Why some people are always late - BBC REEL

Every friendship group has at least one person who is known as 'the late one'. But why do some people struggle so much with punctuality?

BBC Reel's Dan John speaks to authors Grace Pacie and David Robson about the psychology of being late – and whether we can train our brains to be more punctual.

Video by Dan John

#bbcreel #bbc #bbcnews

[BBC_Global]

Are you a timekeeper or a time-bender?

[annebogert]

I once heard someone call it "time optimism".... and every since then, my whole life made sense. I am late to the place I'm going next, because I'm focused on where I am right now. I optimistically think I have more time than I do to finish what I'm currently working on or to finish a current conversation with someone ... and then, low and behold, every time, I have less time than I optimistically thought I did and I end up being late.

I've had to force my time optimist self to see the amount of time things take in a pessimistic/realistic light rather than think I can magically continue in the present moment without any consequences in the future.

[hilarykirkby]

For years I was always late. I always underestimated how long it would take to do something. So, if I had five minutes 'to spare' I'd try to get x, y or z done. And then, of course, I'd still need to find car keys, specs etc in those five minutes.

[clairekelly]

It's called time blindness. It's a symptom of ADHD, as are many of the other traits mentioned. People with this adrenaline levels that are usually lower than average, imparing executive function which regulates awareness of the passage of time. The reason we can be on time sometimes is because an external factor has caused elevated adrenaline. However, this means we can end up living in a pretty much constant state of fight or flight. Exhausting.

[unicorn-glasses]

This is actually a common trait of ADHD that is becoming more well known lately, it's often called "time blindness." Our brains literally do not perceive the passage of time the same way that neurotypical brains do. I have ADHD and I'm late to EVERYTHING. It doesn't matter whether it's something I want to go to, something I'm excited about, or something I dread. Work, doctor's appointments, outings with friends, even when I set a time deadline to go to the grocery store on my day off, I'm always late. I've tried getting up earlier, setting alarms, laying everything out so I don't have to look for stuff, etc. Somehow I just don't realize how much time is passing and it always feels like time is passing much more slowly than it actually is. It has had significant negative effects on my life and I'm making a genuine effort to change it but everything I try fails. It really sucks to know that everyone else sees you as rude and uncaring when you quite literally hate yourself for it, hate doing it, try not to but somehow it just doesn't change.

[teresayeates]

I discovered that the times I was late was when I was going to places I did not really want to go. It was a subconscience thing on my part and my being late made things worse, I ended up late and stressed as well as feeling guilty.
Since then I have discovered I also suffer from social anxiety disorder. It is important for me to have boundries, to know I can say no.

[EiriniKouli]

It's also cultural. If you're in Greece, you are almost expected to be late for social gatherings. If you are invited to someone's house, you must never be on time. You must always be 10-15 minutes late, because it is assumed that they won't be completely ready

[ayemiksenoj]

It's amazing to me that no one specifically mentioned anxiety as a reason for being chronically late. I can want to do something, even set it up. An as the time draws closer find myself extremely late; to work, social events, and even with turning in assignments. At one point I was constantly late for church and I realized that I was trying to miss the beginning where everyone had time to talk and socialize with one another. I've also been late picking my kids up from school when it's less than a mile away. I realize in part I'm not time conscious enough and the other part is I'm anxious to be seen and engage. Even though I'm constantly trying to break out of my comfort zone and live a more enjoyable life. Lately, I've been looking at the fact that I need to give myself an extra 30 minutes to an hour to get places so I have a moment to de-stress. Yet, as of today, it's still a struggle.

[naomi]

I’d love to hear more about “time blindness”. I have friends who can guess how much time has passed to the minute, but I can’t tell whether 5 or 25 minutes have passed. I’ve read that people with dyspraxia often have trouble with planning and time management which is interesting.

[lmack]

I disagree that the reason I'm on time for planes but late for my friends is because of consequences. I'm frequently late for friends and exercise classes - and there ARE consequences. I feel AWFUL, I feel really bad for my friend, and it ruins the first half of out time together, because I feel so bad - I can't relax/enjoy myself/listen to what they're saying. Same for exercise classes - sometimes I'm so late, the teacher doesn't let me join in, or if I do it's never as good because I've missed the warm up and I'm on the back foot.

I think the difference is not consequences, but frequency. I catch a plane less than once a year. It's a big deal. I can be on time, but it takes an awful lot of planning ahead, and usefully takes hours of my time to get there on time. That's fine for a special/rare occasion. But I don't have the energy, or capacity to manage that level of planning for daily/ weekly occurences.

I'm continuing to try new strategies for my time keeping - as it's something I do want to get better at - but for some people it guenuinly is difficult.

[ranjana]

I used to be always late for everything but when I joined a dance academy, I was so excited for every class that I reached the studio half n hour early to warm up and leave half n hour later because I wanted to dance more. My passion for dance helped me become punctual. Always follow your dreams. ✌️💃

[babyfefe]

This is spot on, I'm messy and disorganized because I can never finish something before starting another. The reason why I'm always late to meet friends is because I always bet myself I can fit all these tasks within this time, but I go over. It is a strong betting feeling. When it comes to hard deadlines, such as for school papers, I can lose sleep, suffer through, and pump out those papers intensely. Getting ready for friends is not a challenging intense work mode so I simply bet myself I can have enough time for all these getting ready tasks. I just end up apologizing all the time and feeling crappy, but friends simply expect me to be late now.

[Gleem]

I simply have ADHD. We are time blind as a result of our brains being wired differently. That hyperfocus is part of our makeup. Our attention is either not present or TOO present. We thrive in highly structured environments, but we find it almost impossible to create those schedules or stick to them. ADHD motivation paralysis is an issue too. So, this isn't really a personality thing, but a brain "wiring" issue.

[stariadreamtea]

Another suggestion I have for people to consider is TRAUMA. There are a lot of people suggesting chronically late people may have ADHD (a kinder suggestion than simply implying they do not care about other people, rather they are neurodivergent) and another thing to consider being the deeper reason behind your lateness might be trauma. Depression, PTSD or any other extreme mental duress where you may zone out, have flashbacks or even disassociate here and there from your everyday life as a result of unhealed and uncared for traumas. Be kind to yourself and don't instantly throw yourself under the bus for not functioning like a bullet-proof robot. Usually if something like chronic lateness is impacting your work, friendships and life it's not a mere result of not caring or being lazy. Please consider if you have something deeper going on.

[randolphpinkle]

I'm a timebender, BUT I look at punctuality as a kind of personal responsibility. It is an important component of my life's philosophy. There are many reasons to be late, early, and on time.

[christinaloving]

Sounds like time blindness in ADHD. Not "personality traits", but neurodiversity. Our brains are wired differently. So it's about learning coping strategies to navigate neurotypical society. Some apps and tricks work better with one person than they will with another. I have to use a few different tricks to be timely for tasks, appointments, etc. But it doesn't change how my brain perceives time, just how my timing appears to others.

[nicoleleafty]

Interested parties may want to look into ADHD. We’re often time-blind, late, or hyperfocused.

[DasNetzwerk]

If you are "always late" go make a test for ADHD! Yes, especially if you are an adult.

[terenceaaron]

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Timebender, master of time, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he was late.

[ChicknScrtch]

Late, messy desk, working better under pressure, hyperfocusing...you just described my ADHD.