The Three Reasons People Lose Custody of Their Children in Family Court

In Maricopa County, there are three reasons people lose custody in family court or have their parenting time reduced or removed:

1. They don't know what to do or have a poor strategy
2. They refuse to change or alter their behavior even slightly due to pride
3. They are unable to make the changes necessary to prevent losing their kids.

Custody battles are a chess game and the rules of engagement are fairly simple, create a child-centered universe and couch every argument and every criticism within that universe.

#familylaw #custodybattle #custody #divorcelawyer

[scottwasson]

I”m glad she admits its a game and the state is playing with parents. It’s disgusting and corrupt.

[basicprogrammer]

Here are the reasons:
1. Bad attorneys
2. Evil attorneys
3. Attorneys

[DereksGuitarLessons]

The idea that parents have to “script a case” is actually a sign that Judges aren’t that good at or interested in hearing the facts. Good video, but I do think the takeaway is the shortcomings of the Court. Thanks for the content and advice.

[marcelmalone]

This is absolutely some of the best advise I've seen yet on the internet. My ex is badly losing our case for all of the reasons she spoke about COMBINED !! As dad, ive always put my daughter FIRST in every decision i've ever made, while she sat back and did nothing. Now she trying to plan catch up trying to be a mom because she's about to lose full custody permanently. Moral of the story, do it for the child ALL the time, not just when the courts are watching !!!!

[FatherX]

Good talk. After a 3+ year custody battle, where I was awarded primary custody, as a dad...I totally agree that, technically, the best strategy is that "the child is the center of the universe" and all of your parenting actions and court testimony revolves around that. But there's another piece to consider, depending on your judge. Our judge completely ignored my petitions for custody and my allegations on Day 1...and rubberstamped the mother for custody...based on 1 best interest factor instead of the totality of the circumstance. And the judge ignored me and my lawyer for 3 years...and kept rubberstamping whatever the mother wanted. So this 2nd piece is recognizing how to get around the court's bias...because it's definitely real. And I laid out direct testimony for 28 hours, detailing the mother's violence, anger management issues, suicidal threats (all of which the judge was actively ignoring until my testimony)...and undermining all of the standard gender-biased stereotypes the judge could have. I laid out undeniable testimony to prove I was the better parent across 12 best interest factors...not just 1-2 key points. And I blocked the judge from being able to just rubberstamping the mother in the Final Custody Order. So this 2nd piece is to quickly recognize if your judge is gender-biased against dads and/or incompetent...and then strategize to neutralize that, so you can have a decision in the best interests of the child....instead of a decision by a judge that just wants to get through their caseload by taking the "safe" way out and rubberstamping the mother.

[anonymoose]

Ive been in pretty constant custody litigation for nearly 14 years. My ex will NOT let it go.

My advice: act in good faith, dont be baited into nonsense, focus on the best interest of your kid(s). Its not always easy, especially when dealing with an abusive ex - but if you do these three things, generally, youll do alright.

[FatherX]

It is extremely important that every word you state, every action you take, and every decision you make, should be centered around what is best for your child.... as opposed to what is best for the mother or the father.

Also, many people complain that they lose because they don't have lawyers. But lawyers are not the solution to this. Many people spend $200K on a lawyer and still have a terrible outcome. You are the All Star MVP of your case. I encourage you to take on that role. Do not outsource that role to a lawyer.

[laurav]

I'm a family law in Florida and have been doing family law exclusively for last ten years. Parents, please listen to this video. I am going to start sending to my clients because this is an excellent summation and vital to understand. Listen to this video multiple times-- whenever you get frustrated. It will keep you focused.

[district]

100% a game. State does not want 50/50 Parenting Time Legislation. Because they would have to support those that don’t want to work. Statistics show family courts throughout Canada are anything but equal and fair. Criminals get treated more equally than fathers in Canada. Sad part is this is destroying families and wrecking childrens lives.

[jackmason]

I think courts are really taking this "we don't want to take your kids away from you" policy a little too far. I'm sorry, but if you have a substance abuse problem and you are leaving your kids with sex offenders while you smoke meth and your kids have to watch their grandparents call an ambulance for you because you have stopped breathing, the court SHOULD want to take your kids away from you. She is doing a lot of wagging her finger at parents for just pointing out the shortcomings of the other parent and saying "you have to make your kiddo the center of the universe" but why isn't the COURT making the kid the most important thing? If you want to smoke meth and hang out with sex offenders, that's on you and the court should concern itself with protecting your child's right to not have to suffer the consequences of your bad decision making. I think the child's safety and right to not be raped by a child molester while dad is stoned is more important that "respecting his parental rights." I think he gives up those parental rights every time he picks up the pipe. Instead of making the child suffer through watching that parent go through rehab and continue to be left with who-knows-who, I say give the kid to the other parent and if and when the meth-head parent decides they want to be involved with the kid again then they can PROVE they are clean and sober and a responsible adult who will have a positive influence on the kids life FIRST. THEN they can petition to have time with their kid.

[lexh.]

This is one of the better videos on child custody I've seen.

Focus on the child. Focus on solutions and be clear to the court how your solutions will help the child. Pro Se litigants frequently lose child custody cases simply because they are ignorant, unprepared, and the opposition points out their entire argument is an ad hominem to prove the other parent is a liar.

Know the law. Know the case law. Know court rules. And, most importantly, keep your child's needs paramount to EVERYTHING else.

Don't blame the system when you go to court and expect the judge to read a few texts, become outraged at your ex's behavior, and award you custody by moral superiority. YOU failed to state a logical, coherent case. YOU failed to be the advocate your child needs. Flaws are ubiquitous in all systems including family court. Learn them. Overcome them. And be the adult your child needs.

Thank you for posting the video. It's quite a contrasting source to all the other legal "advice" out there.

[kepp]

I love this advice. It's too easy to point the finger at the other person and their shortcomings without saying how you yourself are the better parent. I'm representing myself and I think this is invaluable to help me put together a case. Thank you so much

[Zizana]

With all due respect... losing custody should never be an issue... it should be 50/50 unless one parent is deemed dangerous or unable to properly care for the kid... and that should be fully investigated...

[RD-BRAUNSIN]

Oh it's truly a game where I had no idea what level of cruelty she would arrive at to win. I didn't lie in court, she did. I didn't lie to casa, she did. Her lawyer attacked me and so did the casa worker I had no chance to rebuttal at all while my lawyer was texting during court. I got vaporized and I was taking her to court for contempt cuz I hadn't been allowed a visit in 7 months. I've been speechless ever since. Judge is considering me paying for both sides of I take her to court a 3rd time for her contempt. Haven't had a visit in over a year. Did nothing wrong at all. She just thought I didn't deserve to see him. It's crazy.

[elyon]

The state can only gets involved when
1.) you let an agent the State of “?” Say, “I pronounce you Husband and Wife”.
2.) Get a Birth Certificate.
3.) Get a SSN.
4.) Be Naturalized as a U.S. CITIZEN.
5.) Forgot to ask for the Contact that you gave you child to the STATE.
6.) Forget to ask for the Judge’s Oath or Affirmation to support the Constitution.
7.) Hire a Lawyer; (Their first duty is to the Court, not the Client.) [Special Appearance vs. General Appearance.]
8. Do not have a National Identification Card!
9.) Public Law 856.
10.) The American Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous People. (Only for Americans of the Continental America) not to be used by U.S. citizens.

Genesis Ch 10:6-20; Public law 97-280.

[nicholasdonaldson]

As a CASA, I understand this but this is why I am sick of attorneys as this is viewed as Property Rights rather than treating the child as a human being. Pretty much telling people how to play the system and continuing this revolving door.

[nicholusbaker]

My wife left me and took our two children while I was at work four days ago. I received the divorce papers the following day. She is refusing to allow me to see them until a custody agreement is filed with the court. She is also refusing to allow me to talk with them aside from a couple random calls. I have been non stop talking with friends, lawyers and doing research since she left. The stress is now so bad it is painful. I've slept maybe 8 hours in the past four days and my appetite is inconsistent. I don't know what to do. I can't afford an attorney.

[michaelddrapala]

These rules are dangerous to children. Every time the parent with addiction issues gets a pass, it's another opportunity for that child to be harmed.

[ProMainMan]

I’m so frustrated that my son is being used as a tool to hurt me because my wife and soon to be ex wife is mad at herself. Makes me angry and sad.
So true though like mental health. I never imagined seeing my son so angry and confused, frustrated.

[AllDayKiller]

20 year school teacher. Never charged with a crime. I am the epitome of the silver bullet scheme. Lost my 3 girls, 2 dogs, home, career, and possessions. Just a vessel now. Thrown away like garbage. Married my childhood sweetheart. 30 years later, treated like garbage. Just a vessel now. Life uses tragedy. The end can’t come soon enough for Silver Bullet Scheme recipients. Anybody can run to the court with a lie and destroy a man. The American Dream is dead to me.