I’m Scared to Chase my Dreams

▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:19 - Reddit post
03:05 - Common career vs passion problem
09:53 - "Why do you have to know what to do?"
12:21 - How are you supposed to know what makes you happy?
18:06 - Choices are not binary
24:08 - "Wasted time"
28:46 - Pay the price
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Today Dr. K talks about being afraid to chase your dreams, why you're afraid to chase your dreams, how to chase your dreams, how to get your dream job, and more! Healthy Gamer also talks about how to find your passion, how to know what makes you happy, am I wasting my time, and more!
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DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provided medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved on are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.

All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.

[brennermilestwentytwoavenu]

Every. Single. Time. When I'm struggling with something, Dr K drops a video just about that

He's definitely maxed out his telepathy skills and I'm grateful af

[wardm]

As someone who studied something 4 years in undergrad and then 6 years in grad school only to not use those degrees at all, I assure you it's not "wasted time, " whatever that means. It took years for me to come to terms with this concept. Life is for living, experiencing, learning, etc. Studying something as interesting as architecture can never be a waste, even if it doesn't contribute to your ultimate career. We're so ingrained with the concept of "life = career" that it never occurs to us that a job can be the means to actually live life.

[notarat]

i learned this from a driving instructor on youtube, it's his catchphrase "choose the best answer, not necessarily the right answer" and that lowkey changed my life lol

[Kaythought]

I’m moving across the country with a business degree… to train dogs. Life doesn’t always go the way you planned and sometimes your passion wins.

[OurgasmComrade]

Just to give all y'all 20-something year olds some reassurance of not being alone in the struggle... It doesn't go away in your 30s either haha. But it does feel less intense which can allow you to make bolder decisions without tiptoeing around your dreams if you haven't followed the traditional path of family and children (which I have chosen not to take)

[Jazzmaster]

"We're trying to live a life without regrets"

Dr K out here spitting bars. This is truly how I feel and have felt for the longest time.

[sterlingbirks]

I'm so glad you didn't become a cardiologist, you've seriously changed my life. I think you have made more of a difference in my life than most people in my life if not you have made the most difference in my life. Thank you

[dreambrush]

Personally, I came to accept that slow progress is still progress, I know I was talking to my friend about handling online school and her office job (she wants to do graphic design) and she chose to do both full time and ended up dropping out the online. I asked her "why not do part time online" and she was like "because full time is like 3 years and part time is 6 years" which fair enough but you always have to be realistic imo when it comes to responsibilities and what you can handle at a time, some people can juggle a lot of stuff at once, others not so much. If you feel like you can do 6 years and not 3 years, there's no shame in that, it's better to do slowly than just outright drop it and potentially never do it again because you can't do it fast enough. It's physically not possible for majority of people, we kinda need to eliminate the "you gotta be successful FAST or you will never EVER EVER be successful, YOU'LL BE A LOSER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE" kinda mentality in our society overall that is expected on young people and be more lenient. TLDR version: I believe in you 🙏

[radiationgeneration]

My parents always told me that dreams will always be dreams and that its almost impossible to come true so I gave up on all of my dreams when I was around the age of 10. One of my biggest mistakes yet.

[rrjack]

I relate a lot to this video, here are the main points:

1. Fear of not making a mistake is what actually creates regret in your life.

2. Look at external factors as to why you're thinking "passion vs normal job". Part of why you might be feeling this way is that the company that you're working for sucks, or your colleagues suck or the project you're working on sucks. Maybe changing some of those factors might make the choice between "passion vs normal job" not seem as important, because in general your work environment has overall positive vibes. TLDR; It might not be the profession but your work environment that you dont' like.

3. In the same vein of the point above. Ask yourself why you are asking this questions of "passion vs normal job" now. Why not years ago when you were pursuing an education in that particular field?

4. You can't see the future, so how do I make a choice? "Wasted" time is the price to figuring it all out. How the hell are you supposed to know without even trying lol.

5. Try to come back to reality for a little bit. Look at the roommates you're living with, your parents, the people walking down the street, your neighbours. These are most likely people you've never heard about that are living "normal" lives. Keep in mind that the people we see on youtube, instagram, that are "successful" represent a tiny tiny fraction of the population. I don't think this is to discourage people from pursuing that but just to give perspective that just as a fact, most people don't have that lifestyle.

6. Recognize that you could be making a mistake. You need to dive in and try.

7. If you've invested a lot of time into a field, the safe choice would be to (If you're generally happy) to keep pursuing it while keeping your passion on the side UNTIL you feel ready to give up the other field.

8. How do I know I'm ready to leave that "normal" field? You've done it for a while and it just becomes so intolerable that it really just leaves you with no choice other than to quit it lol. Paradoxically...reaching this point will make you have no regrets because well... there's no other choice to make in your mind.

9. Unhappiness is going to be your compass. It will guide you through what you're supposed to do. Trying to avoid unhappiness ironically will set you back in terms of making a decision you will not regret.

10. Doing something that you don't necessarily like for a long period of time will develop a great work ethic. So if you do switch to something you're more "passionate" about it will give you a better emotional gauge since you can't base success on your passion/interest but your work ethic.

11. Financial stability is definitely important.

12. "Rest of your life" Mostly bullshit, you don't have to do something for the rest of your life.

TLDR;
20:20 - 22:30 Summarizes it pretty well.
22:03 - If you've invested a heavy amount of time, think about the temporal circumstances that are making you feel this way and try to address those. Be ok with making a mistake.

I think that's pretty much it. If anyone wants to contribute more to this you are more than welcome to.

[watuh]

I love this video so much.

When I was 18, I joined the military because; 1) my family was not in a financial spot to support college, 2) I was(still am to a degree) an irresponsible teen, and I knew I would've wasted my time and money, and 3) I didn't know what I wanted to do in life.

Those 4 years I spent in the military helped me rediscover, funnily enough, a passion for art and storytelling that I'd suppressed because my parents had told me as a child that it wasn't a viable option. Now that I'm out of the military, I took advantage of college benefits and am trying to pursue my passion at an art school(I'd love to create comics/manga one day). I've still got my own share of hurdles but you most definitely do need to make mistakes to find out what's right for you, and those mistakes certainly do create an even more intense passion to chase your dreams

[lightspeedlife]

One of my favorite mangaka, Tsutomu Nihei, studied architecture before doing manga. Now he's published several incredible works (which I think may turn out to be very inspiring to other storytellers) and had a few Netflix original adaptations. You never know.

[jacob]

Reframe your dream. You like storytelling- why? How can you relate that passion to any career.

Scientists tell stories, psychologists tell stories, doctors tell stories- you can reframe those things. A 21 year old probably doesn’t know their lifelong passion. That’s something you develop and make.

[atmosjk]

it's like standing at the pool or beach for the first time.
you've dipped your toes in but it's so cold that the pain from the cold keeps you from going in.
but will you even enjoy it? you will never know until you test the waters and experience it.
and once you go in, and your body gets used to the cold, you finally try swimming and playing in the water.
you can then assess if you enjoy swimming or playing in the water.
had you have known this if you continued standing at the water?
you are not wasting time by gaining this valuable data.

[redgreen]

I feel like my whole life has been a series of people telling me “don’t be afraid to make mistakes” but then the world giving me every reason to be deathly afraid of making mistakes.

Like it’s a nice thought but that’s not the way the world works. I can’t just cover my eyes and ears and pretend there’s no consequences for my actions

[SuperBezee]

Architecture graduate here. Came from the most recent video, the one about "being spoiled". The advice about taking note of your day to day activies of a job is something that should be more talked about to young people in the midst of choosing their career path! It's honestly so important to match your personality to the type of work enviroment you want to work in. And relevant to the architecture field, since the shock between college and office work is a big factor in why a lot of people decide to leave the profession. I think it depends a lot on the context of your country too, since not all architecture jobs are well paid or have an ok office culture.

I've related a lot to these last two videos and they've been really helpful. Seeing as it's such a common theme, especially in architecture, here's a bit of my story that might help someone:

I finished architecture school from a sort of inertia - even though it wasn't my "passion", but it was presented to me as a safe bet that would fit my skills. Seeing as I was a smart artsy kid, being a painter, video director, or even just an interior designer was considered to be beneath me and things I could do after college anyway. So, two years of prep before college and I was burnt out out already and wanted to quit and switch paths right before admission. This only repeated at the end of every college year...

The fact that I wasn't that passionate about it, coupled with probably an undiagnosed adhd made it even harder to get through college. Long working hours, a lot of procrastination and projects submitted the last minute. What kept me going was my curiosity in all of the different subjects that you had to study and a great collective. Plus, what I really wanted to do seemed so far away and scary and as time passed, the time and work invested grew. But it was obvious that people who were more passionate about it got better at it. Meanwhile, I was excelling at the humanities subjects, while being mediocre at the rest. If your heart's not in it, you'll face a lot of resistance trying to keep up with the people that actually enjoy doing it. And that resistance translates to a lot of wasted energy, shame, overall a bad mental and physical health space.

Fast-forward, almost 2 years after graduating (so 8 years of studying it and one year and a half of working in three different offices) I realised I don't want to work in an architecture office enviroment ever again, from the same reason that Dr. K cited - you spend 8 hours or more in front of the computer, clicking away your day. Plus, it's reaaally underpaid for the amounf of stress and work you do, especially as a junior. So after I quit my last job, I've been working some projects as a freelancer, trying to have a more flexible work schedule and enviroment, while doing some photography and trying to switch to that more.

I'm still interested in the theoretical and aesthetic part of it, thinking about how spaces or cities could be improved, but I realised that the reality of working at a desk full time is too static for me and painful to my soul. Also, I don't seem to mind sitting at a desk writing for hours, since I can atribute more meaning to that and get into a flow state. I've also realised that freelancing on your own is not that easy, can be lonely and working in a collective can be a good learning op. Also, trying to switch to something that I enjoy more hasn't been easy. I started to accept that and try to take it step by step, enjoying life along the way.

And last but not least, making peace with the notion that those years were not wasted is important for moving forward - I'm grateful I got a good education in a complex field, which thaught me a lot. But thinking back, I wish I quit while in college and went down a different route, more suited to my skills and personality. I wish society didn't put all this pressure to choose a career path while in high school, especially long, complex ones like architecture, medicine or engineering. The burnout is real and some people actually get sick from all the stress and pressure. Also, a gap year between high school and college would've been a great idea, but in cultures where it's not common, people don't do it out of fear of remaining behind from their generation peers and losing friends.

So, hang in there architecture students, or anyone trying to get in a competitive, high achieving field. Know that it's ok to have second thoughts, to even take a freeze year if possible, quit or switch to something maybe connected, even if it's deemed as a "less socially valued" field to work in. But it's best to take a decision, rather than mull over it endlessly and lose time and energy that way. Also, there are a lot of work branches related to architecture and, to come back full circle to the day to day activities bit, not all require working in an office. Maybe you want to continue in academia, be an architecture photographer, write about it, etc. I guess we just need to weave our education with our skills and see how to best work in an enviroment that suits our personalities, because that's how you bring the most value to the world. Peace and health

[SofijaGvozdeva]

"It's our avoidance of making mistakes that causes us to live with regret" - Dr. K

[tehdz]

I wish colleges had more people come in and explain there career paths, I think a lot of people who end up getting far in there career had jobs all over the place before they found what fit. Like if you are in your 20s or 30s you still have at least 30 more years of work ahead of you that's an insane amount of time.

[hurtjonnegut]

“We don’t change until our situation becomes more uncomfortable than the change required.” I butchered this quote from another therapist, but I think that fact would conclude this video well.

[kecho]

-I dropped out of uni 2nd year because it's bad
-Decided to all-in on art
-The fact Im on my own gives me fear
-Fear made me avoid failure
-Spent 2 years figuring out motivation
-Saw that the theories work
- min/max-ed out everything
- "failed" on purpose as much as possible
- beat your ego to a pulp so you cant defend something that isn't there
- no fear, even a little pleasure, since I know how to get up from failure now (guess this is confidence)
- now I'm unironically the smigma male meme
- I am now the guy I wished I was 2 years ago when I only played games. I actually achieve stuff
- get ego again lmao

Tl;dr: fix urself first, get ur ass humiliated until you have 0 ego to defend, now u have thicc skin to tolerate hard shit.
Also remember u need a strong enough passion to make all the pain worth it.