A midlife crisis in my mid-30s

Is it possible to have a mid-life crisis in your 30s? It turns out, from my research, the answer is yes (for women).

I think I'm having one.

When I was younger I was supremely confident about what my 30s would look like. And now I'm in my mid-30s I'm kind of worried I'm not where I'm meant to be. Did I make all the right choices up to now? Why does it look like other women my age have succeeded so much better?

Also: I'm terrified that I'm about to become an Invisible Woman. (I always coasted on my looks, but now weird things -- wrinkles, some fat -- are happening, and I didn't invite them. I'm now becoming known as 'Madame' instead of 'Mademoiselle' for god's sake!)

I'm now in full reassessment mode. And I'm bringing you along for the musings on it. But fear not: I'm having a cold, hard look at my aging angst in the cold, hard packed slopes of the French Alps. Skiing metaphors on aging!

** Shot on an iPhone, edited on an iPad with LumaFusion **

- "Little Things" by ANBR
- "Are You Ready" by Castle Heist
- "Baby I'm Stuck in a Cone" by Ge Filter Fish
- "When I Get There" by Maya Isacowitz

[susanmaltase]

Bonjour Aida~ oh boy! This video is a doozy. (I’m an American with funny petite mots like”doozy”). I’m nearly 56 and I’m here to tell you that as gravity takes hold of the body more and more, the well of wisdom you’ve stored over the years starts to overflow. You realize all those things that were so important back in the day hold little meaning now. This is so great when you stop caring that you can no longer wear sleeveless outfits. Who cares?! Something happens in the mind that is so liberating, it’s hard to explain but this must be what wisdom is. 😅 As your physical warranty expires, your mind is open and more forgiving. Liberte 🎉George Bernard Shaw once wrote “ youth is wasted on the young.” No truer words were ever spoken (or written, as is the case). I say, whatever stage in life you’re in, make the most of everyday. If you’re unhappy with a decision you’ve made, undo it. Don’t expect anyone to undo those decisions for you. You are the master of your domain. 🤘🏻😎love your videos. Thank you 🙏

[mariehosch]

Ahhh, at 56 i know those thoughts and questions well.. Ultimately I think the only thing we can measure ourselves by we can find in our own past... are we doing better than we were before, are we growing and doing pretty ok with our lives. As far as the future goes, the bar is always moving, always changing, as it should. We need this discomfort for growth and it keeps life from getting boring. And there is no right or wrong choice although i must add that the "right" choices feel REALLY good -but its a temporary "hit" of feel good- before the bar moves again. The "wrong" choices cause the greatest growth...

[Jed]

I am loving your videos Aida and I think you will always be the cool kid!!!! I think your feelings about your 30’s are valid, but I have found as you get older you stop worrying about how others perceive you and focus more on the things that really matter to you. You can still be cool, dress well and do cool things, but you will only do them if they really matter to you. I also think society and « biological panic «  lead people into having children when they shouldn’t. There are plenty of humans in the world and your life will be great either way.

[KarlOlofsson]

Staying in decent shape to have energy to do stuff is the hardest part, otherwise I think 30s-50s could be the best part of your life.

[ninasan]

That “snow angel is not working” bit is funny

[tammyyoung]

Firstly, I love your effervescent personality, and I don’t think that age will dampen that part of your spirit. I’m about to enter my 46th year, and let me tell you, the grey hairs bother me sometimes, but then other times I remember what a privilege it is to grow old enough to have grey hairs. I don’t like the aches and pains that I am experiencing, but I know I just have to get off my butt and get moving. I have three kids, aged 24, 16 and 13, so I understand your hesitancy to commit to having children, it’s the rest of your life, but it doesn’t define you. Some days, I feel like I’m still a teenager, other days I feel like I’m a thousand years old, but I’m a dreamer, and I love to laugh, and I’m sure there are people who think I’m immature, but, guess what? I don’t care what they think. I was read something that resonates with me still, ‘what other people think of you is none of your business!’ I repeat this to myself when I feel a bit insecure. Perhaps this could become a bit of a mantra for women as we age, or even when we are younger.

[TColoradoF]

I remember this feeling when I was in my mid- to late thirties, and someone told me that she once feared turning 40 but then discovered her 40s were the best years of her life, and then experienced the same thing in her 40-50s. I tried to hold on to that as I grew older, reminding myself that things might be really great. In many ways, they have been. I’m now 54 (! I am? !) and many younger people seem to see me as a “cooler” old lady 😅 Many are surprised when I tell them my age. I still love the things I’ve always loved, but I also appreciate much more who I am. That may be the secret to being okay with one’s aging - still feeling like yourself but having greater appreciation for all that it means. I imagine you as a “cool” old lady with a youthful energy and great sense of humor. You got this!

[PeterPenguin]

I think the answer to your questions are right in front of you… in choosing to make these insightful and different videos to express yourself. The happiness you derive from asking all those questions is a kind of answer to your question I’d guess. I find it’s amusing to see how the French are burning Paris over the retirement age being lifted to 62. Here it’s like 70! Anyhow, I’ve never discovered any crystal clear answers - I think the answer is to just enjoy perfect moments in each day and be content with that. So good luck, and thanks for your videos! ❤

[phightowerv]

Dear Mademoiselle Aida,
Reflecting and bringing about questions about one’s life, in my opinion, is a natural phenomenon of growth.
All I do know is your programs bring so much joy and insight into a country and city we love so much. We look forward to exploring new French frontiers thanks to you!
Best wishes for your own journey to be rich with memorable and inspiring adventures!

[jamesfahey]

I had a crisis in my 30s. It’s all an illusion. In summary, I embraced my own mediocrity and found that liberating. I just take each day as it comes. I also quit drinking and that helped. Yeah, and having kids has been good. I know it’s not for everybody. I am just so busy with them. Maybe before having kids I had time on my hands to ruminate, but now I just don’t have the time.

[amusingaida]

Some sage advice there, and you've obviously given a lot of thought to what you wrote. I appreciate the time and especially the insight you've generously shared. And I agree: there is an inordinate weight on women to rely on looks to navigate society. I'm no doubt guilty of pressing that too -- at least in the realm of YouTube and appearing before a camera. But as you rightly point out, our self-worth needs to be broader and more varied than that. I hope that I'm doing enough to expand those other horizons. I refuse to have superficiality reign over my life. But questions still persist about how well I'm doing at that, and indeed how I compare to peers. I wish for greater self-confidence, though I realize that is earned, not wished into existence. Where that fails, however, yes -- there is still humor!

[John-wxce]

Speaking as a 62 year old, we make choices that put us on a path to have opportunities, both personal and professional. For me, the really significant ones — maybe six in my life were almost or entirely happenstance. The rest is just “learn as you go.”

I applaud you for choosing happiness over the career that wasn’t doing it for you. I just made that decision myself. I am a slow learner!

My wife and I love your videos and think you are delightful. Keep your eyes open — you never know what’s next. You’re just getting started.

[kentbyron]

You are so beautifully vulnerable, it's courageous, and it's to ask a deep question, a universal question we all have to go through. You asked for advice so here's mine: Live in the present moment for that is where life is. My 30s were tough for me for similar reasons as you state (aging), and I have learned the present moment is the only place where we can feel time -because we are fully present for it, to be present to see it and experience it. When in the present moment, we buy the ticket and we saw the movie, we didn't space out and miss it. Try not to let anxiety rob your present moments, where life is. Everything's gonna work out. Don't worry so much. Your channel is spectacular... perhaps that's a part of your path in life and you had to do a lot of "character development" in order to make this channel so good. Love your channel and your philosophizing, your musings. ❤ And remember the natural law of impermanence. It is everywhere, deeeply embedded in the universe. Without impermanence you wouldn't be born, nor would you grow. Meditating on impermanence puts things into perspective, and can help one let go easier, because it's a natural law. Keep creating these remarkable videos please... great cinematography, full of mental nutrition. You're a blessing on Youtube. 🌹🌞

[yvonneb]

Haha, 30's sounds great to me. Over the years it rarely turns out the way we plan it. I made so many wrong choices. So, I learned to go with the flow. And, don't forget, it's about the journey. However, I feel it's good to set some goals and take steps towards them. ~ You seem great!💗

[boxorfurnace]

I’m 63, and I’m happier now and more at peace than at any point in my life. I truly love each day! If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would say “Relax, it’s all going to be ok”. I made tons of mistakes along the way, but those mistakes all brought me to where I am right now. Thank you for your many videos, including this one, they are all lovely!

[CatherineClark-jcwq]

Very much enjoying your videos (just found tonight). Love Paris, always stay in 13th by 5th. Will try some of your suggestions when there in late Sept. About the life stuff: it's always will be like this. 20's, 30's 40's, etc. It's the comparing with expectations from yourself and from others. You seem to have a good sense of self so trust that. I did have kids after thinking i never wanted any (had at age 34, 38, 41) and it's been both joyful and painful. But what isn't? My friends with no kids feel the same. Just be open to everything, don't shut a door that may bring happiness whatever it is. You are doing great--and it's always good to reflect on your life every so often! Keep on going with your YouTubes.

[machikr]

Hi Aida, since you asked for advice from an older person, let me give you some "sobering" thoughts from mid-50s. Perhaps let me express the gist in abstraction (I know French are great at it): life consists of symmetries. 

You can either stay mildy anxious or become blissfully free, depending on the price you pay. For the former, you need no crisis slapping you. But for the latter, you need an abruptly adverse occasion of life thrashing you very hard, like full-scale IRS investigation lasting a year or two, your in-law being jailed and you do your absolute best to get him/her out. It must be of such magnitude as to make you say afterwards "what the hell, do your worst" to just about anything that happens to you. Then, congrats, you've just joined the rarefied club of "been there, done that." (I know, real life's adventure does not occur as in Indiana Jones or Mission Impossible movies but in prosecutions, betrayals, investment losses, tax audits, family troubles, mais c'est la vie.) 

You'd rather live without the drama? Sorry, this is not your choosing. Then why am I telling you this? To suggest you a frame of mind in advance. In after years should troubles rise to cloud the blue of sunny skies (knock on woods), just remeber you've earned the right to join the club of complete freedom soon afterwards. Things will be hectic, but you will manage, get stronger by day and emerge unscathed, trust me. On the other hand, if nothing like that happens to you, voilà, that was the life you have wished for. So you are good either way. 

Of course, there is a symmetry to the above: if a drama happens, that was not what you wanted, and if nothing happens, you keep living with anxiety. You are not good either way. But now that you know, you can pick the right side of symmetry in your mindset - i.e., half-full rather than half-empty, as your mindset is up to you.

Sorry for my long windedness - I am a Korean and English has never been easy for me. I very much enjoy your great channel and I think French "politeness" in fact has very much in common with Korea's #1 import from ancient China: Confucianism. Its 4 tenets are: compassion (pity), fairness (justice), respect (politeness) and wisdom (judgment). I am your channel's fan (on my first day!), Napoleon and Rousseau are still my heroes, and hope to understand the infinitely alluring French mind! Thank you.

[joeherro]

Hello Aida, this is a beautiful video. Honesty and authenticity always go so far. As for life, there is an expression in English - "chose your hard" - that may apply. In other words, no matter what you choose, life will be a challenge and you will wonder if you made the "right" choice. That's how it's been for me. There are no immediate answers, because we understand / know (as in connaitre and not savoir) life backwards while we live it forwards. And, that's ok; just keep plugging along. I'm doing the same.

[privatetatum]

As a 48 year old who decide not to have children, I can tell you it was the BEST decision I ever made. Pretty much every day I realize how lucky I was to have dodged that bullet. 😊

[JaySwanson]

Seems like you're doing alright from the outside, you've done and seen a lot as your younger self had hoped, but I definitely understand the feeling. Hard to know what's "enough."