Willingness- The Surprising Antidote to Anxiety - Anxiety Course 5/30

In the last video we learned that avoidance doesn’t work, trying to force our feelings to change doesn’t work. But neither does giving in to them, just letting anxiety run the show or make your decisions. So what the heck do we do with Anxiety? The fundamental antidote to problematic anxiety is willingness, learning how to feel anxiety, make space for it, listen to it, but not be bothered or controlled by it. Willingness is learning how to drop the struggle with your feelings, so that you can free your hands, your life, to do what you really care about.

Willingness is the most powerful tool for managing anxiety, because when you have willingness, anxiety can’t control you any more. So in this video you’ll learn what willingness is, how to develop it, and you’ll get to practice it to see what it feels like.
What is willingness?
OK, I’m going to tell you a few things about willingness, then we’re going to jump in and try.
Present Moment- We’re going to direct our attention to the here and now
Exploring- Letting go of judgment about emotions and describing them instead- Beginner’s mind, fresh experience. (tongue example)
Allowing- Dropping the struggle with emotions, it’s accepting that they exist. It’s not liking, wanting or enjoying feeling something- it’s just acknowledging the reality- that I am feeling this, and allowing that feeling to be there.
Curiosity- Being curious about them instead of resisting them
Expand- Replacing aversion with openness- leaning in, making space. Being flexible and open instead of rigid and trying to control something you can’t control.

Why would I do that? Because resisting feeling is what’s messing up your life. Trying to not feel anxious forces you into avoiding the things you care about, hardening your heart, cutting off possibilities.

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

[rijd]

I learned that anxiety wants me to fight against it. Fighting empowers it. Last year I did a few things to let go of that struggle:
1) Eliminated strong caffeine (coffee was causing my body to go into fight mode; caffeine was like fuel for my anxiety)
2) Mindfulness meditation (the book "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels was a great start for me)
3.) Journaling my emotions (old school paper and pen writing for 5 minutes...just spilling my thoughts on paper, then tossing it)
4.) Setting boundaries (I did not have good boundaries, never knew how to set them with people. Saying "no" is so important.)

[bridiewright]

Having a terrible time after losing mum, it's my dad's birthday in heaven today too, not helping, thankyou for your uploads ❤

[mb]

My husband of 26 years passed away July 31st. Anxiety has heightened, having trouble in society, driving, have no friends, and I am 67. I realize I must learn to be me again, but right now I can't remember who that is. I have to drive, go out in public, go to the doctor, etc but really having a hard time. I also realize how inept I have become socially. God has caused me to make some good strides, but I need to move ahead faster. This feels . . . Awful, alone, brutal, lost.

[maddiesta]

You're the best emma. You've saved me from ending up at the hospital many times.

[earthzeroapothecary]

Changing my diet helped my anxiety more than meds ever did. I stopped eating sugar and carbs, cut out coffee, and started taking adaptogenic herbs. It was like a switch went off and it's changed my whole life. When I started feeding my body what it actually needs, my cells weren't as responsive to stressful environments and situations.

[foxc]

I don’t have a lot of money so these videos are a large part of what is saving me thank you

[galin]

Hi! Maybe my story will help someone. When I tried a physical exercise from this video, I started to cry. I realised that my feelings of anxiety, stress and discomfort are strongly associated with a feeling of humiliation. At first I couldn’t understand why, but then I got an idea. I was bullied at school. A great humiliation and sometimes violence for many years were always in a company with stress and anxiety, so maybe I remembered them as an individed group.

Then I had a thought, that I'd never overcome discomfort to get joy. Survival — yes, joy — no. So if I feel that the situation is not about survival, I just want to get rid of nasty feelings as soon as possible. What for? It turns out to be a paradox: if I don't need to survive, I stop doing anything — and my anxiety gets stronger than ever.

But… “NEVER overcame discomfort to get joy”? Never? Really? I tried to remember situations when I overcame my anxiety to pursue my goals and when it ended up with joy and happiness. At first it seemed impossible. But then one by one I started to remember more and more situations like that. In the end I felt really proud of myself. And now I feel different about overcoming nasty feelings, I don’t feel such a strong resistance anymore.

Now I think that I need to focus more on situations, when I feel anxiety at first, then do something anyway — and feel joy (not just survive). I hope it will help me to associate anxiety with joy, not humiliation.

Thank you, Emma, for these videos! Thank you a lot from all my heart!

[Nightwalker-mu]

Emma, i think your one of the top therapists hands down.

[igyhzyk]

I will share something funny that happened to me while listening to this video, especially the part with the exploring the roof of my mouth. So I try to get into the present moment and just explore the palate with my tongue, and simultaneously I hear my mom screaming in the backyard to our dog like 7-8 times "Jerry, no, Jerry nooo " every single time more furious and louder. And after 10 years of therapy, I realized that my mom was the core reason for my uncontrollable anxiety symptoms nowadays. And after tons of pills taken, jumping from one diagnosys to another in the last one year, 20 years of my life gone through fears, anxiety, avoidance and you name it... feeling that I have lost every last ray of hope, I am watching Emma's videos like a drowning man clutching at a straw, and I am executing this simple exercise moving my tongue at the palate, and I hear my mom screaming at our dog at the top of her lungs " Nooo, nooo.." and somehow I kind of laughed at the whole situation. Thank goodness, Jerry isn't expected to live 50+ years, but I'm sure he is in a lot of pain, too. Thanks Emma, you are amazing !

[FriskyTendervittles]

Parts work/internal family systems and EMDR has been a game changer for me. Instead of hating those protectors I love them and thank them and it’s much easier to come out of a loop

[alexandrabogner]

I'm in autistic burnout after over 30 years of being undiagnosed. My ADHD means I have constant noise in my head. I have GAD, RSD and lately I'm not only in constant fight/flight mode as usual but my anxiety is in constant hyperdrive, it's gotten so far that I can't sleep or eat properly. I stumbled over your videos and they're the only thing that can give me a bit of relief even just for a few minutes. I don't have a very big budget but I'm definitely gonna try the full course eventually. What makes it extra challenging is that as a neurodivergent person I have huge difficulties with body signals/feelings. Very often I don't notice that I'm not actually angry but hungry, or I'm not actually afraid, I'm tired. Thank you for posting these videos!!!!

[gember]

My mind keeps saying: "I know I have to accept and feel these feelings, but I DONT WANT THEM!!!" Sigh.

[daryn]

Two weeks ago I had my first Anxiety attack and went to the hospital ….only to be let go and go to my Primary Doctor for some medication for my issue.

I started walking and tonight I had another attack while walking and called the EMT just to say my heart is racing I need to learn breathing techniques before I pass out.

Been feeling like I’m gonna have a heart attack . I’m starting this breathing and also your video on how to control your thoughts.

Thank you for offering free advice, it’s already calmed me so much!!

[ThoughtsAreReal]

Despite hearing about their poor privacy practices, I tried Better Help and I was not impressed. I won't be going back unless they radically change their processes and management style to be (in my opinion) patient-focused rather than profit-focused.

[PhoenixASMR]

The painting was interesting I love looking at things in a different way like art. The wall sit reminded me of childbirth exercises I took to learn to handle the pain of contractions. I like the deeper mental aspect.

[jolapola]

Thank you so much Emma for making this course on anxiety for us. I struggle with anxiety and avoidance after a severe trauma I experienced.I dont get support from my family and friends as they dont seem to understand how Im feeling and my daily struggle. Your videos help me a lot, when I listen to you I dont feel lonely with my anxiety.Thank you profoundly for all that you do.God bless.❤

[petebergren]

Hi Emma,

Thanks so much for this video! For many years, I have been stuck in not wanting to enter into social situations because I haven't wanted to feel awkward, anxious, or worry about what people might think of me. I am 39 now and am starting to realize that I can be assertive and I can learn to move towards that anxiety. I have a friend now who lives in the same condos who is much older than I am and I have talked to more people lately. It's a journey, but I am not going to quit! Thank you!

[cosmickev]

Saving me one video at a time. Just when I think I’m winning the fight anxiety comes back and shows me to not stop training. Ty may GOD bless u and your loved ones also.

[dep]

Need this video a lot... I find difficulty in being at public events at school because I feel fear everytime I am near certain people and scared when I am surrounded by their fellow batchmates. Sometimes, I find it unexpected when I get an attack. I avoid it by listening to my thought and lied down. Gone for a few hours until the afternoon. Will watch the other videos and wait for the other 20+ later on!

[nadezhdavasileva]

Thank you, Emma! Your content has been life-changing and extremely inspiring.