How Can I Honor My Parents If I Don’t Respect Them?

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Ask Pastor John
Episode: 1669
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I tried to respect and honor my parents but they were abusive. I now respect and honor them from afar and have no relationship whatsoever and I’m immensely healthier and happier. The Bible never said To stay stuck or in bondage to anyone besides your spouse. Let the dead bury their dead. It’s a mercy that I stay away. That is how I respect. Because if I stay then their condemnation is present and continuous. At least if I leave then I can prevent them from accumulating more debt

SpiritofProphecy
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This podcast is important to me because the criteria for people to be deemed "dishonorable" is so broad these days. One scroll of someone's social media posts and I'm tempted to write them off and see them as less valuable for their awful opinions. Proverbs 17:28 "Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent" and yet there are so many opportunities for people to express themselves and undo that. We must be different from the rest of the world and be radically gracious, outdoing one another in honor in the home, workplace, school or public space. Thank you APJ

wallboi
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Davids attitude towards Saul even when he tried to kill him. Daniels attitude towards the king even though he tossed him in the lions den. I’ve learned to commit my cause to God and not live near them but call them for the sake of their well being and willing to take care of their needs when necessary even though they are deceptive toxic narcissists.

BibleSamurai
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This was somewhat encouraging. The question has been on my heart of late. I have parents who are Catholic. I came to Christ in 2009. My father lies and talks behind everyone's back, including his wife and family. He teaches the bible to Catholics who have no idea what he's saying, but listen anyway. He hates truth and will respond in wrath. Despite a pandemic, he insists on coughing openly. But covers up for his favorite Catholic friends. It's a source of great frustration for me. He is a constant reminder that we are in the very last days. Despite the fatigue, we should all-- if we are truly in Christ-- love better than that.

Lazarusrizing
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I don’t know why YouTube deletes questions that are not offensive at all but real and thought-provoking. The Internet censorship is starting to really get horrible out here

MalkiYah_King
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Isn’t it funny how parents always seek to blame the child when they don’t ever think that they are the problem ?

lethumthiyane
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“Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mat 12) / '... Matthew 19 ...', otherwise known as the 10 Commandments.

sargondp
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Thank you for this topic. Praise God for this wisdom and how it will help others. It has helped me gain clarity and grace in my own struggle.

Alecjambois
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“Honor you father and mother, ” my ass.

Respect is earned, not given out for free like a toy in a happy meal.

DesGardius-megf
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This is so very good. Some practical advice on the honoring of abusive parents would be to find hope in Christ as a victim- the Bible says in the psalms that he will rescue YOU and honor YOU bc you know his name. Then I would see if it possible to speak the truth in love to them- a wise brother or sister in the Lord can help with this. Explain the problem and call them to repent! It is honoring to offer to others the opportunity to be perfected and with Jesus as he has extended toward us. Then you have to let the peices fall where they may- if there is no repentance it may be more honoring to cut relationship as that is the threat they face even more so with God and can help them question a little more their need for repentance. But you are free to choose persisting with the conversation too. If they repent you make be able to have a better relationship as you heal and Christ helps them work new patterns in their life. Oh, one more thing- whether you are prepared to speak the truth in love yet or not and whether they repent or not or you stay in contact or not pray for them!Thank you Pastor John! I am going to memorize these verses and teach them to my children!

katlynknowlden
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I have been reborn and want to be a God fearing man. I live in a broken household. My mother continually persecutes me even though she has tasted the grace and mercy and forgiveness of God long ago. I have great desire to make no compromises with my prayer life and that requires me to make a 10 minute drive to church, but my mother does not seem to like that. She regularly condemns me saying I have not helped with certain chores, but these are chores frequently handled by my sibling. I therefore have not been commanded and do not break the Lord's command, obey your parents

However, I may have stepped the line. As my mother has nagged about me not doing anything, I have told her that I am not disobeying her because she has not commanded me, and urged she command me so that I may be able to obey. I was frustrated at her groundless accusations and condemnations, but once she commanded me, I gave a sincere non-offensive joyous thank you. I truly do not want to dishonor my parents in any way, so I fear I may have stepped out of line. I am simply sick and tired of the persecution and condemnation that has no grounds. I do not know if I should have waited for God's timing for His convictions to come or if I was right in doing what I did. I know it's not my position to be telling my mother how to command me, but again, I want a mother who commands me and treats me justly. I do not know if I've done wrong

sojourner
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John Piper is immensely an influential teacher in todays age. I love how he makes christian doctrines very practical.

Tyreemorris
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This was so helpful and exactly what I needed to hear in order to honour my parents! Thanks APJ!

kirstenziegler
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Meditating on this. Thank you pastor John

panteamaddah
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That's nothing personal but i feel like you talked so much and said so little. I know as much as before. Honor this, honor that honor honor honor, you should honor all those people ... but still, I don't know HOW I shall honor someone who tells me that I will never get something done, that I'm not worthy, that I should go cause I only make problems.

You tell me I should honor this and should honor that and you should honor them despite they are not honorable. But in 12 full minutes not once you told me HOW I can in fact do that

sebastianjakameit
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Viewing this question through the lens of eternity, your family line brought you the gift of life. Yes, this valley of death is messy. It's maybe difficult to respect any toxic relationship especially from those that we perceive as being protectors and nurtures. Often the people we love the most hurt us with the deepest wounds and resulting scars. I know this to be true from person experience like many others. That said, when you view your parents through the lens of eternity, you will see hurt people hurt people. Often, those multigenerational hurt go back through family lines for centuries. Wars, economic depressions, famine, trauma, violence all take generations of family members working together to heal these deep spiritual wounds. Additionally, before you judge your parents, are you sure your child will not have scars of their own to heal from your own behavior? Do you want your child to give you the grace for your debts? Life is messy. Forgive quickly not for others but rather to heal from the wounds. Offer grace to others as you would want others to offer grace to you, including your own children. Healing these multigenerational wounds starts with grace, forgiveness and positive mental attitude towards the family you have that are willing to heal together. If they are not ready, love and respect them anyways for your own healing journey. Biblically, it talk about three generations of healing. Whether your the first generation or the third, healing begins with understanding, acknowledgment, acceptance, forgiveness and transcendence. All of which require respect and love of self, your origins, your journey, the lessons and growth gained during your souls path in the valley of life and death. With the advantage of hindsight, I wish I had learned this lesson before my parents died so I could acknowledge and respect the gift they gave me of adversity. The gifts and challenges they gave me provided me with the opportunity to show God my souls heart and character. Some might say that was the point and God's plan the entire time. With hindsight I was eternity grateful for the gift of my parents, this life and all the growth it's provided. So I choice to forgive my debtors as I wish others to forgive my debts. That grace is the least I can offer for all the centuries of struggle and hardships my genetic family endured to give me the opportunity to honor and respect them all before God with this post. Thank you for this beautiful gift called life. #Honour #Love #Respect #Gratitude ❤️🙏✝️👑

ng-marc
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Very helpful. The fear of the Lord was put in me when God led me to in deuteronomy talking about cursed is the man who...many things including no honoring parents. The long list of what God would do to us if we do not. This video was very helpful. Bottom line as in many cases, we are to be obedient to God's word, and suck it up. We give grace as we've received it without deserving it either. God help us all.

barbaramariemua
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At this point I'm convinced nothing matters because it's required to honor thy father and thy mother. It's a commandment so I'm going to do it. 😅

DariusMcDonald-fyzi
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Can we respect and honor a parent from afar? My parent is not going to change and I can't be around her. She's not my real parent. It's more of a story than I want to write here so can I honor and respect someone without having a relationship with that person.

chadbyrd
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The problem in America these days is that children have a parent, not parents.

HearGodsWord