How to Help an Alcoholic or a Drug Addict: Detachment with Love

[WhatsNardin]

Wow, the concept of avoiding arguing to ensure that you cant be used as an excuse to drink is a tough battle, but one that has to be had

[Missvee]

It’s so hard 😭. I love my partner so much. It’s painful to watch the self destruction. 😞

[readymadeplague]

The fact that you are responding to comments 5 years later is amazing. I love my wife more than anything, and I am so glad that I found this video. I am familiar with the concept but I haven’t heard it in a way that actually makes sense to me. I am going to watch this video as many times as I need to in order to fully understand and bolster my confidence in me, and know that I am not detaching out of spite or anger, but out of love and the hope that the realization that comes with the consequences of actions will help the woman I fell in love with.

[claudiasalazar]

I came across this video as I was ready to give up on my partner. I’ve spent years trying to understand why he can’t just stop drinking even though he tells me he wishes he could. Yet, he won’t get help. My heart is heavy and this really helped to put my feelings in perspective. I felt so much anger for him letting me down. His father was a Alcoholic and so was my dad. I will be attending my first al anon meeting Friday and this video has brought me hope. Reading everyone’s comments makes me feel like I am not alone. Thank you for this!

[jeremyking]

I set boundaries finally, and when I stopped enabling, she left me and found someone that would enable her. 😔

[sunshine-smnf]

This is so helpful. I have 2 adult alcoholic kids just like their Dad. I must grieve the loss of my illusions, dreams & hopes for the alcoholics and my life together. This just about killed me when they turned out like their Dad, with this disease and nothing I can do about it. I go to Alanon which helps but after kicking and screaming I am finally accepting.

[nathalievriesde]

I strongly disagree with, letting them get out of your live is the easy way out and you will not learn anything from it. It s what I did almost 3 months ago. I gave him a a choice after a long time of trying to deal with his alcoholism. He disrespected the boundaries I set. No empty threats, so get help or move out. And he moved out. This was the hardest thing ever. Still struggling with doubt and fear and guilt, feeling I failed, and grieve of losing my love and our future plans. Not easy at all. I am in contact with him, but nothing changed, meaning he still drinks 24/7. This is how i know i made the right decision, because that stress is out of my life. What I learned from this is to accept certain things in life, to love from a distance, to take care of yourself first, to let people follow their own path in life even if it is a horrible one, you cannot control what someone else does. Best to safe yourself especially if they don't think they need saving.

[soul.light.intuitive]

Setting boundaries is honouring yourself and others through unconditional love. Happiness is an inside job! You only have dominion over yourself.

[susiekrabacher]

Thank you. I have had my sister and best friend both taken by ambulance because of alcohol overdose so many times in six months. So so hurt

[DireTribble]

This is exactly what I needed to hear right now.

[jeraleeseaburn]

I wish I would have come across this sooner! My relationship is on the brink of ending as I could no longer take the blame and anger from my alcoholic and I emotionally reacted by telling him to get out of my life.

[cisco]

Im a meth addict, i been smoking it for a year and a half and i been in a relationship whit this girl that i love so much she means the world to me and i know she loves me back for about 7 months, we love each other and i know shes the girl of my dreams so last month yep, i did it, i got on my knee holding a ring on my hand ask her to marry me and she said yes, she was the happiest girl ever i could see it in her eyes in her smile she couldn't stop talking about it whit her friends, co-workers etc... anyways she does know about my problem since i met her i was the one that told her about it. I also told her that i was quitting already and not to ask me about it again which was a lie i love this girl so much that i know that ill make her suffer if she stays whit me and my problem that i have, ive even told her so many hurtful words to push her off so she can be loved like she deserves but she keeps holding on to me, but now after seen and hearing you i think im the one that has to leave and fix my problem so i don't bring her into this world of addiction and drugs and maybe when i fix it and if its not too late she'll be waiting for me or maybe moved on It hurts my heart so much and tears run down my eyes right now to even think about it but its the best for her so that's what ill do.
ILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER LOVE YOU NANCY P. 💔💗💔💗💔💗💔😔😔😭😭

[LoriStrussgenarts]

I wish I had known this page about 27 years ago. I will just be grateful to get it now and share it with my students. Counselor Carl, you have a gentle and warm teaching style that make you easy to connect with. Thank you for all you do.

[AmbersRealityTVRecaps]

Listening to this sobbing. My MIL is my Q and she left our home because of abusing drugs/alcohol in front on my children. My children are so upset and my husband is shattered. I’m sending this to him and hoping he can find peace with this. It’s the hardest thing we’ve ever done.

[ratherdarkly]

Thank you for helping me make a choice. I’ve been looking for a way without cutting out loving entirely, which would hurt me more. I think I can do this.

[wolfgang]

Thank you so much. I love an addict who pushes me away and says he isn’t worth the time and energy and that I’m in love with a fake version of him. Although I do love his personality and believe that he can overcome his addictions I must let go of my idealistic version of him and a future together and accept him for who he really is. I can’t force or change him into the man I want him to be. He has to be that man for himself. I’ll always love him but for now I must focus on myself and my healing. Thank you for the reminder and advice. I’ll always believe in my addict and be there for him when he needs me, but he must make that choice for himself.

[Sereneis]

This has been most helpful in helping me detach with love from my adored narcissistic little brother. Thank you with love.

[mauimarianne]

I came here looking for a reminder that I am not responsible for another’s life.
I am witnessing things in my small community that includes several practicing alcoholics.
Things that are frustrating me confusing me, and frankly enraging me.

I don’t want to feel like this, and I needed a solid reminder that I don’t have to. I can witness these things, choose to not react or respond, but choose to feel peace and joy any way.
I know this post has been here a while, I’m grateful for that as it is exactly the video I needed today.
Thank you ☺️

[ocjane]

I discovered this detachment method by myself after many years of pain. Self inflicted pain because he believes he doesn’t have a problem. I stopped the hysterics many years back and the pleading and rationalizing has got me nowhere. He resents me and sees me as a nag. Wish I would have had this education earlier and saved myself years of sorrow and making myself crazy. Its been 20 years of marriage and I hope to go to my first Alanon meeting next week. I have a choke hold on my rescuing tendencies. I am immobile (not serene tho) watching him set himself on fire again and again. Sealing my mouth shut so I don’t give more unsolicited advice. For now I am making a new life plan and will be listening to this video on repeat. Thank you!

[leighburville]

My son hasn't had a drink or drug in 2 years. He is now a miserable, mean, crazy dry drunk. It's his disease ruling him. It's not him. I must change me and pray for him.

Thanks for this well thought out video!