Is It Ever Okay To Cheat? | #TherapistReacts

Is It Ever Okay To Cheat? | #therapistreacts //

Is it ever okay to cheat? When it is okay to cheat? Watch this video to learn more about whether or not cheating is ever justifiable.

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00:00 Is it ever okay to cheat?
00:30 Have you ever cheated clip
02:33 Filling the need for attention
04:35 Revenge cheating
07:45 What does it feel like to be cheated on
11:00 Dating boundaries

#therapistreacts #cheaters #relationshipgoals #mendedlight #jonathandecker

[GaryOPostle]

I think a large amount of people aren’t emotionally aware or intelligent enough to know that they’re unhappy in a relationship and then cheat and then realise in retrospect. It’s an even bigger problem when they blame their partner for the quality of the relationship even though they never communicated that they were unhappy.

[MTCHSMLN]

Sexual cuddling... I would interpret that as cuddling while fully reclined, maybe with groping, probably some grinding. It's not sex, but definitely sexually oriented, and I would definitely count that as cheating even if nobody was naked.

[MD-vmtc]

I don't understand how people get so confused as to what constitutes cheating. If you are doing something with someone else outside of your relationship that you feel the need to hide, I'm sorry, but that is cheating. It is probably different for different people. It may be texting, flirting, viewing pornography, going to strip clubs, or physical contact. If it breaks that sacred boundary of trust, it is cheating.

[VizAnyaMSC]

I "cheated" according to my ex-husband. I had been telling him for years that I was miserable (he wouldn't work, he spent money like it was potato chips, we had no intimacy). I finally started asking for us to open our relationship and see other people. I asked him point blank three times, and he said yes all three times, ending with "I don't care as long as you financially support me." We were staying together for the kids. After I started seeing someone (totally honest about my situation with the person I was seeing and they were in a similar situation), the spouse freaked out and got jealous. He told the therapist that he thought I should have known that his "yes" to having an open relationship was just to get me to shut up. I don't think I cheated, but I lost a lot of friends who took his side.

[TheSuperNats]

I grew up watching how cheating destroyed my mothers spirit and self worth. I have a lot of hatred towards that behavior. I try to have some understanding for cheaters and not let it affect my
(fortunately) much healthier relationship, but it’s hard.

[larenkevin]

By "sexual cuddling" I think she means cuddling someone in a sensual way, rather than an innocent way. There's sexual tension and flirtation, even if nothing more serious happened.
As opposed to innocent cuddling, like friends who are just comfortable being more physically affectionate (hugging, sitting close together, leaning on each other) but there’s no attraction or sexual energy between them.

[KBbookcorner]

I dunno. I cheated when i was trapped in an abusive marriage. I was financially and physically dependant on him because he trapped me when i wa 19 years old.
The person i cheated on him with was the ONLY person who helped me escape. Friends and family, no one else would help me. He helped me get my license, a car and a job so I could escape that life.
Im forever grateful to him, even though we ended not working out and stayed friends

Edit: cheating is not always about sex. I was in a relationship (a forced one but still a relationship) and i made the choice to emotionally bond with someone else in order to escape the relationship i was trapped in. I actually never had sex with the person who helped me, because I'm sex repulsed and he actually respected that unlike my ex husband who forced himself on me.
I hated that relationship, grateful that i cheated because i never would have gotten out otherwise, but it's still cheating and i hate that's what i had to do to get out.

[MalloryNewcomb]

Oh my goodness Jonathan is too precious for words “you’re not a ho, no no no sweet woman” 😊

[uncertain_zee]

I just wanna say as a bisexual woman, hey! If youre a woman in a relationship with a man and hes okay with you being with other women and not with men, please make sure you explain the situation to the person youre gonna do something with especially if you're hooking up or something, AT LEAST to the level of "hey i have another partner, they know i do this, and i just want this to be a hookup" or smthn, cheating and betrayal doesnt only apply to the main partner youre with.

[jerrymerica]

I cheated without knowing i cheated. I did something with someone my partner considered cheating, but It was something that I didn't consider cheating. It was kinda the reason my relationship started failing off. Now I tell people to ask potential partners what they consider cheating.

[cearathomas]

As someone that has cheated, other than the guilt for hurting the other person, the worst part is knowing that you are capable of doing something that you never thought you would ever do. And you just get to sit with yourself in that

[tristaclelland]

Been cheated on 3 times and none of them ever showed any remorse. First one laughed it off with his buddies so it feels odd seeing some people in this video actually seem to regret it

[cameoe]

After being told by my first husband constantly that he settled for me and no one else would ever love me and that I was unattractive, I used an emotional affair with a long term, long distance friend to pull myself out of the marriage. I had pretty much realized that I wanted to end it by that point. But I wasn't immediately honest about it because I was worried about what he would do and how I would support myself financially. I feel worse for my friend because I can see now in retrospect that I used him, though at the time it felt desperately real and like a lifeline. I honestly don't think I would have been able to withstand my ex's manipulation and threats if I hadn't known someone else loved me. I've done a lot of work since then. Lived alone and supported myself, learned my worth and to love myself through therapy. And now I'm happily remarried to someone who treats me so well. I don't think what I did was right. But I'm glad that I got out and grew from the experience.

[kittenannebunteman]

I am so happy that you are willing to talk that there is different ideologies and explaining that in situations with polyamoury and other forms of nonmonogamy there is different parameters for cheating. Because I have been called a cheater (being poly) - but never once did I breech the agreements I have had with my partners. Thank you so much for the awareness and sharing it.

[sameaston]

1:35. A friend with a PhD on an emphasis on domestic abuse once asked me if I'm an abuser. I answered "Gee, I hope not." She responded, "right answer." What she told me is people who abuse or more likely to abuse will give say a straight "No" for an answer. Her reason is people who are more likely aware they can abuse are less likely to do it, cuz they keep themselves on check, as oppose to someone who wont acknowledge they can do something bad. I bet that reason can be applied to many areas, like infidelity.

[Falcon]

The one situation that didn't come up that I am curious to hear a take on is with regards to an abusive relationship. If a person is afraid to leave a relationship for their personal safety, because that cannot be done surreptitiously, but finds a place to get their own needs met that they feel they can cover up, I would still, by the definition of infidelity given in the video, say that the person has "cheated", but their reasoning feels excusable. That said, if a person is with a dangerous partner, I imagine there's extreme risk in them cheating, and for their own safety, I would think they shouldn't engage in it from a risk-assessment logical standpoint; however, the ethics and pathology of this situation put the cheater in a position where I feel they can hardly be considered the "bad person". There may be healthier and safer ways out of that kind of situation, but a person in survival mode can hardly be blamed for making rash decisions due to the physical effects that fear and panic have on the brain and its decision making capabilities.

[RuthParodies]

For all the people in the comments who are cheated on... That sucks!! I feel for you.. I hope you are with somebody who's treating you better now or I hope that the person that cheated on you has drastically changed and are loving you now the way you deserve to be loved...

[GirlyGeek]

I was wondering if the video was going to define infidelity. Because as someone who is polyamorous and practiced monogamy for years, I've never cheated. But cheating can occur in Poly relationships and when it does, it adds an extra level of pain to the betrayal. But I'm glad that John defined it the way he did.

[wcezel]

For me, If I had a behaviour I feel like I should "hide" from my partner that's cheating. And vice versa, if feels like it's better not to tell me because you're afraid of hurting my feelings then you've done something wrong my friends. I think it's important to stay open and say who you find attractive, if someone flirts with you and be able to talk and laught about it together

[MaegAnne]

I've never cheated but for six months my rapist had me convinced that I had and if I hadn't had a good therapist and a good husband helping me work through it, I would still be carrying around the guilt and pain of what happened, blaming myself for having been drugged and manipulated.