Why Don't Japanese Tell Their True Feelings? #Shorts

“本音 HONNE" refers to words that come from the heart or true feelings, while "建前 TATEMAE" refers to public thoughts. It is essential in Japan to be able to distinguish Honne and Tatemae in communication.

For example, when refusing something, Japanese people will often say "I will think about it" or "I will consider it" instead of saying "NO" directly.

Tatemae is sometimes considered to be the same as lying, but strictly speaking, the purpose is different. A lie is basically a bad thing that you tell to others to deceive them, but Tatemae is used to communicate with others while respecting each other’s differences without making them uncomfortable.

In a collectivist island nation like Japan, it is believed that such a culture was born because people were expected to interact peacefully with others without getting into trouble.

I hear many people say that “Tatemae is scary because I don't know what Japanese people are really thinking." But there is nothing to be afraid of because they are just conveying their feelings in an offhand way to avoid direct conflict.

Also, in some cases, they might speak “Honne” to facilitate communication, so it really depends on each person.

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#honne #tatemae #learningjapanese

[dhjeew]

"where is Padme, is she alright?"
"It's seems in your anger, you... killed her.."
" *I'LL THINK AAABOUT "

[Art-styi]

I think everyone does this without realising.

It like how in England, “how are you?” Isn’t a question, it’s a greeting. They don’t really want to know how you’re doing, they’re just being polite.

If someone is wearing an ugly outfit, you won’t point it out unless you are incredibly close, in which case you might advise them to swap their outfit, or just laugh with them about it.

[DaitoryuBlog]

Tatemae isn't such a foreign concept in my view - it's just applied to a certain extreme in Japan (like many, many other things). Rare are the cultures where people don't need to "put on a face" at some point in in life. The main difference in Japan is the ubiquity and depth; it's much more part of daily life, which consequently brought more subtlety to the practice.

[NiaJustNia]

As an autistic person who already struggles with people being passive aggressive and leaving vague hints that I miss, rather than directly saying what they want, this is a stressful concept.

[AdrianArgu]

It's similar in my country/culture. I'm in Southeast Asia (maritime/insular to be specific). You drop hints or give vague answers instead of flat out saying No. I guess it allows the other person to save face so that they weren't technically rejected.

[keaton]

Us french people are very frank. Which is something I really like about us. It allows us to immediately resolve most of our conflicts so that we don't stay mad and move on together. That's why I don't like Japanese tatemae, isn't it better to prevent that feeling of soreness from reaching our hearts ? Dunno, I think I may just be thinking too close-mindedly, or too french-like.
PS: Since I am not so good at english, I would really like it if some of you were to correct me ! :D

[elijahlingzhaozhong]

It is not just the Japanese but those who are shy also will have this kind of concept.

[vicca]

So lying is an expected interaction in Japanese culture. To an outsider like me this honestly seems really troublesome. The same thing is expected to happen in situations where "saving face" is the major concern from what I've learned.

It's still lying though. There are always ways to disagree without being rude while also telling the truth. Tatemae to most westerners would come off as being distant and unreliable.

[kaseywahl]

Oh Tatemae is like "Midwest nice" in the US.

Very pleasant face to face, and then judging each other behind their backs, haha

[KingofAwesomness]

See, i personally have a major problem with this. I won't speak about others or for others but I'd rather someone speak honestly to me. It's one of the things, despite my degree in Japanese, that i can't stand. but hey, that's just me.

[armorbearer]

I can see why some anime protagonists are dense to female affections. They have a difficult time distinguishing Tatemae from Honne.

[DingoTheDemon]

Western culture also does this, usually to spare the feelings of others. Like someone asks if you want to go out and you don't really feel like it but you say "sorry I actually have some stuff to do today." Although I reckon it's more common in western culture to push the person further and not necessarily assume it's a rejection.

[st.nise]

"avoid conflict". Oh gosh, no! I want conflict. I want to know if you have a problem with me. Conflict is healthier than just saying convenient things.

[jonatasfaustinomoraes]

It's a bit similar to Brazil. We have a bad time saying no to someone. For example, when invited to something and we don't want to go or we aren't sure, we say we're gonna see/think. But hardly we say no. When coming to feelings, what we feel towards someone we don't have that much trouble. Also if we don't like some food/place depending of the intimacy we won't say the truth or at least try our best to say we don't like in a very polite way as possible. Of course there are always exceptions among us

[AdeptGuidance]

Shogo, would you go more into depth on this topic? Would love a deeper video on this!

[ddenisehhoy]

I am so incredibly conflict avoidant I've been doing this my whole life 😭😂

[beardedpanda]

All my family and friends are around Kantou, mostly Kanagawa and Tokyo and I always hear them say women from Kyoto are the best at tatemae and that’s why they wouldn’t date them because it’s scary.

[stephenmutke]

The way you say Honne and Tatemae is so soothing.

[katakesh]

Not sure if I'm neuro divergent, but I have a hell of a time understanding people or expressing myself.

This is reassuring in a way. Really wish it was more common place

[CarlsCozyCorner]

In America, this would be considered incredibly rude. You would basically be rejecting someone without actually saying what you mean, thus leading the other person to guess what you mean. Just say what you mean and be mature about rejection.