton]

I don't have kids (for many reasons) but I do enjoy watching videos like this. I love the idea of a little one running around but the way you explained parenthood is exactly why it hasn't happened.

[malinkata]

I wish I had parents like that. Had to learn (still learning) how to do life mainly by myself. So grateful for the good teachers I had at school and university (actually I'm blessed of having a chance of education). But is till not enough. Noone would ever care for you as much as good parents would. And this emptiness is haunting my life.

[LuisaH]

First 10 seconds and I already loved her idea. She is one of the very few honest youtubers.

[mary-janechambers]

Good word! Teaching them to be adults to be able to live on their own. We cannot control our children to make them into our image.

[carrisringcircus]

YES! I've always said "I'm not just raising kids...im raising soon to be adults"

[wolfferoni]

Every parent should be taught this. I feel like this should sort of be common sense but it isn't. Growing up in an abusive, authoritarian household, I wish there were more parents like Mel. Sometimes parents think they know best and maybe they control their kids' lives because they're worried about their futures but they often times don't realise how it can stunt their child's growth and ability to be an independent, well-functioning adult.

[kfuentezz]

This is great. Please make more videos on parenting

[Jay-ecpo]

Parents have a tremendous impact on their kids' character, beliefs and attitudes! It's good to be more mindful about everything we do and there's always a better way to get your point across rather than just being pushy 👍☺

[HeronCoyote]

When my brother and I were about 14/15 yrs old, our parents gave us the “because I said so” answer. We weren’t going to accept that anymore. We explained that we were old enough that we deserved a real answer, not the cop out answer. It worked.
Now that I’m a stepmom to a 17 yr old, I know the “because I said so” either means I don’t have a legit reason, or the reason is too long or complicated to get into with her.

[expatmom]

mom of 3, continuously learning parenting

[boholifevitality]

You are absolutely
Please preach this to Greek/European families because they are so dysfunctional that they see the normal as wrong. My Greek background we are brought up to grow up quickly as children and then when we become adults they try to hold onto us and keep us home forever ☹️

[emilycenatiempo]

Cause and effect parenting something to think about. My oldest is 9 and we both need this.

[AfricancoolChic]

I love the "would you rather?' It's giving them a choice and a chance to think about cause and effect.

[marlboroughsounds]

How refreshing to see this video...absolutely agree. Thank you for sharing