8 Common Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family

Families are generally known to be the people you can lean on during tough times and have open disagreements without feeling attacked or judged. At the end of the day, they are the ones you can rely on and you know that you will always love each other through thick and thin. But, what about those of us who come from dysfunctional families?

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[clarelewis]

I hate when parents don't realize that they're emotionally abusive and blame you not talking to them or getting pissed at them on you and try to guilt trip you for it.

[lajellybeans]

Your kid shouldn’t be relieved to know you are not home.

Your kid shouldn’t think “here comes the screaming” or brace themselves for the worse when you are in a bad mood. Your kid shouldn’t run to their room and close the door the moment you get home from work because they are afraid that you will yell at them due to you being stressed about work. Your kid shouldn’t have to double lock their journals up because they are scared you might read it? Your kid shouldn’t feel more comfortable staying over a friend’s house or being outdoors than being home with you. Your kid shouldn’t feel nervous when being near you because they are scared that you might hurt them. Your kid shouldn’t be scared of you.

Your kid shouldn’t be scared of the thought of you.

Edit: I decided to watch this video again, and WHOA! So many notes and likes!! I’m glad my message was relatable and comforting to some of you. Those of us who survived living with abusive parents are strong af!!

[Cat-yism]

It's so weird to me to think that people actually talk to their parents for emotional support. Or to think that people's parents actually taught them to indulge in their emotions. Mine just taught me that anger is for immature people, crying is what attention whores use, and sadness shouldn't be openly expressed. Oh but of course if my father was angry it was always okay.

[anayoutube]

I gave up on my family. They don’t listen, and if I need emotional help I can’t go to them because I’ll most likely get in trouble for over reacting

[porqueno]

"What methods have you tried to bring the family back together?"

Me: *laughs*

[SpringOhEight]

Way too many parents have kids so they can have someone around to "look after them when they're old." Horrible thing to burden a child with from birth, esp. if they resent you, yet feel obligated to do so. My parents tend to guilt trip me and say stuff like, "I brought you into this world, therefore you HAVE to look after me and buy me a house etc because I'm your mother" I'm not saying to disrespect your parents but respect is earned and goes both ways. I don't owe you anything because YOU decided to give birth to me, if I love you then I'll do it out of love, not obligation and resentment.

[lateniteamearlymornpm]

For those who don't know, just because someone is related (aka having similar DNA) to you it doesn't mean you're obligated or have to put up with whatever attitude they throw at you. It's ok to cut off your own family when you're able to, you can always make the family you deserve whether it is of friends, adopted kids, etc. The honest truth is that many dysfunctional families may not change even after moving away from them.

[NidgeDFX]

I agree. My family needed its own tv show.

[BAVy]

"What methods have you tried to bring the family back together?"
Well, my method involves getting a job with a stable income, leaving and not communicating with them ever again
At least with my parents

[happyblue]

Now it's clear why people just drop everything and disappear into oblivion to start over. Wish I'd done it years ago.

[cosmicqueen]

If I showed my mother this she's just scream at me and throw me out.

[jedihakan]

Unfortunately, millions of people who should not have a child, make lots of them. Modern families are trying to teach these values to their children "how to be more selfish", "you have to do anything to get money/position and if requirements to get a position/money are not acceptable from society, satisfy these requirements secretly", "follow a certain life pattern, never try to be an individual because if you fail you will be cast out from society", "do not care anything except by yourself", "we are living in a wild jungle you need to survive at all cost" etc. These principles lead us to the generation of today. The core of the society is family. Individualism, consumerism, the increased appetite, and arrogance of humanity destroy this core. Source of all the problems in societies comes from the core. In order to develop and improve ourselves, we need to make mistakes. I can understand this but corrupting and destroying everything around us is a big mistake. Every individual should note that "to have a child also means have a huge responsibility".

[TheMedicatedArtist]

God, literally everyone in my family pulls that conditional love crap. The second you piss them off, they cut off all communication until A) you apologize or B) they need help. Oh, but don’t expect any help back unless that family member gets something out of it.

Can’t wait til I can find a job, move out, and never talk to my family again.

Edit: Lack of intimacy and poor communication are definitely major problems in my family.

[fulmajdb]

My mom is always yelling and arguing. Now, I know I'm not perfect but she makes an argument out of everything. When I walk home from the bus stop I hope that my mom isn't home so I don't have to deal with all of her anger. Sometimes I just like to be alone but she forces me to spend time with the family. It's not that I don't like my family it's just that I have to see and listen to them argue all day. It's tiring. My mom never listens to anything I say and never believes me. She always forgets that I'm a human being with an opinion. I don't really talk to her about personal things and she gets upset about it. It's just so hard to talk to her. She always thinks I have an attitude even when I don't...Also, is it normal for your mom to go through your phone and look at everything?

[emilyslaton]

If you’re under 18 and you have to live with a toxic family, please hang in there! When I moved out it got SO much better. Life is worth living! I used to be suicidal because my family was toxic like in the video. Now that I have moved out I’ve seen that life is definitely worth living. It helps in the meantime to find someone outside the family like a close friend to lean on for emotional support

[sidistic]

I enjoy the plant on the child's head.

[sparrowhawk]

*8 common characteristics of a dysfunctional family:*
1. Addition
2. Perfectionism
3. Abuse
4. Unpredictable and Fear
5. Conditional Love
6. Lack of Boundaries
7. Lack of Intimacy
8. Poor Communication


You're welcome

[TheCosmicPrism]

When my family go nuts sometimes because of an argument or fighting over something I (maybe not a good idea) most of the time go to my bedroom and act like I'm busy and put on my headphones and act like I didn't hear them when they ask me who is right and who is wrong

[randomvideos]

I think the worst part is, by the time you realise you're family aren't always looking out for you or love you the way you love them, you're already shattered into a million pieces.

[elliotisntreal]

I hope this gets lost in the comments.
I grew up with a toxic, manipulative sociopath in my house at nearly all times. I would walk home by myself, speed up when I got to our road just to be dragged down by the sight of his car in the drive. I heard him screaming almost every day about the smallest things my brother did wrong, to the point where I'm not sure if it got physical. I was too young to understand, but I have faded memories of hiding alone under my bed whenever that happened.
I was so afraid of him that at school, I would call him Mr Hyde, just because of his violent mood swings and constant abuse. What made it worse was that I would be woken up by the sound of my brother crying in the middle of the night, and couldn't do anything about it.
I hate even the thought of emotionally opening up to anyone I know. It seems like an alien concept, and it seems strange to me that people actually have proper conversations with their parents. Most people I know either have separated parents, one or both have alcohol addictions, their parents are abusive or they have helicopter parents. It seems like this generation has more toxic parents than decent ones, huh.