When should you talk about money in a new relationship?

[dawn]

I was really poor when I met my fiance, and he's got enough money to be comfortable.

Because he liked going out and I couldn't afford it, he was comfortable picking up the whole tab.

I felt guilty and I wanted to contribute, so we ended up comparing my little part time job with his salary, and decided I would pay 1/10 of the bill for our dates.

I think this was fair for us, because he didn't enjoy boring stay-at-home dates, and he was perfectly happy to pay my share to have better dates.

[louisetilbury]

Or maybe he also has the affordability issue but feels he has to take you out to impress you. Best to talk it out. Cook for each other or together. Picnics.

[ashleyd]

I think at this early point in the relationship you kind of treat it how you would with friends that may have a higher dining out budget than you. It’s really about managing expectations and doing what you’re comfortable with.

[ownyoursxtaylormorganne]

I had that issue. It difficult when you’re spending all day together now you’re both starving. I never figured out how to manage both

[mmplemich]

I had this once. Turned out he was in a ton of debt, living off maxing-out his mom's credit card, and desperate to hook another sugar momma to keep his lifestyle afloat.

[lauradogg]

I’ve been seeing a new guy, we went to happy hour and he paid (I only got a small dish and we split fries). I said “ok, I’ll get dessert”. We went to an ice cream shop I’d never been to and his ice cream alone was $18???? My food wasn’t even $18. I had to tell him that I can’t keep eating out. He understood and did feel bad about the ice cream later.

[meganeisemann]

I’d say it in a nice way before he asks you to go out to eat. Say something like hey would you like to do an at home movie and pasta night, I’m trying to cut back on eating out due to cost? If he asks you to go somewhere expensive you can say that sounds super delicious but the prices are more than I’m comfortable spending. If you actually have a budget and you are comfortable sharing you could even give him a number and tell him you budget say $100 a month for eating out. Also of course do things like order water and do dessert at home or conversely do dessert out and eat dinner at home. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries after telling him them or pouts about not getting to eat out, or needing to pay everything if you two eat out or holds it over your head if he does pay then maybe end the relationship. But it’s hard to know someone’s budget in a new relationship if they haven’t told you.

[megeles]

I'd say, just be honest about how you can't afford to go out all the time and if he wants to pay for it more often, let him. If a man chooses to spoil you, in this context where she clearly isn't pressuring him to, then she's not taking advantage him.

[samevans]

My 2 cents? It's going to be a difficult relationship if you guys have massively different views about finances and/or significantly different incomes, expenses, and goals.

In the beginning of a relationship, sure, you're still getting comfortable with each other, so you probably will let slide a lot more than you would later in a relationship, including spending more than you'd like in order to hang out with them. That's fine. But later, after eventually a discussion where you establish that that kind of spending doesn't work for you long-term, either one or the both of you will have to compromise. Unfortunately, that often leads to resentment when you have very different lifestyles. You won't like wasting money you don't have/are earmarked for something else, they won't like having to live a less comfortable life with fewer experiences.

[jaredf]

Do NOT say "hey bud" to your partner and talk to them like this video suggests. It's disrespectful, belittling, and even immaculating.

[whatsthedeal]

Why not just ask him to stay in and cook together

[anniealexander]

I've never seen a man that wasn't fine staying at home while I cook.

[scootergirl]

Anyone dating me knows right off the bat that I am cheap as hell and have no money. But I’m happy to cook for them. If they want expensive ingredients, they can go buy it for us.

[thundersky]

Don't pick up the bill just because you feel like you should! You don't even know if he cares if you pay!

[fleetyfoote]

Find the Ratio of your incomes. Split the bill in the same ratio 😑

So, if he earns 2x as much as you, and the restaurant Bill is 30$, you pay 10, he pays 20.

[stargrl]

Why pay for it, tho? That sounds like something he should be paying for since he's always bringing it up. Why the guilt?

[mariegro]

It sounds like a relationship with very different income levels. You need to have a conversation about it. It's a little vulnerable but vulnerability is what brings you closer.

[illbeyourstumbleine]

On our first date I ordered a bottle of wine for him to tell me he doesn’t drink. Then the bill came and he flat refused to let me pay, I felt terrible for spending 50 bucks on wine he didn’t touch!

We have been married 20 years now, so I guess he didn’t mind❤

[sm-yudt]

Whys he not picking up the bill, especially this early on in the relationship? Ick

[kurtsudheim]

As a guy who hates girls who EXPECT you to pay, this is wrong: if she wanted to go out, then ya. But the fact that she would prefer to stay in BECAUSE she can't afford it shows she's got things right. Even outside of a romantic relationship, like with friends, of you want to do something, you invite the person & if you know or they tell you they can't afford the item you either go/get it without them, don't go, or offer to pay the for their share, I've even known that to happen with expensive holidays. Now, as the person who can't afford your responsibility is to not accept every offer, you don't want to take advantage of them, even when they can afford it, you should want to pay sometimes