“My entire paycheck goes to daycare. Should I stay home?”

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Carlos and Amanda, 36 and 28, to talk through a recurring issue in their relationship—her earning ability vs. the possibility of staying home with their kids. They recently moved out on their own and Carlos is in school to put himself in position for a higher income.

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[ramitsethi]

Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[rachels]

Saying that “he pays the bills” when she covers all of the daycare, grocery, and childcare costs is extremely inaccurate and devalues the work that she’s doing.

[akbarnaqvi]

Feels like their stated dynamic (Carlos being rational and Amanda being emotional) is entirely gender based stereotypes they've internalized. It's the exact opposite. Carlos has a history of making impulsive purchases, while Amanda is super analytical and excellent with numbers.

[aas]

The husband talks about how financially inclined he is, yet he’s run multiple businesses in the ground and now wants to start another one. What?

[elaynegiahoover]

I need to go hug my spouse, because he cooks and does laundry and is more involved in home-care than I am; and he has never once called my desire for financial security "being emotional.".

[madeleinedacey]

They say she is the more emotional one, but then give examples that seems extremely practical. Picking a house based on whether it is actually a good and safe place for the family to live is rational. The difference is in priorities.

It seems like he is the one making the emotional decision to rush into buying a house and she is making the practical decision to continue renting because it makes financial sense in their situation with the current interest rates.

He is the one who has made the irrational decision to go into debt for nice cars. Also continues to prioritize luxuries (cars, shoes, etc.) which I would class as an emotional rather than rational decision.

[lcn]

The kids are NOT solely mom’s responsibility. They are joint effort. She didn’t make them by herself! This kind of thinking is infuriating.

[jasminl]

This guy acts like he’s the head of the household when in reality he’s not. He has a smugness to him. Gives off the energy of someone that thinks he knows better. Give your wife the credit she deserves. Please humble yourself.

[alyssarivera]

Not him saying “she’s never had debt” so he doesn’t think she’s good with money.. 😒 that takes discipline, living within your means, he needs to learn to be more like her

[littlerunner]

Yeah, so she is paying groceries and childcare. WTF, that makes no sense. She is basically covering nearly as much as him when you add those two items together, but her income is much lower.

Also, he seems like what Ramit calls a "believer" - opening businesses, casino, expensive cars. That the business will be the fast ticket to wealth or something. She is much more grounded in reality.

He also made this weird statement that she is comfortable/nonchalant about money because she has never had to dig herself out of debt. I would argue the opposite. She never got into debt because she isn't nonchalant about money. She knew what debt meant in her early 20s, she understands how to budget. You don't need to get burned with car repossessions and student loans to understand money and building wealth.

[gaurinawathe]

Amanda is amazing. She should stand up for herself, demand the respect she deserves and make things fair. She shouldn't pay for childcare on her own. She should not feel pressured to earn more while she is clearly more invested in running her household. The husband should understand that he can't have his cake and eat it too. If you want a traditional relationship, then be the provider!

[annevaldez]

She is emotional because she’s overwhelmed and tired, not because she’s just emotional. She carries a lot of responsibilities. If he allows her to stay home, raise the kids, manage the money I think she will be empowered, happy and less emotional. She’ll feel supported by her husband as the provider too and he will keep the role of a leader in the family (which I think he needs for his ego)

[Capycorg]

She has 94% of income to fixed costs and he has 43%. And he makes more than her. This is COMPLETELY unfair. Unbelievable.

[lindsay]

Gosh. I should have seen this coming w/ him using the phrase "power couple." This man seems to want his wife to constantly prove herself to him or meet specific conditions. Openly admitting you didn't want to move in with your girlfriend, so so you set an arbitrary savings goal for her to "earn" it? Watching these convos happen so casually and be laughed about is such a bummer and if it were my friend, I'd be worried. She's got a stable job, covers the agreed upon life costs she's responsible for, stays within a budget plan consistently, and hopes to own a home one day & he has temporary work and aspires to side businesses. One of them lives a life that screams "I like stability AND to enjoy my money & life, " but it isn't him. Not sure why she's looked down on as unsophisticated. I don't understand where this current mindset comes from in so many men, but I suspect lower-quality podcasts are to blame.

[BigDogRoy]

You’re girl is right and she is smarter than you are. Get off your high horse. She is not comfortable or happy bro. She is raising kids on her own. You better learn to appreciate, respect your women and make time for your family.

[motivation]

She's so smart and mature. Being emotional is not a negative thing. People with higher EQ are normally smarter and wise.

[mr.courtney]

She’s trying to be a good wife and mother. He’s trying to live like a baller. Unequally yoked.

[joycef]

Amanda is one smart cookie and way more pragmatic than Carlos realizes. Such a sweet couple.

[FIREownyourtime]

She is the smarter one. He thinks he is good with money. He tries to do so many things but forgot about the important stuff, that is to pay yourself first and automate your retirement investing.

[michellegreen]

30:56 He gave her a challenge to save $15, 000 thinking she wouldn’t be able to do it and still believes she’s “complacent with money”. He’s playing a dangerous game and eventually will lose out.