I thought I was going to be Single for the rest of my Life, then this Happened!

This is a story of how just when I gave up on the idea of marriage and finding the love of life, something happened instantly by changing my thoughts.

I lesson for myself on how to love and accept myself more is when I started to attract my wife.

Hope you will enjoy this story... 🙂❤️

#relationship #love #selflove #story

[DonnyLulu]

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[AaronMetallion]

I don't believe people can be truly complete / happy in isolation -- without deep friendships, family, or a romantic partner. I've spent my whole life in solitude. I'm a huge introvert, and a creative, artist, I work from home, I have too many hobbies to name, I go for concerts & movies alone, solo food dates, or go exploring etc. I enjoy every bit of it, and feel "contentment" with the simple things, but not sustained happiness. I've enriched my life, but it only suppresses the loneliness, that typically creeps in at nights. Sometimes, my hobbies may even add to the loneliness. Because I've developed so much "potential" to share myself, my creativity, and inner wealth with someone... but it remains trapped within me. The value it brings me has already hit it's ceiling. If I make an amazing meal, I don't get to nurture someone, or hear how they loved and savored the meal; if i see a beautiful sunset -- I can't admire it with someone -- a witness to something breathtaking I just witnessed; if I watch a cool anime -- I can't discuss theories or compare notes. I process things in isolation and silence. 90% of my life (at this point) I will take with me to the grave, as most of me has not truly been seen, shared, or experienced by anyone else. I think there's a longing as a mortal transient bring to feel acknowledged or validated by someone more than myself. To care for someone more than myself. To enrich more than my own life. All these hobbies do not compensate / replace the experience of a companionship. Like you, I've made peace with the possibility of being alone forever. I'm also not desperate enough to just invite anyone into my space, but someone who's company I adore and who adds to my peace. But as I get older, the probabilities and possibilities are waning.

We're social beings. But we spend a whole decade getting degrees, focused & fixated on careers, and escaping our natural inclination to bond or meet our social / biological / emotional needs. I don't think it's natural or healthy to be a paragon of solitude (even though I am one myself). My family is abroad, my close friendships involve meetups every 1-2 months. Most friends are busy and we have to plan & schedule things. Male friendships also don't get too deep and vulnerable. I don't experience "interdependence" with anyone, but I yearn for it. I don't want a relationship where both people are 'strong & hyper independent', but to be vulnerable enough to say, "I have needs, and I love that you meet them", or "you have needs, and it brings me happiness to meet them"... Allowing someone to do things for you, even if you can do it yourself.

I think people who say they're complete (in general), are slightly deluded or a facet of them is suppressed, repressed, unconscious, or unacknowledged... Such as an undiagnosed "Avoidant Attachment" (abandonment wound) from having to be self-reliant & hyper-independent as a child. I think most self identified 'totally complete' people are either unaware, or efficiently distracted. For instance, I can binge long form videos like this, so I don't have to acknowledged that my nights peaceful, but devoid of warmth. In summary, I can absolutely live alone, and enrich my life enough to feel content with a solitary existence, but a part of me will stay incomplete. I imagine every mammal in the last 225 million years would feel the same without a companion, a friend, or a lover. It's enmeshed in the fabric of our reward systems, and our social-animal nature.

[mysteriousme]

That's my problem. I love my company so much and value my boring life, I feel like it's almost a threat to be in a romantic relationship. I'm trying to work on it. I just greatly value time, peace, and life.

[northshorelight]

Dating without purpose or intention but because you’re attracted to each other only results in disappointment. You have to look at finding a spouse the way you look for a job. With purpose. You wouldn’t apply to places that aren’t hiring.

[chappiescollectables]

Seems like the magic happens when you let go. So true

[al-haquesheesh]

HEARING ALL THIS AS AN ASIAN I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE.THANK YOU FOR ADDRESSING THE PROBLEM ALONG WITH THE SOLUTION.❤

[.Destin]

I'm a complete man. If they don't contribute to the peace and stability I've built, they can stay out of my life.

[jetd]

Believe me, when your in a Filipino house hold like I was and growing in a big family environment full of people and relatives coming by all the time plus friends there was never a dull moment. So growing up and going to college and starting my own family made me realize that family comes first above all things in life.

[internetangel-tp]

This video was great. Most people search for a partner to complete themselves, to fill the parts of them that are lacking. This makes sense because if you think about it in terms of business partners, one could be an amazing creator but bad at finances and vice versa. In this analogy, you should be competent in your field of work for the partnership to work but you don't have to be able to do everything. In interpersonal relationships, I think one has to strive to be the best version of themselves. But in the end, whether you are with someone or by yourself, all of it is a learning process.

[haha-noop]

I hear you I was going to give up too at age 36 now I am finally flying to Laos my homeland and finally meeting a girl I really like after 2 months talking. Wish me luck. Hopefully I'm not getting catfish or setup.

[ShyMplsMale]

You are very similar to me Donny. Happy you found a wife. I hope you two live happily ever after.

[myra]

I feel you on the Asian parenting. Very tough love my mom was very mean and I’m sure that has something to do with my dating life.

[chukitung]

2 years ago I mwt this wonderful girl. Complete package, pretty, smart, amazing personality. I liked her so much but she didnt like me. After she rejected me also thought that im gonna be single for the rest of my life. I then met this girl, she was really in to me and i dont know why. I didnt like her at first because she had a kid but i eventually grew in love with her. It was the happiest months of my life. Then I found out from her mom that she still goes out with her ex. Now im single again and im growing closer and closer to giving up on the thought that there is someone out there for me

[LaytonObserves]

Appreciate you sharing. Very uplifting and astute message.

[Travelwithtanaree]

Thank you for sharing your story. SO happy for you and your wife!

[io]

nice video man, changing my thought process and learning to be more happy by myself is something I am still working. I also believe this mindset will help me attract that ideal someone for me. if you have that needy attachment to try and find someone it just doesn't work in finding that ideal person for you. Also, going about your normal day to day doing things you enjoy, you are more likely to organically meet someone that aligns with you more

[eva-mariacoughlin]

What a good way of learning and thinking! You are so right. Most Asian people I have friendships with, really can’t do things alone. I have invited one and got the surprise of three! And that’s not once but many times. This is in social not romantic occasions. Thank you for sharing this.

[iCeleste]

I loved hearing your thoughts. The human experience is fascinating and beautiful. I would love to hear more about growing up in an Asian household and how it has affected you today.

I also liked hearing the insight about projecting your desires (like wanting her to soothe you when you’re upset) on your partner. There’s a show on called Couples Therapy that taught me a lot about that. Our relationships and what we expect out of them tell us a lot about ourselves.

You seem like a very reflective, introspective person. What a superpower.

[TyeDye]

When I heard "love yourself, " I instantly got frustrated, and then, without overthinking it, I had to realize you were right. Too many of us look for others to complete us when, in reality, it is our responsibility to complete ourselves, and that's the key to true happiness.

[hangingwiththegrlz]

So happy for you! Soon I will meet the love of my life too. I am ready to love again.