What is the ‘self’? The 3 layers of your identity. | Sam Harris, Mark Epstein & more | Big Think

What is the ‘self’? The 3 layers of your identity.
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0:00 Gish Jen: The self in culture
3:22 Michael Puett & Mark Epstein: The self in Eastern philosophy
8:35 Sam Harris: The self in neuroscience

Who am I? It's a question that humans have grappled with since the dawn of time, and most of us are no closer to an answer.

Trying to pin down what makes you YOU depends on which school of thought you prescribe to. Some argue that the self is an illusion, while others believe that finding one's "true self" is about sincerity and authenticity.

In this video, author Gish Jen, Harvard professor Michael Puett, psychotherapist Mark Epstein, and neuroscientist Sam Harris discuss three layers of the self, looking through the lens of culture, philosophy, and neuroscience.

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TRANSCRIPT:

GISH JEN: In the West, we feel that we must differentiate ourselves from others, endlessly. We have a model of self where the self is kind of like an avocado. We have a pit inside of us. The pit is our self, our essence, our identity. It is the thing to which we must above all be true. And of course, very importantly, we see that pit as unique. So that everything we do we want to show, to reflect that pit, to reflect that self. And we want it to be unique. In Asia, people frequently have a flexi-self, so it's a different kind of self. It is a self that's oriented more to duty than to rights, for instance. And very importantly, it is not, it does not have a cultural mandate to be different and to be unique. So if you ask, are they individuals? Of course they're individuals. Are they different? Of course they are different. But of course, for them, it's like, well of course I'm different, why would I make a big deal of that, right?

The difference is, how much significance do we attach to that difference? In other words, do we think it's very important to differentiate ourselves from others? So one of the ways that we do that, of course, is through choice. Choice in the West is very, very important. Everyone is always making choices. And honestly, a lot of those choices make us a little anxious. If you do a study where you are just sitting in an empty room, and you're making a choice, and you come from a more individualistic culture, you actually show signs of a little anxiety. Every little choice that you make, even in private, because it's defining of who you are, is a little loaded. They feel like, they just choose. When they make those choices it doesn't have this overlay. And that's one of the reasons they feel that actually we are less free than they are. So they think that we are the ones who are kind of in this prison where, like I say, every moment we must define ourselves. Well, isn't that awful? And of course the way that we live, we feel that, we want to be freely electing to live the way that we live. And so even when we're doing things like taking care of the elderly, for example, we want to feel that it's an extension of our great love, and the nature of our being to be able to take care of the elderly. Well, the other day I was having dinner with somebody who said, I just don't feel that. And it's just very, very hard. So somebody from a more flexi-self, or interdependent culture, would say, it's just your duty. And so for them, it's like, they help their elderly parent. They just go take care of the elderly parent because that's their duty. For them, this is really liberating. You just go do it and you don't expect it to be an expression of yourself. It's just what people do. From their point of view, we have made things very, very hard for ourselves to demand that everything should be an expression of our inner nature.

MICHAEL PUETT: We often like to think that the way to become a good person is to look within, find one's true self, the sort of natural self that we have. And once you've found that self, that natural thing that you are, the goal is to be sincere and authentic to that true self. So if we stick to what we naturally are meant to be, the gifts that we're naturally endowed with, that's how we can be a sincere, authentic person. Now, a lot of our Chinese philosophers would say, that sounds good, but is on the contrary extremely restraining—and constraining—to what we could do. The fact is, if we're messy creatures, as many of them would say, what we perhaps are in our daily lives are simply people whose emotions are being pulled out all the time, by people we encounter, interactions...

[austinjrb]

I found that after about age 25, I've really been thirsting for Philosophy and a deeper understanding of the world. I love conversations like this.

[helloworldlalala]

I grew up in between eastern and western cultures. Granted having too much choices and overly focused of self in the “west” makes people anxious and self-indulgent. But people get anxious performing “duties” in the “east”, and people make “safe choices” hiding in social expectations secretly hate themselves too. This lady in the beginning makes it sound like everything would be better if you give up choice and just do what the culture demands you unthinkingly, while in fact, both extremes are toxic.

[Akta]

This is so interesting. I always thought that our sense of identity is one of the most important things we have because it affects feelings of self-worth and confidence which goes on to affect just about everything else, I never really thought about how the self could be an illusion.

[iart]

Modern life is full of isolation and lonliness. Not enough loving relationships where we feel noticed, acknowledged and known in depth by others.

[budo]

When a person says "finding one's true self" It sounds like a lost cause to me because that would mean going back to when you were a blank slate/canvas before any of the social and environmental influences imprinted themselves onto you. Nearly anything that you think you are is probably traceable to an experience you had (and/or a trait borrowed from your parents). I think it's probably better to recognize, manage and make use of those influences as we move through life.

[fwd]

"If there's an experiential internal qualitative dimension to any physical system, then that is consciousness." - Sam Harris

Never have I heard it put so simply and it just clicks. Brilliant, thanks for sharing, Sam.

[zuLess]

I always thought of the self as something other than the ego. The ego is the organising principle that makes sense in a narrative way of past and future, while the self is the present true sensory perception which I dont think you really can not experience without filtering it through the ego in at least some degree

[mahlina]

Finally!! An explanation that includes culture. Our selves can also be extended to our past, present, and future, both spiritually and physically. We all come and go. We all die a physical death, but our spiritual selves live on.

[virginiaandrade]

Very interesting. I guess the one upside to being undefined in identity like I have been with BPD, I haven't been restricted in choosing who I can become if I work on it and redefining who "me" is without the same rigidity that others have. The worst was dealing with the empty spot that was there and fear of making a leap to moving toward individuation away from codependence as the self. At 31 years, I've barely begun inching toward my start.

[mmc]

It's mind-blowing to know that the Hindus and Buddhists debated whether there is a self or not for centuries.
We use 'Self' and 'self' (with small s) to differentiate because the term takes on new meanings. Everyone understands intuitively what the self is but 'Self' is where you sort of arrive at when you understand the small 's' self or egoic self, meditate or self-enquire. Then you are really confronted with questions but they aren't scientific but can't be dismissed. Because as I say, it's where you arrive at.

[brucebruno]

Want to learn about your "self" and grow? Do what makes you uncomfortable and doesn't come naturally to you as long as there aren't any physical dangers involved or moral lines you are crossing. We are wired to survive not to thrive, so this has you pushing into the unknown like surviving. In doing this you will learn an immense amount about your "self", grow, and learn new skills in the process. The uncomfortable things are only uncomfortable at first right before you start and/or do them, but then it gets less uncomfortable as you learn nothing bad is happening to you. You learn to conquer the fear of the unknown within. An easy way to go about this is to prepare first before doing the uncomfortable thing, ie. Speaking in Public: first, you start small, like teaching a class of some sort. You prepare to teach the class and then teach the class. Then, after a while, you plan and prepare to give a speech or presentation to a larger group of people. Finally, you give that speech or presentation. Continue to do this more times. Throughout this process, you will learn a lot about public speaking through planning, studying, preparing, and experiences giving public speaking. In the end, you will have learned much about your "self", whatever uncomfortable thing you took on, and the lesson that it wasn't what your mind made it out to be. It was less uncomfortable than you thought! What makes you uncomfortable reveals a lot about you to yourself. You have to be willing to look exactly where you don't want to! There lie the treasures that are within; which is in and is the "self"! Your "Self"!

[manamurata]

If you liked this video, I highly highly recommend Michael Puett's introductory course on Chinese philosophy. It's free on edX and really easy to follow even if you're not a philosophy nut.

[HeathSawyerisHeheboy]

Love it! Learned some valuable insights into being more culturally responsive. The self is so interesting in a social or individual context. My thought for the moment is that freewill is proportional to the amount of world views we can willingly act on.

[janwoodward]

Sam Harris made a comment about many feeling as if they were a self being carries by a felt that. Maybe because I’m a musician and we know that sometimes the fingers take over and we are just part of the ride. I’ve finished a tune and looked around wondering how we got there.
Our hands and feet are so involved in ourselves they can’t be separated.

[bellakrinkle]

I think there is a core feeling of self that is consistently present, although it gets camouflaged by various moods. We can certainly get far away from the self that resides within us. Emotional problems will blot out this core self, however. Once the chaos is resolved, we find our true core, again. At least this is what I think and believe today. I wonder how I will feel tomorrow; hopefully the same. I can evaluate my sense of presence, daily by thinking of the Polyvagal Theory, using the three different levels. High. Mid. Low. It's an accurate tool that I happened onto.

[ryanlutz]

Can we appreciate for a moment the simplicity in which concepts that we are unable to even recognize about ourselves are being articulated?

[JCRobbinsGuitar]

Hey, that's a nice self vid . Concise, no music, strait up good stuff about the cosmic noodle. thanks
Our sense of 'self' is the context of humanity that has helped shape meaning to this experience called life.
its been there of a long time, a product of countless struggles and victories. i wonder if it has outlived its usefulness.

[bdi]

I like the model of identity of it being a localization of consciousness that has its nature and drives effected by personal desires, external phenomena/environment. That seems to hold true whether that consciousness is located in what this video over-generalizes as the east or west. East or west can apply to anything. You can be different if you grow up on the rich east side of town or the poor west side of town.

[bigbrutha.l]

Great distinctions of the self to kick off 2021❕💯

[ziziroberts]

Gish Jen.
Why isn't the woman who speaks first in the title of the video?