Being an Unwanted Child Comes with a Lifetime of Trauma

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In this clip from Tim's Talk on Subtle Traumas, Tim talks about how the trauma of being unwanted as a child can start as early as in the womb, and how that can make a person's self-image negative from a very early age.

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[larkrowe]

Even if you are never told you were unwanted, even a child knows there's a difference between being tolerated and being cherished.

[cathietonkin]

You know when you aren’t wanted, and it never ever leaves you, even after they pass on!

[mysticat]

"Someone who was not fully invited into the world. They seem like visitors, outsiders who might leave any minute." 😢 The story of my life. ❤ Thank you.

[TudorRamona-ig]

It's weird because I am an unwanted child. However, I came to realise that I didn't need an invitation, I came on my own terms. I have found so much power in that, actually.

[SusannaSaunders]

Emotional Neglect and being unwanted as a child is utterly debilitating throughout your life.
It's the 'quiet' kind of trauma that went completely ignored for decades. I grew up in the 60s and it has scared my entire life.

[kassandraclinch]

I was unwanted to the point of being hated by my mother. She lied about it to everyone until she died and never was able to show me love. I do everything I can to make sure my children know how easy it is to love them and how glad I am to have them in my life.

[rouxfaces]

"someone who was not fully invited into the world" thats it.. in words.

[oldcrone]

People are not reliable. Love yourself and take good care.

[JeanMccreesh]

This continues with siblings rejecting you in later life. It's really so sad. The grief goes on. ❤

[allyubuntu]

I don't usually comment on videos because I feel like my thoughts are "unwanted", but this resonated with me so much and felt compelled to share. I was an “accident” and my parents would tell me and my brothers that they would take us to an orphanage when we made them mad. They would often say things like "i hate you and I wish you were never born". They even left my brothers on the side of the rode and drove away saying that the "new family" was going to pick them up, and drove down the street and picked them up a few minutes later. I now experience every result on that list. Feeling so unworthy of love, relationships, good jobs, even sabotage my own health because I feel deep down like I never should have existed in the first place. You really did a great job explaining exactly what it feels like to be an unwanted child and put words to things that I have felt but didn't know how to explain. I especially liked how you distinguished the unconscious wish to die as a separate point from "sewerslidal" fantasies. I really don't want to die, but ever since I was a kid I have felt deep down this wish to die gnawing at me like a hunger pang, but instead of starving for food, I was starving for love and belonging. It really is a LIFETIME of trauma, but understanding where our trauma comes from and knowing we're not alone is such a big step in the healing process. Thank you for everything you do to help people understand their trauma.

[copacetictranquillam]

I am an adoptee, late 60's, when they thought babies were a "blank slate".... we never get any recognition for our suffering. we're just supposed to be gratefull and keep our mouth shut, and smile

[j.svensson]

My parents did not want me and my father took every opportunity to TELL me as much. The emotional, physical, sexual abuse I lived through caused 67 yrs of damaged life. I've worked in therapy for 40 plus years but you can't undo the trauma. No child should be born unwanted. EVER

[TheRhonada]

I called myself an orphan child of living parents.

[simplypositiveme]

Tim, everything you said. The self loathing. The feeling of never belonging. The feeling of being a burden. That's HUGE in my life. Always worrying about of someone is mad at me or I'm interfering in their time. I truly don't even know where to start but you are so spot on. THANK YOU. I had collic as a baby my mother said so I would think that further interfered in the bonding. My mom only pays attention to my older brother. She only cares about him. I'm invisible or she's passive aggressive.

[sandy]

I was most definitely unplanned and unwanted. Fortunately Grandma filled many many of my needs. Saved me in so many ways.

[monacaensam]

What if you were a practical joke played by your mother on your father - 12 years after the birth of the oldest child. Misogynistic and emotionally absent father and a mother that was chronically severely depressed and periodically abusive. I was pretty much left to raise myself. And being a daughter- was taught early on that being female was bad, having any needs was selfish, and you darn well better be quiet and agreeable- or else!

[elizabethwilliams]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[AymeTinawi]

When my daughter was 4 she asked me “mommy do you remember when you and daddy had a fight and you went into the little blue bathroom and cried”? She then mimicked what I did during that event which was to sit on the floor of the bathroom and hug my knees to my chest. I remembered that scenario n clearly. The strange thing about her question is that I was 3 months pregnant with her when that happened and never told her of that fight after she was born. She even knew the color theme in the bathroom because it was in fact, blue.

She was also a twin, but my body absorbed the other fetus by my 8 week checkup. I found out I was pregnant very early and the twin was visible using the “dildo cam” internal ultrasound. When my girl was about 5, she told my dad that she had a little brother that didn’t make it.

Fetuses know a lot more than we think that they do.

[KL-xiuk]

The worst is when the child hated by the parent becomes the parent hated by the child.

[reneenordeen]

Adopted in 68, at 2 weeks old. I was always told I should be grateful by everyone and treated like I was an endentured servant that had better know my place and ridiculed mercilessly. Which caused me to be the entertainer of the family and to fawn over everyone, just short of worshipping the ground they walk on, because they expected it. Let's just say, at 55, I'm over it and no longer talk to any of them.