All-or-Nothing Thinking: A Cognitive Distortion That Leads to Depression (#3)

All-or-nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion that can make you depressed because it convinces you that if you’ve messed up, it’s pointless to keep trying. Many people struggle with these types of thoughts, but you don't have to struggle with them forever. Learn how you can overcome this type of thinking and view yourself and your life in a more positive way.

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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[andreeamihaelatoma]

"Your worth is not dependent on being perfect"

This made me cry

[mtwata]

I think that explains why I don't have any hobbies. Whenever I see I don't meet some initial expectations, I quit. :/

[jessm]

"You've got to stay open to both success and failure."
"Speak to yourself in the way that you would encourage a friend. If you wouldn't say something to a friend, don't say it to yourself."

[getango]

What really helped me to get out of this thought pattern was shifting it from "Oh I did it bad. I am bad at this." to "Oh I could have done that better. Let me do it better!"
It takes practice to think this way. But once it clicks, everything gets easier, because you give yourself more and more chances to actually improve.

[MrJoon]

I seriously think the way that my family talked to me and treated me made me into an All or Nothing thinker. Slowly unlearning this way of thinking.

[Gemtiger]

I have been told people with depression can often have unrealistic expectations and thinking habits towards themselves, their own life, and life in general.

Like seeing their own life in an overly negative way and comparing it to a fantasy life that is overly positive. Truth is there is positive and negative in most if not all lives.

Becoming more balanced and realistic in the way I see myself, my own life, and life in general will support me I think.

[Србомбоница]

Yes, people telling me to see positive made me so arrogant and even more anxious at one point in my life, positive thinking made me even delusional and than the fall will eventually come and depression later than gets worse than before , positive is just as extreme as negative

[RachelRiner]

Yessss. This is a common ADHD trait and leads to my paralyzing perfectionism. I wish perfectionism meant that my home looked spotless but it’s the complete opposite. I’m going to keep digging into this all or nothing thinking topic and I really think this will help me get things done!

[adultingyoumissedonskipday]

So, what you did one month ago by publishing this video has made a huge impact on my life. I was at the point where all of my thinking was faulty. Now with the steps to use I feel some inspiration. Thank you very much. This is the first time I've seen your channel, perhaps someone higher up has placed you on my path.

[nashfahamza]

1.Notice how you are thinking - Using extreme words, Notice in which scenarios they occur, look at them instead of through them
2. Does this thinking help me live the life I want to live?
3. Name an emotion instead of the distorted reality ex : No one likes me - I feel lonely
4. Explore other ways of seeing the problem - What do i learn that will help me do better next time
5. If we really want to change our thinking, we have to Chose to be vulnerable
6. Practice self compassion

It also helps me to take a couple of deep breaths relax and look at the broader perspective. To remind myself how far i have already come.

[Србомбоница]

This is the most useful channel for mental issues, I genuinely appreciate you guys, thank you SO much 💓

[teewinot]

New subscriber here. Thank you for this video. I have depression and an ED. Black and white thinking has been a consistent theme since I first developed depression 12 years ago. I often wonder how many opportunities were missed because of this way of thinking. What’s funny is that I was much better at seeing the shades of gray when I was a kid. I remember playing sports and being very accepting of not always winning, but also being determined to improve and to get up and try again. In 6th grade, I was the worst clarinet player in band. By 8th grade, I won “most improved student” and made the all-city symphony. I never felt defeated. I felt like I had an opportunity to improve, which is really such a gift. Amazing that my thinking was more refined and productive as a kid than it has been as an adult. So, instead of feeling defeated and remorseful for spending so many years as an “all or nothing” thinker, I am seeing an opportunity to improve. I am accepting of my faults and weaknesses, celebratory of my strengths and wins. I am not defeated; I am curious.

[jamesgoh]

success is getting up each day and giving everything your absolute best, regardless of results. Please the people you see who are worth your time and who are genuinely interested in you

[PeaceboneGotFound]

Wow, I needed this 😌 I've been realizing lately that I'm pretty hard on myself. I've been telling myself lately things like "I haven't made ANY progress in my career in five years, " and I'm trying to step away from all-or-nothing thinking and into the realization that I am making progress even if it's not huge or exactly what I imagined!

[goldieh]

Some great ways to look at difficulties and mistakes in life. Some of us we're not taught healthy ways to deal and one reason we think in all or nothings is because we were taught this growing up. My parents were always saying "it's probably for the best you don't even try, honey". It was their way of keeping me dependant on them and enmeshed.

[veiganovoa]

I'm so thankful for such a sensible speech... Please, continue with your chanel. I'm sure you're helping tones of people.

[crawlinginfilm]

12:12 "choosing to be vulnerable" - right on the point!

[crawlinginfilm]

09:56 not saying "focus on the positive" - really good: realistic, sustainable

[AutumnD]

I loved the fact that you said you shouldn't always think positive with reasons as well. I always thought the same. Positive thinking shouldn't make you lose who you are - a human being.

[jodybrug]

Thank you Emma! I really needed to hear this today. I lost my husband to cancer this year. Today I was fixated on the thought that no man will ever find me desirable ever again because I’m 48 yo. I will work on this harmful thinking. Thank you so much!