A Reframing of Masculinity, Rooted in Empathy | Gary Barker | TED

Urging us to turn away from voices perpetuating harmful stereotypes, gender equality advocate Gary Barker shares three insights on fostering a culture of care, compassion and connection among men. "We are the most wired-to-care species on the planet," he says. "But if you don't use it ... you don't get good at it."

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[evilpanky]

Society today doesn't put a spotlight on good male role models, and so boys and young men don't know what it is to be a good man. Taking responsibility, being strong for others, cooperating (moreso than competing, although competition is important), nurturing and protecting - these things make for strong and healthy men, and should absolutely be something we collectively define as masculine.

[sebastiankearney]

This feels like some things I've heard about how "No man has had a healthy male role model, so they dont know how to be healthy male role models."
For anyone interested in diving deeper on this, I'd recommend the book 'King, Warrior, Magician, Lover'. It talks a lot about male archetypes across cultures.

[Darren-Winter]

We need to be Gentleman again, we can be masculine without toxicity.

[PamelaJabbar]

What a nuanced and important conversation. The vehicle of care is such a vital element of the conversation masculinities that have been absent. Thank you for a thoroughly thoughtful presentation. It's inspiring to really consider doing my pod doc around masculinities.

[SuperDuperSigmaMale]

I'm a good young man, I desire to be a good man.

[Patralgan]

I am a male, but I do not particularly identify with masculinity as it is known. In a prefect world everyone would be kind to each other and cruelty wouldn't be a thing and I try my best to live up to that ideal. I know it sounds naive and perhaps I am. If it gets me killed, I'm fine with that. I don't want to be a part of a world where cruelty wins.

[curiousworld]

Thank you, for making the basic point, that how men behave can't merely be defined by their gender, as that is too lazy a generalization, but is far more influenced and defined by society. I've worked with victims of violent crime, and I, too, found the vast majority of violence was committed by men, and my observations were very similar to your own. The expectations and models of masculinity in our society, and others, has had some seriously unfortunate consequences. (Of course, women are not immune from violent behavior, but as you state; it's men that bear society's expected emphasis on 'power and strength', which becomes perverted.) Thank you for making this a public point.

[nickmay]

Interesting that all the claps and woos and positive responses come from the acknowledgment of the way men treat women. Almost no response to the ways we should better treat men. That right there combined with the ability to replace men is part of the reason for the callous behavior and attitude.

[chocomalk]

Urging us to turn away from voices perpetuating harmful stereotypes he takes the current stereotype that masculinity is toxic by default.
Protip women are only empathetic with their young.

[serendipitytwo]

Thank you for your work and also acknowledgement of women's unfinished equality too. All of this is FOR all of us.

[hatemkamel]

Compassion for the needy and Ruthlessness for the evil. All depends on WHO you deal with, not who you are

[DerXavia]

Interesting, I actually clicked on this to learn how to improve myself. Luckily my upbringing already taught me all these things right. I wonder why it was so different compared to others though. My upbringing wasn't dramatically different than other boys. What are the factors? Education, financial background or father role?

[oceandizzle]

Also, take a look at the book The Body Keeps The Score

[Sincebrassnorstone]

If this video resonated with you, i recommend the work of Niobe Way.
She has a great tedmed talk on this platform and i first heard an interview of her on Stay tuned with Preet called The Crisis of Loneliness 🎉❤

[goodkill]

This is a terrible talk, why is it only about the masculinity in men? What about the toxic masculinity in women?

[hvglaser]

He’s talking important points, but he’s adding to the problem generalizing these tendencies to all men, instead of specifying a group, albeit a majority group, that needs help. Otherwise you risk associating personal growth with parting with your manhood.

[jonodrummerboy]

THE ONLY AUDIENCE RESPONSE was when he spoke briefly about women’s issues. I was disappointed by this talk, when I clicked the thumbnail I was genuinely hoping for a constructive conversation about the issues that surround men’s emotional development and men’s mental health, instead I get 11 minutes of what men have done wrong and 2 minutes that can be condensed to “we should care a bit more” those 2 minutes where met with silence. It really reflects what I’ve been saying for some time, men’s issue are irrelevant to most women, our mental health is an inconvenience and when it comes to male aggression the conversation is still completely focused on the action and not the cause. Only when we address why SOME men are so angry, and why men SOME men are aggressive will we begin to understand how to resolve what is by far the biggest problem facing gender equality today.

[MarsCamacho]

Anybody have any resources, videos for parents of boys and how to help them navigate this?

[TwoBlackRings]

Excellent talk. I think it is worth noting that harm comes in a variety of flavors irrespective of gender. Some are more direct and overt. Others creep insidiously. However, as long as the narrative continues to be that a man is to blame for all of the ills of the world based solely on his gender, problems will not be addressed from all perspectives. This comment is not meant to imply that the speaker was blaming men.

[BrutusMaximusAurelius]

He just said we bring some boys up badly (rightfully so), later talks about boys struggling and being lost. Which is a huge problem. What is the reaction from mostly the female audience? Laughter. And that’s because most DGAF about men that are struggling. They say they want men to be more vulnerable, but they’re often met with laughter. “Suck it up”. For some there seems to be a war of the sexes going on where one just has to come out on top, instead of trying to live in harmony. So tiresome.