DON'T tell your friends about self improvement.

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bussin music by: @buimichaell

[ItsMeRuff]

have yall ever successfully gotten friends onto self improvement? and how did u do it?

[_Cruciality]

Getting friends on self improvment is like talking to a wall.

[mrspider]

Going through a villain ark won't change anything, true self improvement includes getting better socially, financially and mentally not just physically

[probablypablito]

You are not above anyone else because you are on a journey. Your journey is valuable and definitely worthy of respect, but the second you start thinking that you are better than everyone else because of it that all goes dispersal. Everyone is on a journey, and believe it or not, some people are comfortable with their lives and don't feel the need to improve it.

[yawsanevruh]

I don't know how old you are and what kind of people are in your class/school, but I used to have the same attitude towards other people at school when I was 15 years old and began self improvement. (Quick heads up: this will be a long comment, but just hear me out). I had just started my sophomore year of high school when I was 15 and I was 3 months into my self-improvement journey, and I lost 34 pounds in 2 months (I was quite a chubby guy), I would wake up at 4:30 AM to go run a mile first thing in the morning and workout and I'd meditate afterwards too. I'd workout again after school as well. Also at that point in my life, I was over a year and a half on my semen retention streak. My grades were better than they ever had been and I had earned respect as one of the top students. I was also way more athletic than I was before because I had gotten obsessed with calisthenics, so people respected me for my ability to do 50+ push ups, 100+ squats, etc.

Just like you however, I would hate talking to the people around me. I came to school after a morning of good work and I knew most of these guys came to school after waking up 10 minutes before their bus arrived. I would watch them shovel french fries and Oreos into their mouths in the cafeteria and casually drink many bottles of juice and soda. Yes, these are bad habits and I still don't indulge in any of them to this day (I'm 19 now). I used to watch a lot of spiritual YouTubers during this time and got brainwashed into not believing in science because it's "fake and it's made to brainwash us". Some self-improvement YouTubers have a similar perspective on science too, but it's usually less extreme. So whatever I learned in my physics and chemistry classes never fully stuck in my brain, because I didn't believe in it, despite me being good at maths. There were also times when we'd have social events at school and I'd hate it, because I viewed all the kids around me as NPCs. My mindset was "They're not on self improvement, so they're all a detriment to my life, therefore it'd be pointless to hang out with them". I didn't enjoy school as much as I should've because of this.

Fast forward 2 years to when I turned 17. I started dealing with really bad health problems and I couldn't work out anymore without making my condition worse. I started hating my life and I was suicidal for 5 months straight. I felt like a burden on my parents for not being able to keep myself healthy and I wasn't able to take on more responsibilities like a man should, because that'd increase my stress levels and make my condition worse. During this time, the only moments of joy that I'd experience were those with my parents or at school with my friends/classmates. It was when I went through this time that I realized everyone isn't really an NPC. Yes, a lot of teenagers will blindly follow the crowd and they'll follow whatever social media tells them is right. But they are still human beings with over a decade worth of experiences behind them.

I might not be able to change your perspective on your classmates with this comment, but I think it's just a good thing to keep in the back of your mind until you do have this realization. Whenever we start out on self-improvement, we tend to feel a sort of arrogance that we're better than others, because we move forward in life with the intent to improve in all areas, whereas everyone else won't have that same drive and intent. Be in the present moment and learn to enjoy your time with others, even if you have entirely different principles and goals. Not all your conversations need to be about self improvement. Even later in life, you're going to need to know how to interact with a variety of different people, and some of these people might be your polar opposite. I think the best way you can enjoy your time at school is to open your mind to everything. Obviously, you must have your own principles so you're not influenced by everything, but you'd be surprised to hear one of your classmates say something new that might actually resonate with you.

[hugomarquez]

Never try to change others unless they ask you for it. It's called SELF improvement for a reason. That being said, friends are important and the fact that a potentiel friend is or not into this self improvement culture is not meant to matter in this field. Good luck

[dogsdogs]

Bro this is not the right mindset. You may feel good about your improvements at first, but you will eventually find yourself being very selfish and cold towards other people. You don't have to force your friends to do what you do but you should always be there willing to help.

[N]

being arrogant is a very bad trait, putting this distance between you and the friends that don't care about self improvement is not really good. Believe it or not being a pleasant person to be around and talk to is still very important. I can say from personal experience that it's absolutely awful to be friends with someone that is convinced they're better than you so at least try not to make it too obvious or you may end up being disliked by people.

[KennyAMT]

I feel these self improvement people feel superior bc they have "a different and rare mindset". I never thought about self improvement as a single concept, or even as a cult. It's just something you do to improve yourself. Being thoughtful about your actions, questioning your choices from time to time, trying to be the best version of yourself and changing the things you don't like about you. But I've never felt anyone was too off from me. I mean I don't have TikTok just because I don't want to spend 6 hours on it (it has happened to me before), but that doesn't mean I don't vibe with that kind of people.
My point is, there are certain groups, where I don't think I would fit, not because I'm better, but because they are different. Sometimes worse, maybe, if they take too much drugs or gamble, idk. But fast food? I rarely take fast food because I feel it's too unhealthy, nonetheless I've never thought of people that regularly take it as inferior to me.
I've committed so much time to a YouTube comment I planned to be 2 lines of text... I don't know how I ended up elaborating so much. Worst part: I don't even know if my comment makes sense 😹.

[yamiph]

Its a bit extreme to say that people who aren't into self improvement "aren't even your friends". Surely you can have completely different interests compared to other people and still be friends with them.

[dialogo]

Why cant you be on self improvement and just have good friends at the same time, it doesnt matter if they are into video games or not- The truest and best type of friends are those who need to have any common interests with you- as long as their values and good and align with yours, thats what makes a good friend.

[calisthaloovi]

This is what I did in high school and it was the most regretful thing I've ever done to myself. I realize being humble and being open with the others who has different mindset is also important for my social life. I realize that I found myself the most happiest when I was around them eventhough I was never agree with their habits. It's a shame that everyone seemed to be so awkward around me because I was always being skeptical. It was not that I felt better than any of them, but I urged so much to improve myself and it made me forget to make connection that later would help me in the future. I was surprised that apperantly everyone is also doing well on their things, the friend who I thought always wasting time watching entertainment videos all day even in school ended up studying the language she likes and teaching the language on social media and having many followers. The friend that I thought was not gonna be that good because always not payinh attention in class apperantly got accepted in a school of art that she always dreamed of. I got accepted too in the major I wanted but college life is not as bounding as high school's. While everyone hangs out with their high school's close friends on holidays, I'm not meeting anyone because I was never really close with anyone. The worst thing is because I've always been the ambitious one to be better in high school, everyone expects so much from me and then I realize eventhough I'm good, I'm just an ordinary college student just like them, everyone is the same and that should be just fine. But I feel so horrible about it because I was being so arrogant and now I'm kinda struggling for not having that many friends. My friends get freelance, volunteer, and internship job easier and it's because they share each other the information that's usually hard to find on the internet. Wanting to improve yourself is good, but we don't know that maybe everyone is doing the same too, they just don't really show it, or they're just focus on themselve when they're on their own, and just having fun when they're with friends.

[evelinaauditore]

Darling, comparing spending your time with people with instant gratification is so weird, scary even. Starting on the self improvement journey from school age is fantastic and probably not a lot of your peers will follow that path, but there's nothing wrong with having buddies just for surface level talk and fooling around. We're not robots and need to let loose every once in a while and the more you avoid it, the more you'll regret it later in your life, speaking from experience here. Balance is key, not abstinence.

[ananyamahajan]

"Don't go to them. They will come to you."
Look, i have changed 10 schools and many cities. I meet a lot of new people and the only way to develop good social relations is reaching out to others and showing kindness. No matter how "amazing" or "impressive" you are, do NOT expect people to come licking your boots or something. My cousin who, an year back, got out of her small bubble of world and entered college struggled with exactly this. She was an excellent student and was great with her routine. But she expected people to give her the attention, rather than trying to reach out. I have more nitpicks with the video but others have already pointed them out anyway.

[ignatcristian]

Friends with different interests don't simply serve to distract. They are people, not objects. People always tend to see others very one-dimensionally. You can have different values and interests from a friend and still be good friends. I don't understand why people can't accept others that have different beliefs and ways of thinking.

Personally I think people that blame others for "distracting" them just can't take responsability. As long as those friends aren't actively trying to stop you in your tracks and don't get upset when you cannot be with them, they're absolutely fine. You can sit next to friends that eat junk food, and you can refuse to do so. You can sit next to friends that drink alcohol, and you can refuse to do so. As long as they don't push it down your throat or make fun of you for your decision, it's not their fault. People need to see the good in others. Whenever I'm busy and I follow something they don't share an interest in, I don't allow friends to distract me. I simply refuse hanging out and they understand. I do what I have to do first.

Also, I think that being friends to people who are very different from you can be beneficial and fun. You can debate about a lot of interesting things, understand different perspectives, even if you don't agree. You learn to accept others for who they are, as there are so many ways of living and thinking, and as long as they don't harm you, they're perfectly valid aswell. It just depends on who you want to be as a person, what you care about and what things things you want to accomplish.

I'm tired of the self improvement elitists policing what the "right" way to live is. There's no "right" way to live. If you ever have the occasion to argue with an intelligent person about what they think of life, you'll just understand we simply aren't "wired" the same way. Some people are satisfied by such a lifestyle, some aren't. I really don't mean to make you feel bad or anything, but you sound pretty arrogant throughout the video.

It's very important to have social connections and be a sociable and pleasant person to be around. Talking to people who are convinced they are better than you feels terrible, and trust me, people are able to tell. You are correct when saying you shouldn't try to force your lifestyle onto your friends. Waiting for them to see the changes in your life and come asking you for advice if they are interested is a good thing. But even if they aren't interested, you don't need to cut them out.

Learn to have fun with others, even if you have entirely different views and goals. Not everything you discuss needs to be about self improvement. In life, you'll have to know how to interact with so many kinds of people, and some of which may be totally different from you.






Now, I'm about to tell you a story about my "friends" on self improvement. It's fairly long. I separated it from the original comment, as it's just my personal experience.

My friend group got into this self improvement sphere snd started consuming this type of content.I got on board too. I got cut off by my "friends" because they thought I'm low energy and uninteresting (basically we weren't "vibing", or "not on the same wavelength").

I was also trying to follow this self improvement advice, and I'm still trying, as I am interested in "bettering" myself, but I never considered applying it fully as I want to focus on different things and I don't believe in cutting pleasure entirely. I mostly try applying the workout part and the social aspects.

I've seen some people in the self improvement community that simply cannot understand other perspectives or the concept that not everybody will want to live life the same way as them. They simply think they are correct and people who don't agree just are stubborn and won't listen.

They consider me a bad influence for them and told me I'm not hard working enough, completely ignoring the fact I just focus on different things that they deem "useless" such as school (I want to get the best grades I can, even if it's useless). To be fair I'm generally lazier. Still, a bad influence is a stretch as I never tried influencing them to do anything they don't want to do. I don't smoke, I never got drunk, I rarely go to clubs or parties and I work out but I was the bad influence apparently. Perhaps they were referring to my world view and my way of thinking.

They told me I seem sad and depressed and they don't want my bad energy to influence them. (I'm not depressed, I'm less motivated and I'm pessimistic sometimes, but I'm still trying to improve). Of course, there's also the fact they were saying that about me behind my back. I found out because another friend of mine told me what they're saying about me. Basically they see me as this one dimensional lazy guy that does things half-assedly and is very pessimistic. I had a constant feeling they were acting like they were better than me. It's awful to be friends with someone that is convinced they're better than you.

I just get the feeling people don't like their friends having different perspectives on life and find it hard to associate with people with different ways of thinking. Maybe they just don't like their views challanged. Still, for the most part I didn't get in their way and I encouraged them.

Maybe I am in the wrong and they're actually right. In the end, this is only my perspective. To be honest, hearing you talk reminded me of one of the friends who wants to cut me off. Still, cutting people off like they are objects feels trashy. Just pointing out how I'm supposedly inferior to them felt arrogant, without regard for the one you're telling these things to. I'm glad I found out what they think about me though.

[sleepinbed]

I think you just believe there's one and only way around self-improvement; yours. What's wrong with waking up, getting ready and going to class? Not everyone's idea of a good lifestyle focused on improvement is hitting the gym hours before school, at dawn. Not everyone's idea of self improvement is getting physically stronger, starting a business, and whatnot, and not everyone's idea of success is this either. In your school, wherever you are, and however old you are, there are many different types of people, some immature, some less. A lot of them want to find success, a lot of them want to find peace and content. Your idea of success seems to be getting strong, starting a business and making money. Someone else's idea of success may be becoming an expert at something, another's could be helping people in healthcare, someone would adore to be a professor, someone simply wants a garden and a family. The people in your gym are very diverse as well; some are there to get ripped, some are there to simply be healthy and want to stay lean, some are there only temporarily because they want to lose weight or get in shape and don't have any other long-term goals. Not everyone wants what you want, and that is all fine; with humans, all is relative. You said it yourself - when people see you get stronger, and see your business take off, some will find themselves in that and want to be like you, but some will not. The idea that the former are good, and latter are bad, however, is very immature and makes very little sense. There are people who will look at you, and will not find themselves in you nor their goals in yours, simply because they want something different out of life, and just because those goals are different does not make them bad.

[elibrahimi]

just for perspective, i am 17 at the moment of typing this comment ;
i don't really know much about you, but from what i've seen and experienced throughout my life, and from what i observed in the life of other people from all age variants, socializing is an essential part of living, and definitely not a kind of instant pleasure like drugs, video games and such, perhaps, it's the most natural and healthy way to keep the balance of struggle and pleasure in life .
Being different is surely painful, and will set you through really hard times, but that doesn't mean that you can't spend your time with anyone, friends aren't supposed to be the people we become, they're people that we observe, learn from, and in some cases take care of .
Just because your friend can't handle self improvement does not make them an NPC, or a normie, they are also living humans with full conciousness, and you don't have to be like them per say, but that doesn't stop you from trying to help them .

[lunarshado]

this is definitely true. After a few months of self improvement, you can visibly feel the changes and when your friends catch the change, they'll def be so shocked and that reaction is so rewarding and makes you want to get better. You're feeling better you yourself and you're also making others feel motivated or awed from which you gather reward. Its a win win

[Drnbw]

I have a real-life case study example of doing EXACTLY this. I'm an 18 year old girl and I’ve been into self-improvement basically since middle school but really got into it at 16-17 years old. As a girl, it was especially hard to get along with other “normal” girls since its mostly guys who are into the self-improvement world.
Anyways I’d sit alone and listen to Andrew Huberman or nutrition podcasts during lunch and studied during my free time. I did great in school, straight As, 5s in AP classes, worked out, ate strictly whole plants, intermittent fasting with occasional 40 hour fasts, morning sunlight, walks in nature, all that. Had zero social media, didn’t go to prom, homecoming, football games, etc. I thought to myself basically the exact same thing you did—we’re just not on the same wavelengths, they’re onto a path of self-destructive behaviors, we’re all going to different colleges anyways; why even try. So I felt good about self-isolating.

Until I didn’t. The longer I avoided others and focused on myself, the more I got in my head. The more I started analyzing how others saw me, what they thought of me, how I looked, etc. Soon enough I developed social anxiety. And not just like being a lil nervous talking to people, but a full on blushing disorder. And this is coming from someone who was always extremely extroverted and confident as a kid and who always took the lead in class projects/presentations.

It got so bad to the point where I couldn’t even talk about my passions or things that excited me because I’d start turning tomato red lol. And the looks I worked so hard for now became a source of anxiety as I’d turn super red whenever someone called me pretty or complimented my body. But at least I knew about the double inhale/long exhale to relieve stress…

I also started to develop a sort of contempt for the kids just living their lives. How could they be drinking straight sugar and eating all this processed food and have clear skin? How could they be on social media and have all these fake friends on Snapchat and not be depressed? How are could they have zero self-awareness for their actions? Yes I knew they’d probably face some sort of consequence but I wanted them to face it now. And I know that sounds evil cause it was.

However, that’s when I learned that ignorance is bliss. Being with others and socializing is what gets you out of your head. It's what gets you to live in the moment and make fun memories. Not having this extreme self awareness allowed them have functioning social skills.

You don’t have to go out of your way to make friends with others because it will be naturally be harder and they can definitely pull you down. But developing a superiority complex can be detrimental to your mental health and ability to socialize. I’m not saying to go out of your way to become besties with those who vape and drink and party. There are people you should avoid. But there are good “normal” people out there.

Going back to my example, yes there were many girls who all they would talk about was gossip and TV shows—who I would avoid. But there were also funny, decent girls who could’ve given me comfort and confidence in my darkest times—who I also avoided. Stay grounded, cause arrogance will bite you in the back.

[pumasocks]

they don't have to be invested in self-improvement to be your friend.