#1 Way the INFJ Fails in Dating and Relationships? Tips on Dating for the INFJ from both sides.

Is this your #1 reason that the relationships within your life as an INFJ Fail? No? What is yours and please comment below.

This video touches on a specific issue that I have encountered within all my relationships and not just the ones that are romantic. The key is understanding maybe what is happening and having a light bulb moment for yourself as you watch and listen to me.

For the INFJ this topic brings together many of our characteristics and flaws, but are they really flaws or are they being perceived and or responded to by a cluster B or ? Maybe the other person does not know how to deal with it or respond to it and maybe the INFJ is confused as well. Possible?

Always keep in mind that I am not trying to be right or re-write anything, but only trying to cast a bit of light onto a topic that you might be confused about or have not seen from my view or angle of perception.

[shaylasanchez]

As an INFJ, I fall in love 100 percent right away because I trust the person. I think that they love me like I love them. Then I spend the rest of the time falling out of love because they don’t love me like I love them. It’s a recipe for disaster. INFJ’s fall in love backwards. At the end of the day, we can’t think, “they must not really love me because if I were them, I would have...” We can’t use our love as a measuring stick. No one will ever love us like we love them. I see that so clearly now. And we cannot love less. But we can be a little more selfish with our time/efforts sometimes and listen to people’s words more instead of just analyzing their micro expressions and actions. That helps. Perhaps being an INFJ means never finding a soulmate, but just because people have limitations that we don’t have doesn’t mean we should respect their love less. My mother taught me that other people are not like me and that some people can only love so much. It’s a hard lesson but accepting other people’s limitations is much better than being alone. It’s about learning that most people are not as intense as we are. I fell in love with another INFJ when I was very young. He died and I just knew that I would never find anyone who would love me that way again. The key to happiness is lowering my expectations. My fellow INFJ’s...The other person is your priority, but you feel like you are just an option to them. You are not an option. You are in fact their priority. They just don’t process emotions like you do and your intensity overwhelms them but they can’t find your kind of love anywhere else so they stay. They won’t give up on us, but we will give up on them—not because we don’t love them but because we give too much, it’s draining, and they begin to take us for granted. We just need to put some of that energy into fulfilling our own needs, instead of helping others. But it’s more fun/exciting to help others. Set a boundary and say no. Take your time back. Now every time you do that, focus on how it feels. That’s what it means to love yourself first. My boyfriend says, “there’s you, there’s ME, and there’s us.” To me it’s more like, “there’s YOU, there’s me, and there’s US!!!” Why can’t I just think more like him? That’s the curse of an INFJ, but that’s also why people are so drawn to us. Remember, less is more unless you are in love with another INFJ. Lol.

[katied]

Something I read once that hit me deep... "Stop expecting YOU from people"

[Pinkdaimonddragon]

He’s right. I never found someone I can equally match with. So I had to learn how to hold back . Because I was always giving and doing a lot more then them. Don’t give your gifts to people who don’t deserve or appreciate them. Your treasures has no value, in their eyes. This sucks because you know, you have so much to offer. But most of the time . You will never get it in return, not even a 50%. This is why sharing is so important to me. I like sharing and I been sharing and helping people for years. But when it’s your turn most people disappear.

[Nina_]

I can't believe we INFJ's, will always feel like outsiders, i've always believed that i'll never find someone who gets me exactly and reciprocates the effort i give and it's sad..

[berserkerbard]

I’m so lucky I’ve found an INFJ partner who fell in love with me as quickly as I fell in love with him. I put it down to prayer as I spent most of my life thinking I’d never find someone who sees the world the way I do (never been in a relationship before at 26 years old) but after feeling drawn towards a specific dating site after praying sincerely about it, I found him within 2 weeks and we’re considering engagement now. I always felt like the odd one out, but I’m so fortunate to have an INFJ best friend and a boyfriend who see eye to eye with me, values are pretty important to us and meaning is paramount. Advice I would give: don’t be afraid to start with big talk in a blossoming relationship, if you can start with solid foundations on big topics, the small stuff won’t be an issue. INFJ’s always look at the big picture, don’t ever pretend you’re happy just talking about sports or the weather when the world needs putting to rights. I’ve based my friendships on this too and I have great friends. Be your best self.

[yodab.at]

Just 'slightly' intense, we are....

[ivanaa]

Just wanted to say I fully appreciate your effort. Just binge watched many of your videos and continuing to do so.
This one hits home for me, especially the statement of accepting the likelihood of being alone for the rest of my days...I can relate 100% and I agree with you on that it is disturbingly sad yet kind at the same time. (Only an INFJ can understand this contradiction, so I am safe here stating that 😁)
You indeed are a brave INFJ and we all benefit from it tremendously 🙏 so thank You and keep up the good work whenever you feel like it 🍀

[destree]

I give you so much credit for putting this out there being a fellow INFJ. You are saving a whole lot of people from future grief and heartache if they listen. The example relationship you gave was exactly what happened between me and my ex-hubby. Thankfully I am now in a much better spot mentally because I found someone who understands me and supports me and stands up to me when I start picking or any of that stuff. I met my equal. We both had to go through a lot of crap to find each other and I'm not letting him go. Lol! I've learned so much from my past in what not to do's that now I can thank my ex for making me learn who the heck I really am and what the heck I really want. Thank you for

[fredocorleone]

INFJ idealizes. Falls in-love. People-pleases the target. Loses power in the relationship because of the people-pleasing. Other person starts taking advantage of the INFJ. INFJ begins to not like this person. Starts seeing the negatives of the person. Walks away. Target is confused, realizes they were too overbearing or domineering...starts chasing after the INFJ. It's too late for the INFJ, moves on to another love target.

[sportyspice]

Understanding the other person is of utmost importance.
Once you just can’t understand another’s actions… it’s time to end the relationship, and not blame yourself. I’m 60 and am only figuring this out today.
Enjoy your videos as they are always insightful.
My opinion, INFJ should match up with another INFJ but we are hard pressed to find those diamonds in the rough😊
Just treat your partner the way you would like to be treated and have less expectations for the other person.
My marriage failed..so I’m not an expert. I just have a lot of experience as to what I could have done better. 😊

[blesskarmel]

Yes. I can completely relate. We have very high standards for people and for ourselves. I mean if I can see who I am why can’t you see who you are?! Contrary to the generalization that INFJ’s are not good w casual, or mostly casual relationships, I find that a lot easier. Kinda sad.

[CorianderSky]

Thank you for this. I never felt lonelier than when i realized the person i was with could never be what i needed him to be despite all the love, help, and guidance i could provide.

Leaving served the highest good for both of us because he realized he could never be enough which came out in passive aggressive/ hurtful ways. He was essentially pushing me to break up, because i was the stronger person. No matter how much i loved him, functioning as my infj self caused him pain, and not being myself could never be an option.

Im alone now, but never lonely. I now know to be happy in a relationship, I need someone who I respect as equal as they are.

[josephwilliammusic]

Very accurate, my past relationships same thing happened. Had amazing time with them for months, then out of ‘nowhere’ I start to get ‘moody’ with them, I didn’t know why. Start to critique them, criticise them for not doing enough which inevitably pushes them away. Ofc I don’t want to do this! And am very hurt while it happens and especially when they leave but it’s some automatic process. I guess self awareness is key here, recognising it starting and stepping back. I’ve been called ‘crazy, evil, weird’ before for this, going from critiquing to then being overly loving, they must think ‘wtf?’ Haha. Thank you for this video

[FernandoLeon]

We are just a bit too intense sometimes, people love us and they hate us for the same reason. I think we can learn to moderate ourselves. We also need someone with an immense amount of compassion. Relationships are the best mirrors for our blind spots. I'm still single. But with every true intimate relationship, I learn something about myself. I have learned to let go, to turn a blind eye to someone's flaws, because no one is perfect and to accept who I am, unapologetically, and do the best to try and explain myself and disclose my feelings instead of harboring resentment. Remain open to the possibility of that person to arrive in your life and trust. Thank you for the video.

[raymondsmith]

INFJ love isn’t superficial nor on the surface. For me the love I give is much deeper. I don’t put off on people toxicity, insecurities, behaviors or stressors that one can burden another with. Love for me is well-being mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Also independence, autonomy, identity and individuality. If you truly love someone, you won’t dare take these qualities from another or alter in anyway. To love is to love someone for who they are and how they treat you, not for what they can do for you. As INFJs we are true advocates for people because we understand human nature, we don’t condemn because we know people are already condemning themselves

[tianrenchu]

Thank you for sharing your insights! One thing that might help us INFJs overcome our disappointment and high expectations in relationships, in my opinion, is remembering that although the other person might not always be thoughtful the way we are, or excel at things the way we often do, they also have qualities that we don't. For example, being able to accept others for who they are, being non-judgmental and open-minded towards people, or even being authentic are things we often struggle with. I don't think we are "superior" overall, but simply that we tend to focus too much on flaws and this makes us blind to the ways in which the other person also contributes to the beauty of our relationship. Those are just my thoughts :)

[arunamalla]

I have been called crazy, evil, wierd, freak, abnormal. It’s true. I am 32, so far I dated only one guy and got dumped for being “too good to be true”. 😝😝🤪

[geensjc]

Enjoyed this video, thank you!
The more I learn about INFJ, the less crazy and alone I feel.

[MrRoombastic]

Its hard accepting the fact that I cant hold other people to the same standard I hold myself. Cause I hold myself to way to high of a standard, and its not fair to hold other people to a standard im working full time to keep

[jamielake-boyd]

Age changes everyone. Things you care about when you are younger are just not as important as you get older. We understand life and Situation more.