Everything around them is still there, dealing with sudden loss | Marieke Poelmann | TEDxUtrecht

In 2010 Marieke Poelmann, 22 at the time, suddenly lost her parents as a result of a plane crash. It took her several years to see that bad things in life do not necessarily have to define you. In her talk she discusses her loss and how she learned to cope with it, and as a result came out a stronger person.

Marieke Poelmann wrote a book about losing her parents in the airplane crash in Tripoli in 2010. “It took me several years to see that bad things in life don't necessarily define you as a person. When I suddenly lost both of my parents at 22, I thought my life was over too. Finally, I realized that there is one part of them I could never loose: the part that is in me. Slowly I got back onto my own two feet, gained strength and became an adult. In this process, against all my expectations, good things started happening again. I got to be who I wanted to be. It brought me far beyond anything I had ever imagined.” Poelmann is a writer and a freelance journalist. She studied Media and Journalism at the University of Amsterdam and worked as a producer for the Dutch news and current affairs program ‘Nieuwsuur’ in New York. Currently she is writing her second book, a fiction novel.

[sunmeetkaur]

Losing a parent is a pain that is unbearable however life finds a way. I lost my dad over a month ago and miss him everyday. Losing a loved makes you reevaluate your life and relationships. It makes you let go of things or people that don’t make you happy or serve your highest purpose. It makes you more aware of yourself and what you want out of life. It makes you stronger and makes you rethink what really matters in life.

[sanskaragrawal]

The pain is like something inside of you have died.but you have to live that's the saddest part..

[reset]

I'm 27 years old and I lost my dad today. Stay strong, we all are here for you.

[harbimidiyosunkanka]

I noticed how we're all drawn to watching these types of videos about coping with grief & death when we lose :( :( RIP Father-in-law

[carinabrancodias]

I lost both parents almost a month ago to covid19. And it's an unbereable pain. I would give my arms and legs just to see them once again. There's an hole in my chest now...

[nakhul]

I lost my dad to an accident two weeks ago. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this lost. It hurts so much. No words or comfort can ever take the pain away.

[RichJohnstun]

18 months ago I suddenly lost my wife. I can't agree more that we are all stronger than we think. Before the loss I was one of those people who didn't think I would be able to go on if that happened to me...but it did, and I did. You put on the brave face, you drag yourself out of bed and you find a way to keep on living. You honor their memory by living a life that would make them proud. We are all capable of strength we never thought possible. I'm finding my way.

[bithikadey]

Losing parents means losing the most important part of our life! The pain is unbearable 😔🥺😓

[timeforpm]

My dad was murdered a month ago... i still feel so numb. I want to hug him, talk to him or simply stare into his eyes... i miss him so much

[weiszvanessa]

this is what i realized after my dad-- who was one of my best friends and the best goddamn people i knew-- passed two weeks ago after suffering for years: life is not fair, and it's not fair how much some people have to suffer while others never even get a taste of that. i wouldn't wish anything dead upon anybody, i just don't see how can life torment some so much, often times the best people, and i honestly wouldn't mind if i died today or tomorrow because i don't want to live in this twisted reality with zero justice.

[blueskies]

My favorite part, "The bad things that happen in life don't define you. You define you.". I needed that. I lost my 23 year old son very unexpectedly to suicide 9 weeks ago. I have been struggling to find my "new normal" and I know it's a long journey ahead yet.

[jnajda]

The love and compassion in the comment section is truly a blessing. No judgements or critics, just supportive loving words to one another.

[simplyyroufii]

I lost my mom 4 days ago, i'm 20 yo and my mom was was so sudden, she talked to my grandparents the day before she died... And i'm still in shock, i came rushing from my uni dorm and our home feels really foreign to me without her... 😢 The pain is really unbearable, and i believe in God, so i believe she's in a better place rn waiting for us to be all a family again in heaven 😢🙏🏻❤️

[b.anders]

My daughter, only 14 y.o., died five months ago. It shattered me, it feels like I was amputated the day she died, the pain was and still is truly physical. Now, after these still short months, I begin to feel a little of what Marieke is talking about: I am still here. My daughter died, but I am still here. And moreover I have a son who depends on me. I have cried and cried and cried. I felt utterly desperate, deserted, desolate, literally broken hearted. But gradually I find that I still have a will to live. My sweet girl will allways be in my heart and mind, but she will not come back. Going on with my life felt like betraying her somehow, it didn’t seem an option, it didn’t feel right. But it no longer feels that way. I can honor her remembrance, talk about her loveliness, her life and death, only when I truly keep on living a full life. All important to me is that I allow myself to grief, really go through my loss, live through the many emotions that sometimes overwhelm me. Not only the sadness but also the loneliness and desperation, the anxiety and doubts about the future. And that was and still is hard for me but it is the only way and slowly it is becoming less. If you are in the same situation as me then trust that your resilience is strong enough to eventually pull you through. Give it time and go down that difficult road one step at a time. That is what I say to myself and that is what I would like to say to you. It is a lonely road but you are not the only one going it. Stay strong!

[flowdesigner]

I just want to see my mother again - for just 3 minutes.

[oscardiaz]

Even though my mom passed she's still present in me, and I am more than greatful for such a wonderful caring mother.

[kyaitskova]

I am 21 and my father passed away in the beginning of January 2020. Growing up with a single parent, he was my best friend and my only family. After spending time away from everything to reflect on my own life, I found this video. When she said she was a lot stronger than she thought, it hit home for me. I didn't know how I survived through that period but when she said she was resilient I felt that. When talked about blaming herself and why bad things had to happen to her, I couldn't believe how this person was speaking my mind. I am her. This is helping me through such a very hard time in my life. I am trying to reset my life, and make it my own, just as she did. That gives me hope. It seems like she turned out so beautiful inside and outside despite the pain and not letting that bring her down to achieve the best in her life :)

[jazzmynjorgenson]

Lost my mom at age 12, unexpectedly 6 years ago and now I'm a senior in high school living life. Still hurts, I cry a lot and know that my mom is in heaven. Thank you for your message and sorry for your loss.

[Stellaluna]

Her ending remarks are very powerful. My parents died a long time ago and I am still here. I know they would want me to move forward and find my place.

[miyenakamura]

when my mother passed and my father 20 years ago I felt abandoned. Then a young lady told me both of them live on in you. Most loving comment I recieved from anybody.