Why We Need to Feel Heard

Though we all long to have our feelings and needs acknowledged, it seems that nothing is more common than for these to be neglected by people around us. We take so little time to listen to one another and to show that we have absorbed what people have told us. As a result, everyone gets increasingly angry and - deep inside - sad. The answer is to make the art of listening a global priority.

FURTHER READING

“One of our deepest longings – deeper than we even perhaps recognise day to to day – is that other people should acknowledge certain of our feelings. We want that – at key moments – our sufferings should be understood, our anxieties noticed and our sadness lent legitimacy. We don’t want others necessarily to agree with all our feelings, but what we crave is that they at least validate them. When we are furious, we want another person to say: I can see that you’ve been driven to distraction. It must feel very chaotic for you inside right now for you. When we are sad, we want someone to say: I know you’re unusually down and I understand the reasons why. And when we can’t take it all any more, we want someone gently to say: It’s been too much for you; I recognise that so well; of course it has…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Jesse Collett

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[QuestionEverythingButWHY]

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey

[tobe]

Not being heard during childhood and one's teenage years, may lead to many insecurities as an adult, one of which is the feeling of unworthiness and lack of self esteem.

[NotYoAverageKid]

I'm glad there are things like this available. If there wasn't, I don't know where my mental health would of been by now.

[norbidrake]

This is gold, one piece is missing though. That need, craving of being heard and understood is originated in a childhood, so the real solution is to reparent ourselves. When we feel needy of being heard, the best way is to find that wounded inner child part and listen to it and give it all what was needed.

[johndonaldson]

The most unavailable commodity in today's world is a genuine listener

[danielh]

Great timing, This is the exact problem i'm having right now.

[yoyoyo]

I learned a good way to do is just ask questions...like when someone starts talking about some unpleasant feeling I just ask What happened? How are you feeling? How are you doing? What are you gonna do? Then I just listen to their answers.. People can usually work things out by themselves they just need a listening ear

[sauravnanda]

Is it just me or this episode just summed up my life of running after people to make them listen and their reaction makes us sick to our stomach because they couldn't just adhere to this simple empathy. If only more people could understand the simple joy that can bring us by just listening and not judge us for a second to the words we say

[MaybeLily]

I always used to wonder why affirmation or reassurance is a huge part of my love language- growing up my parents did their utmost best to ignore my feelings, or tell me I'm being too gloomy or what i'm worried about didn't matter. I know its just what they know but I hope i can take these lessons I learnt from my own life and be better for my [future] kids.

[mihirkardile]

I've had this "problem" of not being heard for as long as I can remember myself existing. And so, I turned to creating stuff and fell in love with it as it provided me with an outlet to all my emotions. I went on to fall in love with Design and Motion Graphics and I used that passion to do both - express myself and turn it into my livelihood. I've been working since the age of 16. Now (I'm 20), I've started to notice a pattern - I turn to my art every single time I've felt unheard and alone. People often call it "hustle" or "grind" or "ruthlessly driven" and while that may be a good thing at some level, underneath it all is nothing but this void I'm trying to fill. And isn't that what everyone does? "Dreams?" Burying myself in work to turn away from the fact that nobody's listening to me. Telling myself "I'm going to prove everyone wrong" and "I'm gonna have a bigger life" Isn't it all just an attempt to fill a void inside us? I don't know man - this has been eating me up inside and has been making me feel guilty for the "hustling" I do. But creating is the only thing that keeps me at peace.

Edit: just realized this comment was me expressing myself in the comments section full of strangers trying to be heard. Well, if you did, thank you. And you're feeling this too, know you're not alone.

[silverstar]

I've always considered myself a good listener. But somehow I've never felt being heard / listened. A lot of people think I'm their best friends while I don't think I have any best friend. I feel like I've not talked about my feelings for so long that I'm not capable to do so anymore...

[kevinhung]

This video is so amazingly true. When you don’t acknowledge people’s issues and just ignore them or push them away, it will only build up and cause them to become more bitter and angry. Sometimes people just need to be heard and acknowledged. Many a times I’ve talk about issues of depression, anxiety, and anger and people would just tell me to “stop complaining”, “man up”, “quit whining”. It gets so frustrating and it build up to a boiling point then I snap. This video needs to be shown to everyone.

[PatriotMommy]

I've always tried to offer advice or help to someone when they are confiding in me or venting. I've recently realized that I cannot always fix their problems and maybe that isn't even what they are asking me to do but instead to just listen to what they have to say without adding my 2¢.

[nadahashim]

I teared up when i heared the parent/child conversation 😢

[darena]

sadly, we don't always have someone by our side who is willing to listen and understand us in such a way. i have personally struggled a lot with this in the past and this is what helped me: write it out. get a piece of paper, a pen and just brain dump. it doesn't need to be a structured text - just anything that helps you visualise your feelings. words, doodles, scribbles, anything really. put your emotions into that paper. after you're done writing, burn it. this will also get rid of the anxiety that another person might see it without your consent. most importantly, be patient. someone who is willing to listen and truly understand you will eventually come into your life, i promise.

[citizen-of-wonderland]

I can tell I've been starved for emotional intimacy because I started sobbing when the narrator said "it's all been too much for you, hasn't it?"

[ziksy]

"That's rough, buddy."
- Zuko

Be like Zuko.

[kairomain]

*Who else dropped everything to watch this?* _i should probably pick up my cousin now.._

[ziksy]

I remember highschool being particularly taxing on my mental health. But I had this teacher that till this day is still one of my favourite people that I've ever met. At the time I jokingly referred to her as my psychotherapist. She wasn't even the school counselor or anything, she was just the Art teacher. But she would always listen to me talk about my personal problems whenever she had time. Looking back, I don't think she offered any particularly groundbreaking advice. But what she did was acknowledge my problems. She was very sympathetic and always said it's normal that I was feeling what I felt.

I used to think that I had no excuse to have any mental health issues. My childhood was easy and I had parents who cared deeply about me. But as I grow up I start to see their flaws more and more. And I know they did their best, but nonetheless I could link some of the problems I have now to them. Till this day I always find myself concealing my emotions around them. It's as if something in me has been conditioned to not even try to solicit any meaningful emotional support from them. I guess that's why I liked the company of my Art teacher so much.

[trendingasmr]

As a black American during this time this video would be tremendously beneficial for everyone to watch. I don't think that my community has an intent to create violence in upheaval. But there is a definite need to not only be heard but empathize with. And have policies that recognize that empathy. Recognize that it is frightening for us to find out we are pregnant with boys oh, it is scary for us to see a cop while driving we all have palpitations when it occurs. To know that we are last picked in a resume run up based off of our name. Or someone in power to recognize these everyday simple struggles as emotionally overwhelming and towering to our ability to function in the day to day Manor. That's inciting the need for overwhelming coping skills that get drained after so many decades of underlined daily racial stress