If You Want To Have An AMAZING FIRST DATE, Watch This! | Evy Poumpouras

[amegninounsougan]

Every time I listen to Evy, I learn something new.❤

[eps]

At 5:06 Lewis asks what would be three great questions (non creepy or interrogative) to ask on a first date? Evy quickly said the acronym TED. Tell - Explain - Describe. After executing the TED approach, she basically did The FORD acronym. The actual topics to stick to. So Eva was like "Tell me about yourself...., Explain to me what your dreams, Describe to me what your....hopes and dreams are etc. But I hate receiving a lazy "Tell me about yourself" question. My response in my head is... "In general from the totality of my current incarnation? Really? I'm tired, you want me to blab? I ate a bug when I was 5, DONE. Be specific, what do you want to know?"
FORD is a general guidline to stick to the topics of Family. Occupation. Recreation. Dreams. So I guess use Mr. TED FORD. Lol

Secondly, I really think her advice in a different, more recent interview with Lewis is incredibly valuable for dating. Titled: Behaviors of a Narcissist. Secret Service Agent: REMOVE PEOPLE From Your Life if They Have THESE RED FLAGS! Evy Poumpouras. At 9:05 in, she states THE TWO Motivational Mindsets that you will encounter. It's called Sense Making. You will be coming from one of these mindsets yourself and dealing with your date who is operating from one of those modes. It is KEY to understand if the person you are dealing with is truly in what she was trained to BE, and to spot in others. Her secret service training told them to Be in "Instrumental Mode" versus "Identity Mode".

Identity mode is Me, Me, Me. They say "I" a lot. Identity, self centered, emotional and ego-centric. Looking at the world as to how it and everything affects themselves. Not productive. They hear any Criticism or questioning them as that they are being judged or ARE bad versus simply taking critisim as simply something to fairly, objectively consider in itself versus taking everything personally. Identity Mode people are not looking for solutions or moving forward. They just want to talk about themselves, get comfort, talk about their problems etc. Often if pathological, their talking AT YOU, and not WITH YOU is them literally acting out a Performance from one of the three Roles of The Karpman Drama Triangle. (I'm amazing, I'm the victim, I'm in control period) The minute that things actually get hard, they're out. They are in a stuck state. Looping through the same b.s.
Instrumental Mode is We. Mission or goal focused. The "I Am... part of/believe in, something bigger and greater than just myself"
It's not all about ( Me Me Me ) They think of the team. They consider others. And with solid personal boundaries.
They don't instantly take feedback personally. They can pause and consider. Etc. They are in a Growth/Progress state. Incrementally working forward.

Evy gave a great example of each of these types during job interviews that they had with her. She uses the example question "So why do you want this job?" And gives the most common general answers that Identity Mode folks give, versus what Instrumental Mode folks give and they are very different.
This interview question applies to dating! "Why are you here, what do you want?" It's worth a watch!

[Harry-og]

Emotional intelligence is SO important ❤

[BM]

So valid. So many ppl r hurt and haven’t healed, so they go into dating unconsciously unaware that they might wind up hurting someone who HASN’T done anything to them because they’re still broken.

[cbcztyp]

Dating sounds like a war zone in our time. You must get ready to the ennemy's strike

[SharonElizabethWhitfield]

If you want to have a lifelong relationship with someone, the best thing to do is be yourself. Don’t change who you are in order to please the other person. It will only backfire in the end.

[fatmanslim]

its actually amazing her thought process....i would be scared to ever have a conversation with would read you like a book and be bored out of her mind lol.

[truerthanyouknow]

I love how she handled herself in this interview. She broadened my perspective on my internal monitor. It’s fine. It’s normal. I’m fine. I don’t need to feel so anxious about how people perceive me.

[MelissaSzarka-cpcv]

Conditional trust is hard work & it saves you from making mistakes.

[DJ-svxf]

Conditional trust. I'd put it this way: Men are much more comfortable with lying to get someone in bed. If anybody doesn't immediately answer with "yes", it's a "no" especially about things that matter.
Everyone puts their best foot forward on the first date - it's all downhill from there (but that's how you learn who they are). Some people can hide who they are for up to a year. If your date is mean to anyone eventually they will treat you the same way. You are seeing the facade slip for a few seconds. Don't ignore it.
As for fun, keep it light and safe and playful and positive. No interrogations or bitching. If he doesn't care whether you feel safe or crosses a boundary, he's not "the one". Men will usually tell you who they are on the first date. Believe them.

[zestrus]

I can barely trust MYSELF! I didn't go to the gym when I promised myself I would. I didn't leave my ex when he was being abusive. If we can't even trust ourselves then why would we trust others? That's too big of an expectation. Humans are too flawed to trust them 100%. First focus on trusting yourself.

[caroldixon]

Evy is amazing and I could listen to her all day. I'm going to buy her book

[jennaprovenzale]

Oh my gosh! When she said someone is lying about their day when it's like a story? It reminded me of that Legally Blonde scene where the woman described her day and said she got up, got a latte, went to the gym, got a perm, and came home to take a shower. She was telling story and she was lying.

[mamabear]

Trust people to do what they want. Sometimes being good to you is part of their program, other times it doesn’t align.

[FolkOutThere]

I have a mind kind of like Evys, but her approach, confidence & self-belief Ive not had or had the opportunity to sharpen enough. So I navigate the world not being able to connect well, because forthrighted without discernment has brought actually a lot of chaos into my life. People dont value these things Evy is talking about. In reality, I find people so distracted its automatically off-putting.

Wonder how she does it... shes so amazing. I wish she was my counselor.

[Christina-yugu]

Always informative ! Social communication has changed after 2020. We need more of this to get back to loving each other more. 🙏🏻💙

[crisa]

Lies are not hard for narcissistic people

[Flora-xg]

Like that concept of conditional trust. Having a name for it helps to implement it.

[JJ-dxxx]

Another great interview, Lewis!! 🤩 BUT.. I wish you would have the person's name up there the whole time because a lot of the time, I don't know who you're talking with! 😬

[Riowestie]

You have to ask first if they're Democrat or Republican. 🤭