Religious Cults Produce Damaged People Who Don’t Know Who They Are

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Not all childhood trauma comes in the form of neglect or physical abuse. One of the most insidious forms of trauma is when parents brainwash children to override their own common sense – to ignore what their eyes and ears tell them, to live in fear, and to live under the constant threat of ostracization for breaking an impossible set of rules. In this video I respond to a woman who has mostly extricated herself from an abusive religious cult, but is still mentally trapped by in a belief she must stay with her abuser.

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[luisacordero]

I’m a cult survivor after over 22 years in a very high demand religious cult, and this channel has been a very instrumental part of my healing. Thank you!

[journeyspencer]

Anna,
I would love to share my experience here, but it's so big! I wouldn't know where to begin. A father who bounced me off walls until I passed out, sexually assaulted me, beat me, humiliated me publicly, belittled me, shamed me etc. A mother that blamed me for being "the other woman" in her marriage, neglected me, chose my abuser over me, etc. Both were narcissists. And both raised me in the jw cult. I was molested by an elder, treated as an outcast bc I didn't keep silent about the abuse. I wasn't allowed to have worldly friends and was deemed bad association within the cult. I was socially isolated. Married the first jw I could. I started having extreme meltdowns in my 30's. Ended up in a mental health ward where I was misdiagnosed and my mother tried to have me put in a group home for people with borderline. It took time but I'm free now. Cost me everything, literally. But I'm free, and happy now. My therapist says my abuse was the worst she's heard of in her career. But I'm strong. I know what's wrong. I've worked hard to learn coping skills and learn what's normal. My nightmare is over. But the memories don't soften.

[Littlexlittle.]

Jehovah's Witness. There I said it. I grew up this way too. I remember how lonely I felt when I told them I wasn't going to be involved during the pandemic. They all abandoned the relationship, because the "end times" were coming and I wasn't going to be part of His kingdom. Makes me never trust religious people with the end goal only being recruitment.

[chrisberger]

Also, people with abusive backgrounds are attacted to cults as adults, because they supply all the answers and give you an in-group. This happened to my aunt in the 1970's; she dissapered for 15 years and retured out of the blue with 5 children from her "spiritual" huband, escaping an abusive enviornment. My cousins have 72 half-silbings.

[DanysOrchidsSoCA]

From your description of some aspects of the cult, I am pretty sure that was the same one I was born into. I will not describe the psychological abuse due to the unrealistic expectations, mental pressure, manipulation, overly restrictive rules, ever-present surveillance and judgement, the fear of punishment, the feeling of unworthiness, the loneliness... Everything was a sin. Whatever you did to please was never enough. Being a woman meant you had always to obey to men without question. You could not have friends outside the church. And in the church you were constantly watched and spied on. The omnipresent 'God' would constantly look into your inner thoughts and feelings and judge you, even if you didn't actually do anything against the rules. There were no holidays, Christmas, birthdays, and even normal parties were frown upon cause having fun was also discouraged.

On top of that, I was subject of daily violent outbursts from a mother who was always angry, depressed, and over-manipulative. Physical abuse was the norm and I was always full of bruises. My father just added its beatings. Sometimes I would pass out because of hard blows to my head. One day my mother slammed me into the wall and almost chocked me with her hands at my throat and her eyes popping out of her head for the fury of her outburst of anger. There are many more things that were happening, but I'll digress. This is just a small part of what I had to endure for decades...

This is to say that you are not alone. I hope you can recover and make your life happier.
The only way I could do so was to leave the cult, cut all contacts with my parents, and leave a marriage I was forced into in the church. I still deal with the consequences of what happened to me. But my life is much better now.

[aspieangel]

I grew up Mormon (LDS) and growing up they taught Christian values but in the past few years they brought in cultish beliefs such as self reliance, self love, rejecting those with mental illness, disabilities and problems and are now teaching to reject toxic people instead of helping them to heal, they are now labeling certain people as problem dumpers, saying to lift ourselves up, saying that if we rely on God we aren’t saved, saying that we are to build our own foundation upon Jesus instead of building upon Jesus’s foundation because he’s the rock, saying only self reliance and world earns us heaven, saying we have to be qualified, ect; none of this crap used to be taught. From 1975-2018 the church was Christian but once prophet monson died, Oaks and other church leaders started teaching false things. Prophet Nelson has tried to correct these false teachings but he gave up because nobody was listening to him. He always says follow God and Jesus Christ but nobody’s listening. Only Uchdorf and Nelson appear to be Christian. The other leaders teach false crap that was never taught. I have left and became inactive. Until the church becomes Christian again, I’m never going back. I’m a spiritualist now. I still believe in God and read my Book of Mormon as a guide but I mostly read my Bible because it brings me comfort. The Book of Mormon doesn’t really bring me comfort, it just clarifies things the Bible says. I avoid D&C and Pearl of Great Price unless I need to look up something. Technically I’m still LDS, I’m just inactive and mostly spiritual now. I’m not religious and I don’t consider myself Christian because Christianity has also become corrupt. I can’t follow religions I feel no longer follow God so I’m a spiritualist now for private worship but yes cultish beliefs can cause you to doubt who you are. I have been getting bullied by other Mormons and even Christian’s and Jews for my spiritual beliefs. They tell me I’m deceived and going to hell. I don’t even care. It’s their problem. My Muslim friends however love me dearly and told me I’ll be blessed by God and that all autistic people go to heaven in Islam (or so I was told) so I take comfort in that. I’m not Muslim but I feel comforted knowing there’s a group of people who believe in me. ❤

[walkerhumphrey]

Grew up in the South and I already know where this is going

[gaia]

My childhood 😢 sounds like Jehovahs witnesses

[aranismartinez]

They don't have kids, it's the best time to separate and heal...so if she wants kids..it could be in a healthy relationship cause if not there'll be more people unhappy in this story 👁️

[RC]

This womans traumatic story reminds me of the similarities form the book THE HANDMAIDS TALE, the form of being a slave

[fiction]

I married at 20 to escape my abusive family and left him at 27, after I had a terrible car accident and he was not there for me at all. Demanded I should keep mothering him from the hospital bed. It took me 1 year to get back to work and out of the wheel chair. In the end, i was physically ruined, financially broke, in a 1 room apartment with my cat. And after getting those keys, I would lay on the floor and felt free! Nobody nagging on me, demanding sex, putting me down with words! I was FREE from living with abusors for the first time in my life. I remember it clearly. I never regretted leaving at all.
I can only recommend every person who gets abused in their marriage, to leave. Leave, leave, leave. You can do it. Get help. Get a friend involved, get a doctor involved, a group, an organization.... whatever you need. Just go and be free and you will blossom like a flower, I promise you that. 🌷

[tannsolo]

Any TENNESSEE followers of Crappy Childhood Fairy who do the daily practice and want to get together?

[FritoPendejo]

Lol, my exact experience and feelings!

EDIT: OK. It started off the same, but quickly took a very different route...

[clonejones]

Religious zealotry is a scourge.Truly awful people deluding themselves into thinking they are virtuous.

[Noemi-um]

The only non-stigmatised mental health diagnosis is PTSD. Because soldiers get it. It's the only one that's seen as primarily a normal reaction to an environmental stressor, not as a weakness or flaw in the sufferer. Meanwhile, women suffering from chronic childhood trauma get diagnosed as having pathological 'personalities' rather than normal reactions to extreme trauma.

[joyslove]

Welp, Jehovah's Witnesses is my first thought. How do I know? We are now 5 generations on both sides of my family. Being a good person or Christian is not rocket science. I've re-read my Bible without the lens of the literature. Life is challenging and faith is important. High control is abusive.

[rmguest]

I grew up in the Catholic Church and whether it's being told from the pulpit, in the confessional, or in the classroom, telling a young child that they're going to roast in Hell for eternity for committing a mortal sin, is an abuse! I can't begin to tell you how long I was in therapy to rid myself of the shame and guilt I was experiencing!

[ssh-jqov]

Wow, I am so happy more people are recognizing religious cults. This sounds 100% like Jehovahs Witnesses. I was born and raised as one unfortunately. It definitely messes you up. I’m trying to physically leave my family but it’s hard… It’s NOT the truth. Thank you for this video! ❤

[Ashley-vbcn]

Thank you Anna for reading and answering my letter. Im Ashley. I wrote this in July 2023. I will admit I felt sick to my stomach when I realized you were reading my story yesterday. I'm still married, still having daily flashbacks, still living as roommates, still trying to keep myself distracted, busy, overeating, overdrinking, oversleeping, and overspending.

I would like to make a couple clarifications:
1. I do not feel endangered physically with my husband. In our 20 years of marriage there were only a handful of physically violent altercations and I was the instigator. Im ashamed of how out of control I was. I didnt know how to control my rage and his avoidance, so I would grab his arm and pinch him. A couple of times he hit me back. That has not happened in over a decade.

2. My biggest fear is finances and I feel like dirt for admitting that out loud. Basically Im using him to stay more comfortable financially. I look at other women who have the courage to walk away and I have so much respect for these people. I clearly do not love or respect myself enough and I prefer this quiet desperation over the unknown and uncertainty of doing life on a single income. I am not college educated and I do menial work and everything feels so overwhelming...but I know Im just prolonging my and his misery by hitting snooze on my Ground Hog Day life.

3. When I wrote in I thought maybe you'd give some tips on how to stop having flashbacks. Lol...yeah...I gotta overhaul my life to have that! My husband is a good person...I just feel like we were 2 cult kids who got entangled in a very unhealthy way and the foundation of our marriage is something I do forgive, but my body simply cannot forget. The religion and specific Bible scriptures really imprinted on me that divorce is an abomination...but Im trying to release that. I dont judge other people who get divorced, so why do I make it so horrible for me?

Yes...the terror of abandonment melange is rising up as I think about having the absolutely necessary conversation with my husband. I will start doing the daily practice today and look into joining the group you mentioned.

Thank you for everything you do Anna. Making decisions is hard...in some ways being in a cult is easier because decisions are made for you...but prison is the same way of living and I dont want to squander my gift of freedom.

[sarahgerman]

This description of the Jehovah’s Witness system of operation is so accurate. I went through a similar thing. The JWs see everything in black-and-white: either you are in the “Truth” or you are Satanic. You speak up against your abuser and you are brought before a council of elders (old men), judged, and disfellowshipped for 2 years. My sister married a JW who repulsed her, feeling that she could not break another engagement. (She had previously been hastily engaged to another guy she barely knew.) The prohibition against higher education has had a long lasting effect in my life. I have severed all family ties for the sake of my sanity. Good luck to all who escape cults! Well done.