Divorce vs. Death: Which Is More Traumatic?

Are you struggling to come to terms with the emotional trauma of divorce? Do you feel like you're grieving the loss of your identity and sense of self? In this video, John Griffin explores the parallels between divorce and death, and how both can lead to an ego death, forcing you to re-evaluate your role in life. Whether you're single again at 40, 50, or 60, divorce can be a catalyst for personal growth and empowerment. Join John as he shares his insights on the divorce journey, midlife reinvention, and the importance of rediscovering your identity after divorce. Learn how to move forward, let go of the past, and find a new sense of purpose in your life.

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© John Griffin, Health Coach & Personal Trainer
00:00 Divorce and Death Trauma
02:17 Death of Your Identity
04:01 Who Are You?
06:20 Born Again Single
11:21 A Blank Sheet
16:00 Rediscovering Yourself Takes Time

[JamestheMovieFan]

My Divorce initially hit me like a death! Only a little while later, after many dark feelings, did I realize that my wife actually did me a favor! The freedom, peace and quiet, lack of expense and not being judged and criticized is priceless!

[JohnBlazingstar]

The best gift my X-wife ever gave me was treating me so badly that I had no choice but to divorce her and start over (after nearly 30 years together). These are the exact words I said to her after paying a retainer fee for my divorce attorney: " I take no pleasure in dissolving our marriage but know this: I am divorcing you because the life you offer me as your husband is not a life worth living. So, I am ready".

I will admit it was a rough ride, but now I am writing my own script. Freedom.

[MrFalcman]

For me, the hardest part of my divorce to deal with was the reality that marriage, as an institution, is a sham. I was brought up very blue-pilled, so I always thought that my purpose in life was to get married and have a family. I never thought that my marriage would fail. It wasn't the loss of my wife that bothered me... It was the loss of my marriage, if that makes sense.

[darkwizard]

I am 33. Last year my girlfriend broke up with me, she found someone with bigger pay check. Requested her to stay, promised her I will get a promotion soon. She left anyway, after few months I got the promotion still everything felt meaningless. Suffered through the worst year of my life. Few months ago I found your channel, listening to you made me realise I am not happy with my own life. Quit my job, always wanted to be a writer, wouldn't be possible if she was in my life. I am happier than I was in that relationship. I am writing, publishing, learning animation. Now and then the pain comes back but I get over it. Thank you for showing me the path.

[gojub]

I lost my 21-yr old daughter to cancer 3 years ago and went through a divorce a year later that ended a 25-year marriage - I'm still sorting out those two different scenarios.

I'm proud of the fact that I made it through that brutal 1, 2 combo.

You make some pretty good points here - thanks for your content.

[Slamitdownhard]

It took me years to finally come to a place of acceptance in dealing with my divorce. Redefining who you are after playing a role that you were comfortable in is very difficult.When I was going through my divorce I thought it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Now, ten years later I see it as the thing that inspired me the most to grow in all aspects of my life. Suffering opens doors that you never knew existed.

[shaunsmith]

I had to go through a lot of counseling to get the courage to divorce my cheating, toxic wife. She took years destroying my self worth to be able to control me. She even told me I was too weak to divorce her. I divorced her and my life is so much more peaceful. Being married did not make my life better, but actually worse. I'm retired from the Army now and living my best life. 😊

[db]

The grief is very similar to that of death. I remember also thinking that it was like losing an investment, but not just the intrest but the entire principal as well. 9 years, down the drain.

[deep]

During my pre- and post-divorce counseling, my counselor shared a great nugget. He said to quit opening the casket (my marriage) to see if there’s any life in there. He said close the lid, lower it into the ground, bury it and move on. It’s over. That really woke me up and got me on my way. Twenty two years of single life and I couldn’t be happier. Each day, month, and year are opportunities to grow and become who I want to be, not continual failure of trying to meet other’s expectations.

[CBL-ro]

Wow, why was my divorce such a relief? I feel like a new person. Never for a second did I want to go back to that identity. I think my situation was different. I hung onto a mess for way too long.

[brookvalley]

A comedian said, "Do you realize that if you had murdered your spouse on your wedding night, you would be out of prison by now." My wife said, "I never contemplated divorce, just murder."

[capital]

Divorce can be worse for you health if you let it. Death of a loved one is tough but it's final. Divorce/alimony/coparenting challenges/child support continues for years and it takes work to prevent it from affecting the rest of your new life.

[ResilientMan-wh]

Great insight John. I think divorce has been the death of my "role". The role I really wanted to live, but now...I never want to be in that role again. It's a strange dichotomy to live with.

[ThePuffinBurrow]

After the end of my last relationship, i was talking to my father about this exact subject. He went through a bad divorce with my mother, who abandoned our family to go after another man, and I told my dad, you know, in some ways when somebody leaves you and leaves you in a bad way like that, it feels worse than a death in some ways. At least when a death happens of a loved one, they didn't want go, they didn't want to leave their family and friends. It was just nature and their time, but when somebody leaves you in a relationship or a marriage, especially if it's a long one, it's extremely personal, and it's a rejection of you directly. Now, I said in some ways, I mean, death is final, so there's different parameters here, but the feelings can actually be more painful in the end with a marriage or long term relationship ends because it's tied up with a lot of personal negativity and personal hurt. The though that causes me the most pain is the time i put in, and the loss of the future i believed i had. I'm doing better with it now and adjusting, but it took a while... From time to time, I still think about it

[pastorjerrykliner]

I will not try to equate the trauma of Divorce and Death; they have some similarities... The one thing that is completely different, however, is the rituals that exist for the death of a spouse that allows sympathy and grief that DOES NOT exist in the case of divorce. ESPECIALLY for men; when women go through divorce, by and large our society sympathizes with them, but when a man goes through divorce our society largely has no sympathy..."What did you do?" "How could you not keep your wife satisfied?"

I was told repeatedly that, when I was divorced (I did not want it), I was supposed to go out and "party" and "find another woman." I did not want to "party"...I was in my 40's and was past my "party years." I really did not want another "woman." Being single again, I was treated awkwardly....families didn't want me around, women looked me as a "failure" or a "creep" because I obviously had "failed" as a husband. If, on the other hand, I had been widowed, I would have been treated with sympathy and people would have been like "Oh, you poor guy..." Nobody would have said "Go out and party!" Nobody would have thought "He's a failure."

Divorce...especially when you did not "want" it...sucks for men.

[RelaxxedRider]

The hardest part was that the current married life paradigm and your purpose is gone and you are left alone to not only to clean up the mess and deal with the guilt, drama, courts, lawyers, stress, kids, selling of assets, b1tch wife, etc, but you will need to figure out your next path and purpose in life. Also lost 3 family members during the divorce, so it was a double whammy. Was like boot camp, where you are stripped down of everything and you work to build yourself back up. Won't happen overnight so be patient, very, very patient. But be focused and persistent... I'm still suing my ex 7 years later to get my assets back. But I'm winning. 90% done. Patience....

[SKBottom]

Please don't ever take your wife back, John. Not even "for the children." Let her continue to enjoy all the consequences of her actions and choices.

[DUNEATV]

👏 This just might be your best video! I’m two years post divorce. EVERYTHING IN THIS VIDEO IS TRUE! You’re amazing John.

[hatembenabdallah]

Hello John, another amazing video. I wanted to share that I totally understand this idea of losing one’s identity. I felt it, and it took me three or four years to overcome the pain.

I remember it was just three or four days before signing the final divorce papers. I was standing in front of my ex-wife, and I couldn’t help it—I started to cry and held her in my arms because I knew it would be the last time. The only thing I wanted was for her to love me in a way that I could perceive at the time. But in that moment, I didn’t feel any empathy or compassion from her. I felt like I was just a resource or something.

Then she asked me, “If you want, we can stop the process.” And while I was crying, I said, “No, let’s do this.” And maybe—just maybe—it was maybe one of the best decision of my life

[joelrubinoff]

I haven’t listened to this yet but this sounds like a good one John. I already know divorce is worse because she makes a conscious decision never to see you again and she decisively acts on it, utter disbelief. Death on the other hand is a natural part of life as horrible as it still is.