Why I use timeouts to handle my toddler's tantrums #toddler #toddlertantrums #2yearsold #tantrum

[livjowen]

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to clarify something about my approach: When I ask my kiddo if they're ready to be happy, I don't mean they can't feel other stuff. We all know kids have a rollercoaster of emotions, right?

But when things get a bit out of hand, especially if someone's getting hurt, I give them a little time-out to chill. I say "happy and nice" because I want our home to be a happy, positive place where we all treat each other with love.

It's like a little motto we have, not a strict rule. I figure every parent's got their own way of doing things, so use whatever words work best for you during those time-outs!

[luckyjaff]

I loved his honest response ready to be happy? “No”😂

[erikabridges]

Hi Olivia, I’ve watched a number of your videos and you are clearly a loving mother striving to do her best for her children. Kudos to you. I do agree with many of the constructive comments here that the approach seems more oriented at addressing and training his behavior, not getting at the heart of helping him understand his emotions. Perhaps you are familiar with a book by Dr. John Gottman called “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child”. It’s excellent for addressing these sorts of situations in a way that teaches the child emotional awareness.

[merisoltis]

Children need their feelings validated - they shouldn't be pressured to be happy or punished until they feel happy. I am a psychotherapist so I know what I'm talking about

[dianecnicholsontwinheartan]

I've seen many households that did not allow emotions other than happy and nice. Their therapists are very rich.

[mzglo]

My then 18 month old son was throwing a tantrum in the car. I pulled over and asked him what i could do to help. He said, " Hold me." I held him. He has always been good at asking for what will help in a rough moment.

[Celeste-dpur]

The message is "only happy and nice is acceptable to me"
What would be wrong with comforting him while he's allowed to sit with the angry or sad feelings and learn that they pass on their own. As he grows up he then won't start stifling any 'unacceptable' anger/sadness/fear, potentially avoiding substance abuse or other destructive distraction mechanisms

[gabrielarad]

Emotional regulation is taught by coregulation. The adult (parent of carer) should help the child calm their big feelings by soothing him first e.g Hugs, gentle strokes, kisses. Once the child regains emotional balance you can then use the tantrum as a learning opportunity. Connecting first before redirecting, this looks like validating emotions and then setting limits around behaviour e.g it's ok to be angry, sad, scared... where did you feel that in your body?  ...but its not okay to hit, bite ect. Then you can discuss what the child could do instead. In the example depicted the child is very young, tantrums are developmentally appropriate. We should really expect them, as childrens brains lack the ability to regulate their own emotions. They only begin to understand this after the age of 5. Parents should be accepting of all emotions in their children its the behaviour that requiers redirection. Mum means well but could benefit from learning about emotional coaching and child brain development.

[DaniellaSamuel-hb]

I wonder how he can grow to tell mommy his honest feelings.

[nandiaconstantinou]

What the child has learned is that people abandon him when he is not happy.

[natabulous]

As someone who wasnt allowed to have feelings arpund my parents...
This hurts me, makes me cry inside
Your child can have his feelings
If you're overwhelmed you take a min to yourslef
If others are getting hurt, seperate
Make sure the hurt kid if ok
Then help the other get thier 'mad' OUT of them, let them express it SAFTLEY
They can punch a pillow, push a wall with two hands, do a shake dance ect..
My heart hurts seeing emotion being shut down

[lovleylovexoxo]

It should be ok to feel sad, acknowledge it and let it pass

[PrplMunkys]

This hurts my heart. This poor boy will grow up thinking that the only way his mother will talk to him is if he's happy. I grew up feeling like I always had to put on a brave face and be happy even when I wasn't. Even now I'm afraid to talk to my parents about my feelings and it shows in how I talk to others as well. I really hope you teach your kids that it's ok to have feelings of anger, frustration, sadness and everything that comes along with that. The objective should be how we teach out kids to regulate their emotions. Please, he's only 2. You can still work on this and improve. We're not even talking about discipline here, which I know you're trying to defend in the comments, it's about how we communicate to our children and how we want them to communicate with us.

[m.m.]

That would make me learn one thing: people will leave you when youre showing any other emotion than being happy, even those who "love" you.

[kowalchukm]

“You ready to be happy?”

Kid who doesn’t want to be left alone in the corner anymore “🥺yea”

Such genuine happiness lol

[moorenicola]

Filming your kids when theyre upset and uploading videos without their consent is abuse! Children have a right to privacy especially in their own home. They're her cash cow. It's disgusting. Also I've heard several child psychologists say making your child sit on the naughty step or time outs can be very damaging. You're literally isolating them when they're upset and vulnerable. You cannot treat a child's brain and emotions like an adult's.

[samn]

1. U should teach him it’s okay to feel sad.
2. U shouldn’t be filming urself disciplining ur children.

[DreamyGirl]

Imagine doing this to an adult... "Hey babe, i had such a tough day at work. I'm feeling ao frustrated"... "Well, it's time to be happy and nice!! Are you ready to be happy?" 😑😑😑

[Fanny-hsun]

I am from Germany, and wonder about this whole time-out thing, we simply do not use it here as much.
Tbh, I truly believe this child is far too young to be disciplined .. and for what?? His brain does not even have the capacity to handle strong emotion yet. On top of that, he is left alone for two minutes.. I find that ridiculous and heartbreaking.
Truly, what is the Science behind this?

[h.nicolejorgensen]

This child will grow up confused about why their feelings are being denied. Leave out the happy part. This is cruel 😢 You shouldn’t be punished for having contrary feelings.