Carson Can’t Keep Up with Rodney Dangerfield’s Non-Stop One-Liners (1974)

Rodney Dangerfield delivered so many jokes that night, Carson had to break for commercials. Originally aired September 2, 1974 on the Tonight Show.

02:01 “When I was a kid, my old man didn't help me either. I asked my old man if I can go ice skating on the lake, he told me to wait 'till it gets warmer.”
07:27 “My wife's a cold person. Her side of the waterbed is frozen.”
09:07 “Doctors say when a man makes love to a woman, he burns up energy, he loses 150 calories. I made love to a girl once and lost even more. I lost 150 calories, my watch and my wallet.”

[jsat]

Dangerfield joke: When I was in high school, I didn't have a girl friend, so I went to drive in movies alone and did push ups in the back seat to keep up appearances.

[tspiano]

“Growin’ up, my family was so poor, if I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothin’ to play with.”

[mikldude]

Just the best comedian, if you are depressed you listen to Rodney and you cant get the smile off your face .

[gretchenlittle]

"When I was born the doctor smacked me -- I found out the nurse got a couple in too" -- don't know how many times I've seen this, but it still cracks me up. In high school I'd stay up to watch Johnny after my parents went to bed -- such a treat when Rodney was on. Thanks for the good times, Mr. Dangerfield!

[dncarac]

My favorite Dangerfield joke: "Doc, every morning, I get up, look in the mirror and throw up. What's wrong with me?"
"I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

[shawnboggs]

Fav Rodney joke ever, “I tell ya, my sister-n-law is fat. Even her picture falls off the wall”

[PlaceStillMatters]

Rodney’s sit down delivery is just as good as his stand up.

[onelifeoneshot]

Rodney is a gem, the world will never see another quite like him.

[mendisegal]

My favorite Rodney Dangerfield joke: "My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend."

[tommyapples]

"My wife's such a bad cook, i mean, how can toast have bones?" Lol.
He's the best!

[clubmogambo]

Greatest one liner comedian that ever lived.

[Richard]

he has the perfect voice for one-liners, most people cant deliver them but his voice just makes them absolutely perfect

[frank]

The guy was nearly 50 when he finally made it. Never lose hope. You never know where life will bring you.

[Weasel]

I love how he does a three minute set, goes to the desk, and does a another nine minutes. He's so funny that it's easy to not even realize that in an hour show he does hundreds of jokes. Amazing.

[carlb]

When Rodney Dangerfield tells oneliners he destroyes everybody in the house . I also watch his movies over and over, so much talent .

[DylansPen]

"I told my doctor I had suicidal tendencies, he said I have to start paying in advance." Dangerfield is like a downpour of jokes, one after the other and the next one is funnier than the one before. This guy knew comedy.

[drunkendevil]

These jokes still land in 2020. Dangerfield was a genius.

[fosbury]

34 jokes in 11:44. 20.7 seconds per joke (includes intro, laughs, panel conversation).

And 45 tie/collar adjustments.

[nkbrwrm]

RODNEY DANGERFIELD was the king of the one liners there's was no one who did one liners better R.I.P RODNEY

[Renegade_]

I saw him in concert back then and someone threw a joint on stage. He picked it up and said “I’ve been smoking it for years! “ And took a couple of hits ! He was one in a million!