The worst part about being the scapegoat to a narcissistic abuser

The worst part about being the scapegoat child to the narcissistic parent is what it feels like to be in this role. Today's video discusses the grim reality faced by the scapegoated child who has no adult to comfort him or her. I also talk about how to come to terms with this particular form of emotional trauma in your recovery.

A link to my online course to Recover from Narcissistic Abuse:

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Private Facebook Support Group that Accompanies the Online Course:

Here is the Recovery from narcissistic abuse playlist:

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[shawnmarie]

As a child I remember feeling homesick while being at home.

[lizzyagatha]

there was never anyone to turn to. no comfort, I thought it was normal

[rw]

Going to my mother was a last resort & always made me feel more devastated and shame filled.

[missyk]

Yup we scapegoats go through feelings of depression, ptsd, loneliness, disconnected, unloved, low self worth 24/7.. very painful existence

[realhealing]

In a narcissistic family, I was alone. Narcissists can't provide any comfort to their children. I am no contact with my toxic family. I am done. Time for me to heal from all the damage done by my family.

[eyrctut]

My life- long question has been “why?”. At 52, I finally figured it out. It’s because my parents were narcissists. It was never about me.

[vuokkorusso]

As a child I felt so unworthy that when I was doing my night prayers I asked God to take me home.He was my only hope.

[sunshinereggae]

The rage you described was my father. My mother the enabler and a covert narcissist by herself. Had literally nobody I could trust. The loneliness is what almost kills you inside.

[Paspaspas]

Children of narcs learn to grow up quick, because they understand they really are on their own.

[williamdemarrais]

.i never felt any love and protection in my life. I am always anxious

[goldieh]

To everyone in the comments going through profound loneliness, anxiety and depression, my heart goes out to you. I want to say something magical to make it all go away, but I know I can't. Just know it's okay to be there for yourself. Even when you feel alone, you deserve to treat yourself with compassion, understanding and acceptance.

[TheCatzMeowMix]

The Narcissist Prayer…

“That Didn’t Happen.”
If it “Did Happen”… it “Wasn’t That Bad.
If it “Was That Bad”… is “Wasn’t a Big Deal.”
If it “Was a Bid Deal”… “It’s Not My Fault.”
If it “Was My Fault”… “I Didn’t Mean it.”
If “I Did Mean it… You Deserved it!”
- Author Unknown.

[snowstormonsat]

I had two evil malignant parents, NO LOVE of any kind. Somehow?? I turned out to be caring and empathetic. Searching for love all my life, I've only ever found covert narcissists, like a curse! WTF am I doing here? I have so much love and would love nothing more than a real connection with a real human being. Turning 50 this week hurts my heart, spending it alone. Almost wanting to give up but still hanging on to a sliver of hope. God put me here for a reason, God please reveal what that is so my life can have meaning and purpose and so I didn't suffer for nothing.

[annekenney]

The narcissistic parent not only uses the scapegoat as a dumping grounds, but he/she makes the child his/her parent to soothe him/her. My mother didn't have empathy, so she would ask me why my father was upset about something that she had done. Because I have empathy, I would explain his point of view, and then, feeling that she wasn't the superior one in this situation, she would say something awful to me "to put me in my place, ' not allowing me to have some pride in my wisdom. I see that now, but at the time, I was at first proud of myself and then crestfallen. After her insult, I wondered what I would have to do to be loved and appreciated. I didn't understand that I was dealing someone who was actually more immature than I, as a child, was.

[dancinginthepurplereign]

At 6 years old, I was alone, I just remember sitting alone, head bowed.
Some friends stole my playing stones and I told my mom, my mom blamed me for it.

I still remember those exact feeling of shame and worthlessness.

I never went to my parents for comfort because they would manipulate me to take on more and more abuse. My dad, who was the perceived nicer narcissist, gaslit me all the time.

I felt rejected. I still really have deep feelings of rejection. And insecurity.

[starrystarrynight]

Absolutely. I'm 50 and had been scapegoated since I can remember. That pain never left me. I was the point multiple times as a child that I thought I wasn't real, or that I was born in the wrong place and time. I was having existential crisis since I was 4 or 5. I don't think people who were never scapegoated can grasp how extremely painful and lonely it is.

[jayneweaver]

I've often wondered who would I have become if I had a parent that told me she loved me and thought well of me? Instead from the time I can remember she hit me, told me "you are ugly" "no ONE likes you" "I don't like you" "I wish you were never born" "if you do that again I'll knock your teeth down your throat" I was 4 years old when I first remember. Imagine saying these thing to anyone let alone a child. "we expect that from you it's not a big deal" when I came home with straight A's.

[dbabbit]

"Being in a maze and running into dead ends" summarizes my narcissistic relationships with my entire family. Lord, but I felt that. 🤕 I am stuck at not trusting anyone to come into my space. My dogs wag their tails and jump and welcome me home everytime I come back home from running errands... That's more than anything I ever got from walking through the door knowing there was a narc behind it, even before I knew what narcissism was.

[TejubescDM]

I've felt immense lonelines due to abuse at home and bullying and isolation at school. I was 14, when old man in the bus said: "she looks as if everyone abandoned her." He saw me for first time and read it through me. I've identified so much with my loneliness, I thought I am just that way. I' ve always felt: if there is 10 people in the room, I will be the one left alone. If there is 100 people, I still will be alone. I didn't know why though. But now I see, I was extremaly emotionally neglected and carrying that shame, I couldn't do spontaneous interactions. People felt that, but didn't know the cause, so they just ignored me. I've thought that everyone will eventually betray me or make me a scapegoat, so I've gave up trying to have friendships or relationships. But doing the inner work, I am realizing how false my beliefs were.

[kellyyork]

I was and still am a scapegoat even though I’m a healthy and successful adult. I’ve learned to get comfort from being out in nature and from animals/pets.