Why Compatibility Is More Important Than Chemistry | by Jay Shetty

Ever get caught up in the chemistry of a relationship, only to realize later you weren’t compatible? Jay Shetty reminds us that most of our visions of compatibility and chemistry come from the media. We expect one person to be everything in our lives, but that’s not possible.

In this video, Jay Shetty explains three foundations to compatibility: the ability to communicate well, common personal goals, and honesty and comfort in expressing one’s soul with each other.

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Jay Shetty is a storyteller, podcaster, and former monk who wants to make wisdom go viral. He loves taking his own life experiences, lessons from his time as a monk, and truths he has learned to make others’ lives better.
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[TheChees]

Chemistry to get it started.
Compatibility to keep it going.
Shared values and vision to make
it last.

[InnerVisionStudios]

"Your partner can't be everything and neither can you" 👏👏

[youniqca]

When I start considering my partner as boring, I remind myself too that I can be boring sometimes. Just give each other time and space to get back to each other in a better version. He is not here to entertain me, it’s not his duty so let both of us be ourselves

[hoebihoebi]

Chemistry is like riding a rollercoaster that gives you this ephemeral euphoria whereas compatibility feels like home, it's stable and sure.

[micahm]

It’s the worst feeling thinking we had so much chemistry and had so much fun only to realize in the end we just weren’t made for each other. And when it’s gone it’s easier to remember how much chemistry we had not how much compatibility we didn’t.

[bayleaf]

This is SO TRUE. I met this guy on a trip and we INSTANTLY gelled. I was head over heels. Finally someone I clicked with and someone who understood me. Same culture, same sense of humour, same family structure, similar interests..
HOWEVER we had different "goals" or "visions" in life, which is why it didn't work out.

He wasn't immature per se, but he wasn't as mature as me, and thus did not share the same set of core values as me. (Despite being from the same culture)
Although I noticed this, I naively brushed it off because I really wanted it to work between us. But ultimately it couldn't because we were in different stages in life. To cut a long story short, I broke my own heart by investing my energy into a relationship, that i could CLEARLY *SEE* wouldn't work out.
I should've listened to my gut at the first red flag, but I didn't - and paid the price later.

It's very easy to be fooled by chemistry, so don't be. Always listen to your intuition, it will never misguide you

[thelmabukikun]

It's better to be friends with someone first and get to know them well before committing. Ask more questions to know the person well. I think there's a video by Jay about this

[thelmabukikun]

I think it comes down to a person's background, upbringing and their values in life. How a person reacts to certain problems reflects on the way they were raised.

[guessmyname]

Chemistry is something you have right away. Compatibility is something you learn over time.

[charmingboi]

If you have chemistry, but aren’t compatible, walk away. They aren’t for you. !!EQUALLY IMPORTANT!! - If you share compatibility, but there’s no chemistry, walk away. They aren’t for you. Don’t sell yourself short on either end. You deserve a man/woman in your life who is ON FIRE for you, AND is compatible with you. It may take longer to find him/her, but it’s worth it. Consummate Love people. Don’t settle for anything less.

[sabinabavenlee]

The best option is a person with whom you have both compatability&chemistry. Because compatility without chemistry is just a friendship and chemistry without compability is just a passion. So relationship without passion can be boring but passion without understanding can probably burn down one day.

[jennmemphis]

This couldn't be more true!!! Be very careful who you marry. My 8 year marriage ended because we were so opposite. He wanted to drink, watch football, be lighthearted and have fun. I long for deep connection, conversation and bonding. It's been a painful lesson. Do not sell yourself short to fit in another person's vision of what your life should be. It WILL END in heartbreak. Soul based relationships only. Do it for yourself. ❤️💔

[devgowri]

I feel communication is everything...the less we talk the less understanding about each other...

[Cheryl]

My husband told me that he had chemistry with his lover and he didn’t have that with me. He said I was his best friend, but had more in common with her. We’ve been together for over 30 years. We were very passionate early on and I thought we had chemistry back then. We got married after all, but I guess people forget and/or change. I don’t understand why people can’t get that back. Kinda “throwing the baby out with the bath water”. I wish him all the best and hope he finds what he’s looking for. I’m moving on with love and gratitude💔

[beautyforless]

I can't agree more. Chemistry is a feeling of the moment and is not a solid enough foundation for a long term commitment

[corprins]

looks /chemistry will attract you to a person
compatibility and having similar goals and values will make you stay together.
married for 19 years and she sure didnt have any chemistry towards me she actually really didnt like me at all.
but we worked together and thats how we got together.
so i dont believe in finding soulmate.
i believe in finding that someone that completes you and makes you whole

[shaunahilton]

Chemistry, compatibility, communication, patience and being at the same stage in life. Accept your partner for who they are and take time to enjoy each other and spending time together. After 2 failed long term relationships I found the one and these things I found are key.

[USSResolute]

Lasting relationships, whatever their nature, are best built on common ground. Most people take this to mean shared interest in music, movies, or recreational activities. As meaningful as those things may be, it's far more important to share principles, values, and a vision of the future- where you want to go and how you want to influence your world, together. You can have a "relationship" without compatibility, but it will only last if you're also a good fit. -me

[zhmma]

I agree that friendship is the best foundation to build on. However, in a relationship I need great chemistry. And usually this chemistry is either there from the start or not at all. So for me, first comes the chemistry and then the reason I'd stay in the relationship is compatibility and friendship built in time.

[miloudivyne]

This was me and my ex we had great chemistry but definitely not compatible. 10 years later we broke up and it was painful but also very enlightening. I wish I seen this video years ago lol but It's all good I have no regrets! It was a lesson I will never forget.