Hatebombing: Malignant Narcissist’s Inverted Shared Fantasy (Odd Couples Series)

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Locus of grandiosity of malignant (psychopathic) and sadistic narcissists is their invulnerability, unemotionality, flat attachment, rigidity, and heartless cruelty (disguised as altruism, if prosocial).

They are transactional:

To the narcissist, all people are useful tools (in both senses of the word) or collateral damage. The impact the narcissist is having on people’s lives, for better or for worse, is a mere by-product or a side effect of his/her pursuit of grandiosity-affirming narcissistic, sadistic, or self-supply.

Do you care about me? Narcissist: I do. You are useful to me. But, don’t you have emotions for me? N: I don’t do emotions. I do relationship maintenance. I do business: give and take. So, why stay in touch? N: I owe you. I repay my debts. Plus, you could still be useful.

Their shared fantasy is inverted; they start with hatebombing, devaluation and discard (the whole point of the fantasy), mixed with negative idealization (mythological demonization). So, their fantasies are extremely short, nasty, and brutal.

In rare cases, when the potential partner is also a malignant or sadistic narcissist, they become codependent or borderline, though still manifesting dysregulated abuse and coercive behaviors.

In such inverted shared fantasies, they transition to the role of a victim, letting the counterparty initiate the separation by betraying them (betrayal fantasy).

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"I've enjoyed my voice...and your silence." Hahaha, Dr. Vaknin you're hilarious 💚

idiliusmidilius
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I have to tell you that I learned a lot from you and began to feel peace with my relationship coming to an end with a narcisist.

AlleB-bj
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Great... ! Make those transcripts your copyright. No one seems to give this man the credit he deserves. Everyone just steals his content .... Professor is definitely brilliant. My go to to understanding narcissism. ❤

LexiimaWriter
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I chose to keep these individuals at a distance. This seemed to enrage them. Cue the harrassment and stalking. I was horrified.😊

bcfrAPBc
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psychopathic narcissists are honest from start😂

govandahmed
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If a narcissist's goal are to dicard their partners, why do they still keep long-term relationships like marriages that last decades?

djza
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Thank you for making your transcripts available!

Suskinwalton
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Hate bombing was the method used by co-students in junior high and high school on me. This is why I did not know of love bombing untill adulthood.

jimgillert
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Fascinating and I really do believe that I have witnessed this

Kookia
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Thanks for bringing this up. After going through so much research, id felt robbed of the whole lovebombing introduction i kept hearing about so much.

VonKleist
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Thank you Sam . Ive been questioning how i ended up in a relationship even though i was put down in the beginning that escalated to horrible violence . Ive been trying to figure thi out for years . Finally i saw this video and thing made sense . Thank you so much for explain what and why it happened .

faunaflora-tweo
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yes plenty of hatebombing from the malignant female narcissist

johntracey
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again eye opening! finally explains the not existing lovebombing fase and direct separation from first moments, which has the effect that you want to get what you can not have.

christianzelinka
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My narcissist said to me: " I made you weak. Your weakness is pitiful. This is only the beginning of how much pain I can inflict on you."

djza
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After ending my relationship with a covert narc of 4 yrs, I've done alot of study on narcissism, manipulation and all the red flags to look out for while dating. Its been a year since i broke up, and i recently when on date with a guy n i was very confused about the way he treated me. Through the date he was constantly belittling, calling me names and bragging about himself. I never went on date with him again, but i was very confused about his behaviour and this video just made all my doubts clear. Thank You Professor.

sumedhay
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Omg! That happened to me! 8 years later I’m out of it.

Heydear
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Wow! Thank you Prof. Vaknin. You've explained here the psychological workings of the novel Gone Girl. You also thoroughly explained the mindset of a former housemate who, thankfully, I haven't seen in years. Bravo to you for yet another brilliant video lecture!

LauraAllen-nmws
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Hahaha omg this is what I used to hear from him, "if I ever need or depend on someone, that day I kill myself "

latikabenz
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So insightful! Going through my divorce I bought 3 racing bikes! This isn't psychoanalysis, it's prophecy!

johnhanaly
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His hoovering looked like hatebombing. Is it possible?

suzanavukolic