When Your Dog Dies: Getting Through the Grief and Guilt of Pet Loss

Maybe you wish you'd taken your dog to the vet sooner, or you think put your dog to sleep too soon. You may feel sick with guilt and shame, grief and regret. Whether you chose to put your dog to sleep or accidentally hurt your dog, your grief and guilt feels unbearable.

I’ve heard from hundreds of readers who were somehow involved in their dog’s death. Some were directly responsible for accidentally causing their dogs to die, while others feel like they put their dogs to sleep too soon. After you read my tips on how to deal with guilty feelings after a dog’s death, read through the comments section in my blog post. You’ll see you are not alone.

If you accidentally hurt your dog – or you wonder if you put your dog to sleep too soon – you’ll feel overwhelmed with guilt and shame. You loved your dog with all your heart and you feel like you'll can't even start coping with the loss of your dog. The last thing you wanted to do was cause your dog harm or death.

Most pet owners deal with guilty feelings after their dog dies. They struggle to learn how to live without their best friends after pet loss. In this video you’ll find a variety of practical and emotional ways to deal with guilty feelings after your dog dies. These ideas may or may not work for you, but I encourage you to at least think about them. Working through the guilty feelings after the loss of your dog will help you heal from the pain.

Practical tips for coping with the loss of your dog:

Write your dog a letter. Here’s something surprising but worth trying: write a letter of apology to your dog. Clear 30 minutes in your schedule, sit down in a private spot where you can write and weep, and tell your dog what happened. This will help you process and deal with your guilty feelings about your dog’s death.

Consider what your needs were at that time, and whether they were being met. If not, why not? This will help you see why you acted the way you did. For example, if you accidentally left your dog in a hot car you will see that you needed to do x, y, and z. That is what motivated you to forget your dog.

What were your motives for the decision you made? What or who was the catalyst for your behavior?

How were your feelings and mistakes handled when you were growing up? Were they forgiven, judged, or punished? Who was hard on you? Were you made to feel ashamed? It’s harder for us to forgive ourselves and deal with guilty feelings after a dog’s death when we haven’t learned forgiveness as children.

Relive your dog's death. What would you have done differently? It’s very possible that you would make that same decisions today, even though you feel guilty and are having trouble coping with the loss of your dog.

How does it benefit you to continue to punish yourself for accidentally causing your dog’s death?

If you had a forgiving mom, compassionate teacher, or wise counselor, write her a letter. Tell her that you can't cope with the loss of your dog. Let her warmth and love help you grieve.

Talk to other dog owners about what happened – but don’t share with those who might judge you. You are welcome to write about what happened to your dog in the comments section below. You will never be judged or shamed here, no matter how your dog died or what you did.

In sympathy,
Laurie

[dave]

My dog passed away yesterday. I am deeply hurt, there’s nothing the vet can do due to his heart condition. I tried my best to keep him for one year, that’s how much time the vet estimated he will have left. But I still feel horrible and feel so much grudge that if I could’ve of taken care of his health better in the past 12 years, maybe this wouldn’t happen. I feel so hurt, and I wake up this morning, he’s not here. This is the worst feeling, and watching the vet inject the needle to put him to sleep. The entire time I was thinking he know I am putting him down. I feel so bad

[brucekienlen]

It can be such a sad feeling to know it’s your fault especially when you are completely bonded with your pet or best friend. My heart goes out to those dealing with this pain.

[SantiIndahLestari]

I lost my fur daughter yesterday. She was a 13-year-old Shih tzu. I thought she would be with me for at least 15 years, after seeing my friend's dog of the same breed died at 15. So, when she turned 13 this year, I didn't think it would be her last birthday. In 2017, I moved to another city alone and entrusted her to my parents' care. I came home once in two weeks. I really thought that she would stay long, so when I came back to my city for good on Christmas 2019, I would finally get to spend more time with her. But then in 2020, I started having other issues in my life. For the last 3 years I felt that I wasn't a good pawrent for her because I paid more attention to my life's problems than I did to her. Sure I would take her to her favorite salon sometimes, I would take her to my car and she would get excited to see things from the window (her favorite thing to do when she was on my car), I would give her snacks but it was not as often as I did before I started having problems. For the last 3 years, I had been focusing on other things than her. When she was by my side, I was busy playing video games and watching anime without even looking at her just because I was trying to entertain myself (because I got tired of my problems), not noticing that the only thing I should have done was came to her, hugged her and made myself happy with her. But no, Instead, I chose video games and movies over her. Sometimes I hugged her and sometimes I pat her head but it wasn't as often as I used to before. A week before she passed away, I finally realized my mistake. She grew weaker due to her old age and fleas that I didn't take care of completely because I had no money. The vet suggested that we do some blood test lab on her to find the right way to treat her once we knew the root cause of her illness, but it was so expensive and I didn't have money to cover for that, so I chose to give her medications at home followed by the vet's instructions. But it only last for a day. On her last night, she was struggling to breathe and I did everything I could to save her and took her to a 24-hour vet clinic. The vet told me to let her stay there because she needed more oxygen. The vet also told me that she was not that sick, but she was old and her breath was too deep. And when I left her there for the night, she passed away in the morning and I was not by her side when that happened. Now after her passing, I'm not only consumed by grief but also by this huge guilt and regret. I regret not paying attention to her every day. I regret moving to another city for almost 3 years and having less time to meet her during those years. I regret not saving money for her. I regret not spending money for her. I regret neglecting her most of the time. I regret ignoring her when she slept by my side. I regret not playing with her more. I regret not realizing her presence in my room when I was busy entertaining myself with games and movies. Now that she's gone, I'm a disaster and all those games I play and movies I watch are meaningless and less entertaining for me. My favorite food doesn't taste the same and I am in so much pain. That's because I know, deep down inside, I love her so much even when I was drown in my own problems, I knew my fur daughter was all I needed. The pain of losing her and the pain of the guilt and regrets are unbearable. I wish I could meet her again and did the right thing. But it was too late and i miss her already. 😭

[daveknowshow]

my dog was put down at the vet and I feel I did not do enough to save her. even though the vet said it was time and she would not get better I blame myself for not trying one more more thing, anything at all even if it was unsuccessful. I know in ways that I'm being selfish because I wanted to save her for my comfort. I miss my Daisy Girl so much. I cry nearly every day. its been mentally and physically exhausting. I'm hoping I can find some comfort from something some one says on youtube. maybe that is silly but as a youtube creator myself I know that most of us do try to help others. thanks for sharing your thoughts and for listening.

[eliz]

My dog died a week and a half ago. He was only 9. I feel tremendous guilt as he was unwell and not himself on the Friday which with hindsight I see so clearly now. I went out to a concert with my mum thinking he would be fine. I did bring him to the out of hours ED that night and what followed was a horrendous 2.5wks of vet hospital admission, ups and downs and an eventual heart attack when he passed away (he had a flare up of his IBD and was diagnosed with PLE which seemed to be aggressive).
I always think every experience we have in life is trying to teach us a lesson. I think the lesson in this for me is to not take the people and animals I love most in life for granted. I always assumed my darling boy would be with me until he was at least 12. I took him for granted and was not in tune with him and his needs and was often selfish. It’s been the hardest lesson of my life to learn but I know I will be a better dog parent moving forward to any dogs who will hopefully come into my life in the future.

[jrusso]

The truth will never set me free but maybe just maybe it can save another dogs life. I lost my 3 year old puppy and my heart is shattered. I don’t know how I’m going to live with this pain, live without him. He was my best friend, the love of my life, we went almost everywhere together and he rarely wore a leash. I didn’t think of myself as an owner, he was my best friend and it felt off to put a chain on him though so many times I had. He was well trained and listened well but I didn’t want to tame all of the wild out of him. He was a little bit crazy and I loved it. We were at my house when he was hit and the regret is burning me up inside. I was outside with him after just throwing his frisbee turned to rake some leaves and saw him bolt towards the road I screamed but it was too late he was hit by a truck and I heard it and watched in horror as his body went into the ditch. I will never forget that moment it claws at my heart and haunts my mind. I ran to his side to see his eyes twitching but he was breathing and I begged god to save him, told him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. Car pulled up and I carried him inside, he tried to get up on the drive but I just held him gently and tried to get him to settle. I was so terrified of him hurting worse. We made it to the hospital but it was too late. There was one closer but I didn’t have my phone or my car and I couldn’t think. If only it didn’t take so long, if only I let him cough up more blood, maybe just maybe his lungs wouldn’t fill with blood and he wouldn’t have gone into cardiac arrest and he would of made it. I wish I stopped him, I wish I threw myself in front of him before it happened, I wish I could slow the seconds and save his life. I am dying inside feeling responsible for the death of the brightest part of my life. I can’t think of any other time I had him outside without a leash while I was so near to the road unless my full attention was on him. I fucked up so bad and can never have that time back, his life back. I feel like a terrible person. I let my best friend down and lost him and as a result I may have lost my beautiful little family. I used to hug him in awe and thank god for having something so precious in my life. My boyfriend and I raised him together since he was a puppy and I fear he will never forgive me for my role in his death. I fear a part of him hates me now and I do too. He asked me so many times to not play in the yard with Zsaz without a fence, without a leash. I failed my boys and fear I have lost my two best friends in one day. I was just starting to feel hopeful again after the death of my brother in 2019. I miss him every day and this is another unbearable blow to my battered heart. I am in shock and so angry at myself it’s fucking agony. I never thought this would happen and I hate myself for not being more careful on the one day that it meant everything. I can’t stop crying and seeing him and berating myself for not getting a fence or putting him inside or throwing my body in front of his to save him. I don’t know how to go on. He was perfect and so young and every day I thanked the universe for his place in my life. I thought we had so much more time. I wanted to see him grow old so badly. How do I go on knowing I failed my baby boy and the man I love and ruined my chance at happiness? I feel like I didn’t deserve him and maybe I don’t deserve happiness. I’m so sorry sorry will never be a big enough word. I’m so sorry sorry will never change this. I wish I had a time machine yet again and again again.

[MakRaee]

i lost my girl on valentine’s day this year. she was outside when my boyfriends dog went out to use the bathroom. we’ve had them outside together before with no issue. but this time the dogs prey instinct kicked in, and he killed her. i feel so guilty because i could have 100% prevented her death. i was just too negligent at the time. the what if scenarios play on my head in repeat. it’s a pain i can’t describe

[laurennikole]

Thank you so much for sharing this video. I have been watching so many videos on pet loss and this one really got me. You’re a beautiful person and I appreciate how vulnerable you are in this video. It’s so powerful and will help so many people. I’m so grateful I saw it, have a lovely day!

[d]

My 11 and a half dog died 3 day ago after lying next to my chair for a couple hours. I knew she wasn't feeling well but thought she'd be fine. By the time a felt the distended stomach and knew something was wrong it was too late. How did I not notice? My one job is to keep her safe and I failed. I lost my last one a year and a half ago. I have no idea how to get past the guilt.

[thereallisa]

My 12 yr old shitzhu Tuffy tragically died 3 days ago and I feel it was all my fault. My heart is shattered and I can barely breathe. We were kindred souls.. He was my child. I don't what to do with this grief. I should have never ever let him follow me on to the dock on such a windy day. He was gone so fast .. In an an instant..and it took over an hour of searching to find his little lifeless body washed up on shore. Ohhh i can't forgive myself. I miss him more than words can ever express. 😭😭😭

[patricet]

This was just a wonderful blessing for a hurting heart to hear.

[bambiparnell]

My grey, curly haired, peekaboo Little Bear was the love of my life for 13 years. He was like my child. We loved each so much. My mother used to say "if one of you die we will have to kill the other one and bury y'all together". Late Wednesday night I was upset about a nasty person and totally flustered. I was talking to a neighbor on the phone and I let my dog out to pee by himself. He had done this many times before and he would come right back. But this night a car hit him and he died. And I feel like I want to die too. I am devastated. It was stupid to let my dark colored dog out in the dark. I gambled with his life. And lost it. I let him down. He was my baby. I am in such so pain. Thank you for this video. It has helped me so much.

[Bustercherryy]

my dog just died on Saturday morning and I can’t help but feel that it was my fault. She was a little mixed chihuahua and she was 12 years old and love of my life. her mother also past away last year due to a heart disease.so she hasn’t been feeling well for days because she had trouble walking and kept hiding in my room. She was still eating and wagging her tail so I thought I could wait a little bit before taking her to the vet when I was finally able to get an appointment with the vet I found her dead in her bed and my heart was so broken and I feel that I should have intervened in time to save her but I was already too late. I can’t get it out of my head that my dog is gone but I thank you for this and hope to recover soon

[sashaxnea]

My just was put down 48 hrs ago and I'm in deep pain.

[bobbymorrison]

My nine-year-old black Chihuahua was killed by a car Monday night. It was a chain of unlikely events that led to it. I will always feel guilty about it. Beaumont was a companion, a best friend and a dog who helped me get through some of my darkest days when my wife passed away over five years ago. We traveled everywhere possible together. He was my hiking trail buddy as well. We kept each other in shape.

I just feel empty now and full of regret over what happened.

I didn’t cry this much when my father died. 😢

[laurennikole]

Thank you so much for posting this. I have been watching so many videos on pet loss and this one really got me. You are a beautiful soul. Thank you

[cbr]

I just found this video now but it still resonated. I lost my dog yesterday afternoon from unexpected reasons. She had a tender tummy for the last 2 weeks, and was eating and exercising normally. I still wanted to take her in, but I’m only 17, so I kept asking my parents to do so. They didn’t have time to take her, but finally, yesterday we took her in. She was acting fine and they diagnosed her with heart failure due to her fluid buildup. When we got home, she got worse. Labored breathing, foaming at the mouth, and peeing herself. It was like she went down hill within a few hours. After a seizure, we rushed her back where she was euthanized, while I hugged and kissed her goodbye. I feel so guilty that we didn’t take her sooner. I know heart failure is incurable in the long run but I still feel like I could have done more. It all happened so fast it feels like a nightmare. She was only 9.

[dayzlaitinen]

Thank you. Thank you for your reassurance. On the 1st, I lost my Milo a little white rat terrier. I left him to hangout with a friend while my dad and older sister were watching him for the night. My sister thought he was in the car with them while they left for the store. They came back 20 minutes later to find Milo laying in the road. He was hit by a vehicle outside my apartment. I feel so alone and guilt for the times I knew he wanted to play or I knew he needed me and him time. I ignored him when he needed reassurance from me. I regret everything. I miss him so much! It hurts so much!

[mahshidmilanifar]

My 14 year old chihuahua Bella was hit by a car 3 days ago after I ran to put her lead on when leaving a park. She ran in the road and didn't even make it to the vet. But the reason I feel so guilty is that I was having a bad day where I wished I didn't have dogs and I must have had a bad energy. I had Bella for 12 years and even got her a another chihuahua friend after a few years so that she would not be alone. I gave them both a good life but 2 years ago my daughter was born so living alone with a baby and 2 dogs and no help started to make me feel tired and annoyed and I just never had the time to sit and cuddle them like before. They were walked and fed every day and still well looked after but I feel so guilty because I was always tired and stressed for the past year and the day I lost Bella she felt my bad energy and I am guilty for going too fast towards her to put her lead on so she must have got scared and ran in the road. I know she was old and on heart medication but if I was more careful she would still be here. Now I am giving lots of love and attention to my little dog who lost his friend. It was my fault and I wish I was more loving and played with her more like before. I wish I could go back in time and do things better

[alejandroquesada]

I am searching for pet grief videos because what happened to me was weird and this video really helped me. l was walking with a friend to his house which was really far, in the process l petted this stray dog which was really dirty; but very, very kind. Because of this one affectionate action that I gave him, he started to follow us; every kilometer or so we would stop to pet it and we must have walked for over ten kilometers, when he sadly took a wrong turn and got hit very violently by a car.
He must not have suffered for more than ten seconds, l say to myself. l barely even know this dog, l tell myself. lt is unimaginable how many dogs die this way every year, l tell myself... and yet, l still feel sadness and guilt and shame for simultaneously being responsible for this dog's death and for inadvertantly putting my poor friend into this horrible situation. l will honour this dog by not stopping to pet strays (as at first l though I should do), but instead I will remember this dog for the rest of my life by actively being more mindful of my actions and by realising that, yes, l am not entirely to blame; but next time if a stray dog is following me for too long and l know that I can't keep it safe... I'll call a friend to pick us, both me and the dog, up and I'd put him back where I found it.
This has happened less than a day ago, because of how raw this wound is, my brain is probably worried that l'll feel this way forever, but l'll be okay soon and l will keep petting strays.