My FIRST Full-Blown Manic Episode | Bipolar Diagnosis Story | Psychosis

This is the story of my first full-blown manic episode and my diagnosis with bipolar 1.

I also talk about the triggers that could have brought out my bipolar and the psychosis that takes over during this episode.

-Jess

[tonymedina]

I drove 110mph on highway and it felt like 50mph. Just could not get enough of that mania feeling. I was also arrested during manic episode and police took me to jail instead of the hospital. In jail my angry “manic” out bursts led to having my water shut off. I was forced to drink toilet water for 15hrs and given no food, clothes, medication or basic human care. I was so crazy angry that I wrote “f*** you” with feces backwards (so they could read from other side) on the large window. The sheriff’s were so appalled and intrigued that they took pictures.

I was wrongfully arrested for two days until posting $2, 000 bail on false charges that were eventually dismissed after 7 court dates (two years). I received no treatment, assistance or simple apology while losing two days of my life and $2, 000 for my manic episode. I’m just blessed the police didn’t shoot and kill me during the episode like many others who lose their lives every single day. Mania can be deadly so please take medication or see a psychiatrist because my depression (crash) lasted 3 months. Sorry, just being completely honest and I never knew I was bipolar until last month…God Bless!

[thinkingjohn]

Reminds me of my full blown manic episode in 2007 that had me hospitalized for 1 month, scary stuff it could have ended badly I cringe thinking about the crazy things I did at the time given I am normally very quiet and introverted and stick to myself

[FitnessWithMellyMel]

It's not just genetic - it can be brought on by extreme life circumstances. Love your content, keep going!

[mrfake]

I made hundreds of pieces of art. Started shoplifting compulsively. Cheated on girlfriend. Gambled huge sums of money. Lost my girlfriend. Lost my money. Lost my stressors and bad diet sleep hygiene pushed me over the edge

[marisaschmutz]

I have fully healed from rapid cycling bipolar 2 disorder over the last 4 years. I’ve basically been alone in bed at home, 15 hours of trauma therapy per week over ZOOM and 12 step SLAA, ACA and coda meetings. I’ve also fully healed from PCOS and asthma. It’s A LOT OF WORK and I had to go no contact with my entire narcissistic family. But I’ve survived 🙏

[SharonDrummond-byof]

Avoidance because of embarrassment and the feelings of judgements from others i kept it all inside for years it's so helpful hearing other people's stories

[AsiaaDanielle]

My husband just had his first manic episode last month and was in a very serious car accident because of it 🥺 he’s been refusing to get evaluated and it’s so hard to deal with. He’s such a different person in this state.

[oscarfletcher-nxuf]

Hi, I have bipolar type 1. I'm a 26 year old man from Australia and was diagnosed seven months ago after a manic episode spiralled into a psychosis.

I'd had a crappy childhood with a not-so-great home life. Poverty, most weeks ended with going hungry, violence at home. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 11, but the medication induced suicidal thoughts, and that scared me off from trying them again for a long while. I really enjoyed hanging with friends and playing video games, I liked art and music but never really tried developing my talents. I think I escaped into games so I could distract myself from my often low moods.

At 17 I'd dropped out of high school due to bullying and difficulty keeping up with schoolwork. Mental health issues and a lack of opportunity prevented me from finding work. This persisted over the years and I developed a strong sense of apathy and resignation that my life was heading into a gutter. I started to feel emotionally numbed, but I figured it was better than feeling sad and hopeless.

A stroke of luck meant I moved to a city at the age of 22 with my family, but had difficulty finding and keeping a job. My mother passed away from cancer after I turned 23, which tore me up for a while. I managed to get a qualification from a local college after I was diagnosed with ADHD and started the stimulant medications. I started feeling better about myself and figured I'd try dating. Being a broke loser and all, I didn't have much luck, but I had a couple of short lived relationships.

All of this had some worsening effects on my mood and mental health. I had a turbulent relationship with my sister, fell for someone I shouldn't have and experienced my first real heartbreak. After my sister landed a job and ditched me, I was 25, alone, and hadn't spoken to friends from my old town in years.

I figured it was up to me to get my life together, so I figured I'd try to get my high school equivalent so I'd stop feeling bad about it. I was about halfway through it when I played this game called Depression Quest, and it made it kind of glaringly obvious how bad my depression was and what I should do to help myself. So I went to a doctor and got a prescription for antidepressants.

Months went by, I started feeling like I was maybe getting better. I messaged old friends and started reconnecting, got back into drawing, made some new friends. I developed a bit of a crush on this chick I met, but it turned out she had a boyfriend.

And then the mania kicked in.
At first it was fine, for the first week or so. I felt the clouds of depression part, figured the antidepressants were working. I had motivation, I was talking to new people effortlessly. I was drawing more, I felt more confident. I felt like the old me, from before life wore me down and crushed me.

Then I was having trouble sleeping. I called a friend at 2am because I was worried he was going to kill himself. Then I felt so confident I was hitting on random women in the street. I got numbers, I had to deal with a pissed off boyfriend once. I found it amusing. I uhh hit on someone while she was working, which I feel reeeaaaally stupid about now. I got a tattoo, a brand of sacrifice from berserk.

And then, after a week and a half of all this, I got it into my head that I was going to confess my love to the chick I had a crush on who had a boyfriend. I told literally all of my friends I was going to, and then I did it. She didn't take it well, understandably. That sent me from the heights of euphoria down straight into despair.

It was almost like all the quiet background processes of my mind that I normally barely notice had been ramped up, expanded, and given a higher authority over my mind than the usual things like reason or criticality, or self questioning. I became extremely credulous and gullible to my own thoughts. My pattern recognition became so intense and pronounced, I could give a full speech on how a guitar amp and a larynx were effectively the same thing, and I'd completely and uncritically accept it as more true than any other way of looking at it the second it occurred to me.

So my spiralling response to being rejected and chastised was to assume her boyfriend was going to kill me. I hid in a mcdonalds for three hours and lost track of the time, asked random people for help, couldn't stop talking or slow down my speech. I got kicked out of a grocery store, and when I figured I'd risk it and walk home, a bunch of guys I'd asked for help from earlier figured it'd be funny to rev their car up behind me and yell out, "You're a dead man!" and send me fleeing into the trees at 1am.

It's really not fun being stuck gullible with maxed out fear and paranoia, convinced with certainty that you need to hide from every possible car at night as you make your way home on foot after getting lost in strange suburbs by sprinting through random back streets for 30 minutes straight. I'm pretty imaginative, and I was stuck thinking about what they were going to do to me if they got me in the trunk of their car.

I did call the police while I hid in someone's back yard, but once they arrived they asked me if I was on drugs and refused to give me a ride home.

After 2 hours of psychotic hide and seek from traffic, I got home but I was so wired and paranoid I couldn't sleep. I was convinced that chick's boyfriend had organised hunting patrols to look for me. I closed all my curtains and barricaded my doors with dragged furniture, and just sat with my back to a wall holding a samurai sword in case someone knocked on my door.

After about 3 days of peeking out the curtains, not sleeping and barely eating, I figured I'd flee to a hotel room downtown. I blew about $400 on it, proceeded to message and alienate almost every new friend I'd made whike studying, and then walked on over to the nearest police station who listened to me before handing me over to their mental health unit, who transported me to the emergency room.

Once I got there, I was admitted to the psych ward two days before my 26th birthday, and the doctors diagnosed me with acute mania, psychosis, and after a differential involving questions to myself and friends, diagnosed me with bipolar type 1.

I was taken off my stimulants and antidepressants, put on lithium and an antipsychotic, and proceeded to spend the next full month feeling completely terrible and worried about all the crap I'd done. I knew I was very unwell, but couldn't tell whether someone had actually tried to kill me until I realised some guys outside mcdonald's thought it'd be funny.

The hospital food was alright, the beds were uncomfortable, the shower's water pressure sucked and I wasn't allowed to bring in my game console. I also had barely anything to do but eat so I put on a lot of weight, which I'm still struggling to lose.

The staff were mostly pretty nice. After I was released, I got bored and went back to study. But I realised the load was too much, especially without ADHD meds, and withdrew from the course.

Since then, I sought treatment for depression in conjunction with my bipolar medication, and after a few months of trialling medications I found one that actually works with the only annoying side effect being a bottomless appetite. Not great, but I'll take it over depression's inability to enjoy things, constantly feeling sad, and diminished capacity to do things.

I also just started a new ADHD medication a bit under two weeks ago, one I should be able to take despite having bipolar. It causes a bit of nauseau for now, and it was disrupting my sleep before my doctor changed it to morning ingestion instead of night.

I had started another load of study, but recently I realised I just don't enjoy it for now, and I'm switching my efforts to find part-time work I'm capable of doing, since I've been doing volunteering after I got out of hospital and got my manager as a reference.

I still get ups and downs for my mood. They're nowhere near as bad as it was when I was unmedicated, and overall I actually feel okay for first time in a long time. I think I'll stay away from romance for quite a while, it makes me feel pretty volatile and after all that crap I'm kinda ehh. I think I'll try to get on my feet first.

Thank you for reading my story. If you're struggling with bipolar, it's all right. There is hope and you're not irreparably broken. Also, don't listen to people who don't need meds and are trying to convince you that you don't need them either. If you hate the side effects you're getting, you're allowed to express that to your treating team and negotiate alternative dosages or medications to make the treatment bearable for you.

[martyna______]

I get it. I am diagnosed with bipolar II. It also started when my psychiatrist added new antidepressant and I thought it was finally working. I didn't see it at that time, but it absolutely triggered a hypomania episode. I broke up with my boyfriend of over 4 years, moved out, changed my job and lost a ton of money on just going out. It's also really hard to talk about it because I feel like that was the darkest time of my life, a time when I felt great but was not my usual careful self. I pay for it to this day over 3 years later. I also become paranoid sometimes when I just feel good or when I do something spontaneous because I fear going into hypomania again and not realizing it and ruining my life.

[MakeupMobster]

I can’t imagine how scary this all is when your mind is basically playing tricks on you. I can’t imagine this. Thank you for sharing your story.

[malgorzatamaher]

I have bipolar 1 also and I so appreciate you sharing your story with us all, we need more courageous people like you speaking about bipolar 1 which is so much misunderstood in the world, getting better slowly, but we definitely need more awareness about this brain and psychiatric illness. Love your video. Thanks.

[NoniSaro]

I was diagnosed as bi polar when I was 16. My parents were more embarrassed by my behavior than interested in getting me help, which led to a terrifying summer spent rapid cycling, experiencing psychotic breaks, feeling my mind unraveling and becoming less sane every day. Home life was was not only unsupportive but physically abusive, but they told me they would call the police if I tried to kill myself, so ultimately, in the throes of an extreme manic swing, I faked it. It worked, and I got the help I needed. Parents... PLEASE take care of your children. Mental health is never something you should punish a child for! It's not their fault!

[claymac]

You look amazing for your age. I was shocked when you said you went to college over 20 years ago.

[leahmadalyn]

OMG! We soooo need to talk. I am so glad to hear this. My story is so tough...
SSRI's activated my 1st psychotic episode. I experienced Sleep deprivation, weird thoughts, the "Devil" after me, "my husband poisoning my food", the paranoia I suffered constantly, impulsive buying, had to leave my job (thought they were putting drugs in the kids food) couldn't tell anyone because I thought they would kill me. :(
I was a missing person for 5 days!!! Ambulance found me running at 4 am in traffic I was put on a hold for 3 days then 1 month later self admitted to a psych ward for 6 days. It is a cleanse!!! I hated it but it was necessary. I rested and took anti psychotics and ativan .
Looking back, I could have died during my manic episode. I have a photo of myself and I looked so terrible in the hospital bed. I mean really beat up!
**back track: I woke up in the ER and they had to put me back to sleep (anesthesia) I experienced audio hallucinations and was convinced that they were going to put me in someone else's body. TV show "BEHIND HER EYES"
This is such a choppy version of my story... I believed AI's were after me and for some reason that people were body jumping so entering each other's bodies. old movie "Fallen" Denzel Washington. (So so weirrrrd.) OUR BRAINS ARE COMPUTERS, IF IT DOES NOT RESET (SLEEP) IT WILL CREATE NARRATIVES, GO INTO OVER DRIVE AND AN 'ELECTRICAL FIRE' HAPPENS IN THE BRAIN so to speak...

Sum it all up:Nov. 2022 I was diagnosed with bipolar I.
I am understanding myself so much more but I may also delete this as it is still hard to share on the internet. So much more to my story. You are awesome for sharing this!!! thank u.

[pattysouza]

A friend from high school developed this illness and it was after we had gone on with our lives. I served in the Army and she joined the Navy. Her Mother contacted me and explained what happened as she was discharged from the Navy was preaching to everyone whether they wanted to hear or listen. Her Mother asked me when she would go back to being herself and I felt so sorry for her and my friend. I felt like she hadn't been told exactly what was happening and she was waiting for her to return to normal. I moved to another part of the country and I don't know what happened to her.

[RichieGB]

Thank you for your story. My wife is in her first manic episode right now, and stories like yours are helping me process and understand a lot. Thank you

[Fox]

A genuine heartfelt thank you for posting this! I just received this diagnosis 5 days ago. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anyone who knew what to do. So blessed that your father was there! I’m okay now. This diagnosis has answered a lot of questions. Your video helped me a lot!

[margaretdevery]

Wow, it takes courage to investigate such a rapid change in your own personality. So many sufferers, because this afflicts some very intelligent people, slip through the cracks, try to self-medicate, & wind up devastating themselves & others around them

[facundo]

I felt you when you said you feel like you have lived 2 different lifes before and after the episode. I went from the “popular” kid at high school very extrovert, social and active to the opposite. I finally feel like getting back to myself even though we are in constant change.
Thank you for sharing, it makes you strong that you are able to show your vulnerability.
Blessings 🌼

[xl]

Your video reminds me the old days of my bipolar, which is so different from what I'm going through recently. Now I didn't have mania since a long time ago, not feeling depressed most of the time and I was able to sleep well. But I have a lot of mini anxiety episode throughout the day and night. What bothers me most is the panic attack, often triggered God's presence. Thank you for sharing, it raised my awareness of my bipolar disorder.