How I knew I was Transgender

♡ MY SOCIALS:

[taravati]

as young as 8 years old I would lay in bed all night just wishing and hoping I would wake up a girl. not because I thought it would make my life easier or better. it just felt like right for me and I had these thoughts for almost 10 years I got over it for a time but about 4 years ago at 28 the feelings and desire came back. I waited for a couple more years before making a final decision been on hormones for 8 months now and I'm happier than ive ever been. my only regret is i waited til 31 years old to finally transition.

[koridevereaux]

I developed around 13 or 14, I never recognized it as dysphoria until recently. The idea of me turning into an old man is unacceptable to me. Not being old in itself but an old man? Absolutely not. I could def see myself as a cute lil grandma making cookies and talking shit on the front porch 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Stephanie-ivmv]

100% its validating to hear how similar it is for so many of us.

[Dannydefeato]

I'm a cis female but you're so well spoken and your voice is so soothing so here I am binging your videos during quarantine

[amlia.s]

As a nonbinary person, i think nonbinary people fit under the trans umbrella. Dysphoria isnt just about feeling a disconnect between you and your body, its about people not seeing you for you. One could just say binary trans people and nonbinary trans people as a way to define them. The definition of being trans is not identifying with your gender assigned at birth and gender isnt always binary. Also some binary trans people dont have dysphoria about their body and dont medically transition and they are still valid. Thats my thoughts on that, thank you for sharing tho.

[Kazuto]

People, gender is a social construct. It doesn’t matter if trans people offend you. Get over it. Yes, you have freedom of speech and you don’t have to use a trans person’s pronouns, but they also don’t have to use your pronouns. It’s better if everybody just grows up and learns to respect other people.

[janecme]

"That moment. Everything clicked" we never forget that <3

[eviealaya]

When I really look back I see all the signs too. I always was jealous of my sisters because they got to do what I wanted to do. They got to dress the way I wanted to. They got to act a certain way without being looked at as weird or “gay” and it just wasn’t fair to me and it really got to me especially when my dad would constantly say “I need to man you up!” 🤮 but it was so much more than being feminine for me. I had body parts that didn’t make sense to me and didn’t match how I felt on the inside and I thought if I told my parents or anybody they wouldn’t understand and probably would disown me because of the way they talked about people in the LGBTQ community and I didn’t want that to happen to me. I hated being a boy so much I would live my life in fantasy. I would pretend I was a pretty girl and had all the right parts and people thought I was just really gay and effeminate but I would just shake it off because I didn’t like being called a man period. Then around 17 I developed my first actual crush and thought maybe I could be a gay man but be a girl on the inside and him be my man and I be his girl but he had to be masculine and only play the male roles in the relationship which was a terrible idea because it literally didn’t feel any different from being a guy with a guy who kept calling me “handsome” and admiring my male genitalia which was a total turn off to me! I knew of trans people I saw on tv but didn’t think I could ever be trans because I couldn’t express myself like that without the fear of losing those I loved and most importantly it I even had access to the hormones or the surgeries to help affirm my true gender identity. But at 20 years old I’m tired of lying to everybody and most importantly myself! I’ve never been happy with who I was or what I was and I know after faking it for so many years that this is the pathway I must take to be truly happy and live my life to the fullest. I’m done living my life as a man. And I don’t care who I have to lose to get there! This is my life and I know this is what I’m supposed to be and who I am. And I don’t care what I have to do to become the woman I have always wanted to be. I’ve only been out for a month but I’ve always been this way and now I’m free to be who I want to be and live my truth!

[peterwhitney]

You seem such an incredibly smart, pretty and wonderfully articulate young lady that - even if an accident of birth stole your true physical identity in your earlier years - today you are clearly simply a very special human being and a credit to womanhood - full stop. Dave (using my wonderful late husband's youtube account)

[sarag]

Hi Maya, I am a cis gender woman but I love watching you because your advice helps people going through so many things. Your so beautiful. Along with that you are highly intelligent and very worldly. You should write a book that could help everyone❤️

[teresamessenger]

Fascinating!! Thank goodness for gender reassignment surgery. I'm not trans, just a mom, nurse, and love to learn.

[Claire-wcmd]

You're so eloquent and have really excellent explanations, I really appreciate your fun, personal, and educational videos!

[janska]

In kindergarten, when I found out I'm actually a boy, I was crushed cuz I just identified myself as female. Since then I'm confused... I ignored it somehow until my graduation year and now I just got that feeling back from kindergarten. I always felt different in a way. Things like masturbation don't feel right in a way that the dick is not me. I look in the mirror and don't see me but also don't know what I want to see.
I struggle with my sexuality but also with my body itself. I stopped living since Kindergarten and just lived for school after being sort of rebellious in primary school... I got good grades cuz it distracted me from my problems. Never trusting anyone cuz I don't want to get personal. That meant for me to be myself. Wich I couldn't. I'm going to be 20 this year and just started putting all the pieces together.

Just to sum up the picture about myself, I don't necessarily look female. Nor stereotypically gay. I don't have to of course but that alone made it even worse because of the social construct of girls and boys. For instance I played with legos and sat in a sandpit for hours... I was building huts in the woods. But also played with dolls when i got the chance to. I loved it so much. I didn't necessarily fit into either one of the two.
But with what i played with doesn't matter but as what i felt like doing all if this mattered. I know that know.

I listen to Kim Petras' music and one of my favorit YouTubers in trans but your video is the first i watched on my jurney to educate myself more about being trans and to finally fullfill myself.

As I said I just started to put all the pieces together.

Thank you for sharing your experience! Great video! <3

[Akemi]

Parents: there was no signs
Me when 7/8yo: buying femme clothes in club penguin cuz I wanted to be a girl

[Lilacil]

i'm like 3 minutes in & i just want to cry because i feel so validated.

[elleegrim]

Hi! Been watching your videos for a few months here while starting on hrt and they’ve been really helping me feel less alone in that process. I do have some thoughts on your comments about non-binary not being trans.

I’m a non-binary person and prefer they/them pronouns. However, I am currently in the process of transitioning and developing more feminine features, and being able to present as female is more in line with how I see myself and feel comfortable. I heavily relate to a lot of the things you said here about being trans, but see myself more as a non-binary person although I may be viewed as more traditionally trans mtf down the line.

That’s what I feel fits with how I see myself. Honestly had I been born female I still feel as though there would be a bit of a disconnect with gender identity for me. Yes trans people are trans, but your definition I feel sort of removes people like myself who feel a lot of those same feelings, but I’m not confused about my identity. In that I know the non-binary label feels right and provides me the least discomfort. I feel as though the rigid definition that trans people can’t be non-binary isn’t exactly accurate.

That is to say, in my opinion with my life as an ultimate example:
Trans people are trans, non-binary people are non-binary, but trans people can also be non-binary and exhibit the ideals of being gender non-conforming, while also being more comfortable often being perceived as a gender opposite of which they were born. Gender identity is a spectrum, and I don’t think the label of trans has to mean the same thing for everyone, so long as at the end of the day we get to feel more comfortable in our skin. 🖤

[wil]

I know for a fact that I'm transgender and that being myself is the only path to happiness, but my parents say that I cant transition until I move out of the house. It makes my life so much worse and I'm sad and depressed and dysphoric every single day and it's awful.

[temtem]

I’ve always considered “transgender” to be a flexible umbrella term which includes both binary and non-binary people. It covers persons that do not identify with the gender assigned at birth/gender associated with their sex. After all, a non-binary AMAB person, for example, doesn’t identify with male gender, thus, they are transgender, but in a way that’s not fitting in either of binary categories.

For many folks it’s an outdated term, but I’ve seen a plenty of people use “transsexual” to specifically refer to themselves as binary trans people. Cause, technically, it’s a transition from a gender associated with one sex to a gender associated with the opposite sex. Plus, many people who medically transition from point A to point B use it to highlight their experiences. I’ve heard people use both labels to identify themselves, with one being more specific than the other, which is cool. People who do not like the “transsexual” label are entitled to do so and it’s perfectly fine.

I do relate to a lot of things in the video, so thank you a lot for sharing. I wanted to share my perspective too, especially since a plethora of my friends are non-binary and I identify with their experiences even as a pretty binary person, from self-perception to dysphoria. Plus, many of them seek a certain degree of medical transition. They just have a different goal in mind.

[Jim-oept]

Thank you so much Maya! It's not a simple topic! I struggled with this question all my adult life, never finding the courage to actually transition. I didn't even hear the word "transgender" until I was in my early fifties. I thought I was a run of the mill crossdresser until I encountered all the resources on the internet, like WPATH, the Williams Institute at UCLA Law School, the National Center for Transgender Equality, and all the independent psychologists on the internet. Of course, most of all, were the brave transgender women like yourself that helped me to confront my innermost truths. Anyone who thinks this is some kind of whim or fad is way off, and needs to read the growing body of work by experts in many fields, legal, medical, psychiatric, etc. Thank you for your courage. It's people like you that make this a better world for the whole LGBT community! Stay strong!

[troyr]

Hope all is well....you seemed a bit upset. I just wanted say thank you...why you ask?? Watching your videos helped me be more accepting of my coworker who is transgender. I was once a biased hater but since I've watched your videos. My eyes and heart are wide open. She is truly one of many coworkers I hold dear to my heart. And you, sweet Maya, I love you for your beauty, your strength, your❤, for being real. Love you😘.