What to Do When Your Ex Is Depressed or Has a Mental Illness

Clay Andrews discusses what to do if your ex is depressed or has a mental illness.

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It’s not a great situation to be in if your ex is depressed after breaking up. Or if they just struggle with depression in general.

The same can be true of people who have an ex with a mental illness such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, manic depression, etc.

But in situations like this the important thing to keep in mind is our golden rule: How you found them is how they are likely to stay.

This means that there really isn’t anything that you can expect to do that will cure your ex or fix them or that the power of your love will heal them.

I’m sorry.

It’s too much to put on you, and it’s unrealistic as well.

Instead, you have to come to terms with the fact that your ex is depressed or has a mental illness.

You have to accept that that is the type of person that they are.

Then you have to ask yourself if this is something that you can put up with in your life? Do you want to get back together and be in a relationship with a depressed person or someone who has a mental illness?

Whatever your answer is, whether it’s yes or no, is perfectly fine.

What’s important is that you are honest with yourself.

And then be willing to embrace the consequences of your decision.

If you choose to get back together when your ex has depression, then understand that you are getting into a relationship with someone who has depression.

You can’t fix it.

You can’t cure it.

Your love won’t make it go away.

If you’re okay with that, then that’s fine. Just know what you’re walking into.

And then be okay with being in a relationship with a depressed person, or a narcissist, or manic depressive, or someone with BPD, or whatever mental illness your ex may have.

Disclaimer: This video is not and should not be mistaken for the advice of a qualified professional who understands your situation or your ex’s situation. Go see a psychologist or psychiatrist and do what they tell you to do. This video was made by a person on the internet with no knowledge that should be taken as anything other than entertainment.

[MahmudReyad]

Huh, it’s really hard to be with such a person who has obsessive insecurity, strong negative ego, jealousy, doubting, and the worst part is they know their problems but never admit and work on...dealing with one, getting heartbroken every day... :(

[AnnetteRCrotty]

Another great piece of advice if you want to continue a relationship with someone who is mentally ill or has a personality disorder. Take the time to learn about their disorder. Humans want to be understood and want to have connections with people who are genuinely supportive and empathetic.

[staceya.]

My ex broke up with me because of his illness. We were perfect and then his mood swings changed him overnight. It’s been a month since he started distancing himself and 10 days since we broke up and went NC. I miss him so much.

[Adar]

Glad I found this video, me and my ex didn’t have no problems in our relationship till a family member of hers passed away a few months ago. Sorta realize while we was together that she has depression issues and a bad habit of cutting people off and pushing them away whenever a situation goes wrong and I ended up being one of them sadly. Still care for her and her family till this day since we broke up, I guess moving forward was the right thing for us to do

[ciscohour]

How you found them is exactly how they will leave you. These folks don't change. Never give an ex a second chance who has depression/bpd, etc. They will leave you again. They will never be happy. If you try to make them happy when they are down, you will be cast out to sea. Just don't do it.

[zixin]

I broke up with my depressed ex 5 times and finally we are done for good. She kept coming back and I kept accept her. I didn’t have much experience and she was my first love. We live in the same town so we see each other sometimes. Every time I see her I feel like my world gone the darkest - I suddenly lost all my motivation and just try to get out of there.

[jamieganster]

I can’t believe how big a deal fear of commitment is until just lately. That explains a lot about the hot and cold behavior.

[rezamahawatkhan]

It's great if you can live with someone who got mental health problems, but lots of them you'll get over them. Lots of people get over depression, borderline and psychosis. They happen at the point in people's life when they're under the most stress. Let's say in your twenties.

[TheJunxiang]

My ex broke up with me because she thinks that she was mentally abusing me, because of the insecurities, and she can't deal with the stress for being in a relationship anymore. Yet I do really love her and I want to stay, but she just refused any sorts of contacts and even blocked me on social media. What are my chances

[ketzk]

My ex wrote me a card saying she loved me and wanted to move in with me, the next day she said I couldn't support her and that she needed time away from me, she has bipolar disorder.
I initially contacted her but she is ghosting me, I've decided the no contact rule, will she ever be in touch? I miss her, seems like she hates me, if been blocked on all social medias expect Pinterest which she's blogging some pretty harsh stuff like quotes, seemingly about me, our relationship. It's like she flipped overnight, all I want is to help her and for her to come back, but how can I if she doesn't let me?

[Lynore_Marie]

As someone with anxiety, I'd like to say that mental illness is a disease of the brain, just like heart failure, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure are diseases of the cardiovascular system, MS is a disease of the central nervous system, diabetes is an endocrine disease, Emphysema and COPD are diseases of the pulmonary system, lupus, IBS, Hashimotos, rheumatoid arthritis, chrohns, and many more are all diseases of the autoimmune system, etc.... My point is that being in a relationship with someone who has any disease can be extremely challenging. Clay, I'm a huge fan. I love what you are doing with your videos, websites, courses, etc. They have helped me tremendously in my current relationship, and have helped thousands more, but.... If you are going to cover diseases/illnesses, please don't single out mental illness, it's no different than any other disease/illness.

[solidn]

My ex left me because she couldn't control me. She genuinely left me because I didn't cut my hair or dress the way she wanted. I stood my ground and she didn't like that so left. It's been 2 months and she still hasn't reached out. It sucks that she would leave me over something so minor specially when I was so good to her. She'd been saying it since day one. She believed I would eventually listen but I never did and the anger built up and she left. I was not comfortable with the style she wanted so I refused. I think she had a mental illness called borderline personality disorder. She was so serious about the hair thing that at one point she cut herself and cried just so I would listen to her. It was all about control to her, without control I was no use, so she discarded me.

[trishatherealest]

As someone that suffers from depression, I ghosted a guy I really loved 3 years ago and we haven't spoken since because I just wasn't in a good space in my life and I mean I REALLY wasn't okay.

I'm one person who just doesn't talk about her problems and tends to withdraw whenever bad sh*t happens to me in life as a way to... I guess... protect myself which is a really bad habit. I really hate dragging people into my problems. I hate feeling like a burden. I'd rather suffer alone than to drag someone into my misery. He had everything in life( great career, a car, an apartment, amazing parents and family, etc ) while I hardly had those things and that alone just made me feel like I wouldn't be the best person for him. I felt he was going to reject me. I feel like he was the right person but wrong time. My fears got in the way hence I had to leave to work on myself. I don't care how long it will take for me to get where I wanna be but I won't rush it. I still have a long way to go damn!!!

I'm sitting here hoping that wherever he is, he's happy and that I'm really sorry. It hurts because I still love him and miss him so much and I hope he forgives me and one day understands why i had to go. I hope we cross pathes one day but if we don't then that's okay, life goes on.

I miss you. ❤

[Tanokops]

I used to date a bipolar girl for about several months, at first i'm trying to be supportive and caring, but I got some abuse from her, such as silent treatment, being isolated from communication (she blocked me several times), being gaslighted, and be an emotional punching bag, while she's having fun with all her friends like there's nothing happened. And eventually it's triggering my anxiety disorder.

It makes me questioning myself, because i'm still in love with her, but i can't go any further. So, I told her that we need to separate our ways. She was crying a lot, but i'm trying to comfort her, and i told her that if i go on, I might hurting her or abusing her verbally. Furthermore, i told her that i'm still in love with her, that's why i have to walk away. Because i need to protect both of us, but i'm giving my assurance that i'll be there for her in case she needs me.

At first, she doesn't take that, and told me if i needed time, then she'll be waiting for me. But, i told her i can't give any certainty for that. I also told her to move on, and do whatever she had to do.

She was on denial, and told me that she'll be a good friend of mine, and she'll always supports me.

It's been two weeks, and she's still on treating me like how a gf treats her bf.

Help me, i'm not good at leaving people because i always being the one who got left behind. But on this case, i'm afraid if I go on, i might hurt her later. But if i told her to move on right away, she might experiencing a meltdown (and i've alrrady told her to move on directly in a conversation).

On the other hand, I knew that bipolar person could live "normally" with medication and therapy. But i'm afraid on taking a risk, because i'm mentally exhausted.

[dylanowen]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago because of her depression, saying she needed to deal with this on her own and didn't want to drag me down with her. She was diagnosed with severe depression after the breakup. I love her so much and want to help her in any way I can, I just don't know if she still feels the same way about me.

[Birdsandclover]

My friend was living with this girl who has schizoaffective disorder. He bought her the meds she needed out of pocket. She refused to take them for fear of gaining any more weight. He gave her everything she asked for. He moved her across the state so she could be closer to her family. She was in a rough state when they met. But he helped her. But when he hit a rough patch. Did she help him? HELL NO. She took off with the guy she was cheating with. I pray to God above that her karma bites her in her fat ass!

[ryanxx]

my ex her mom went on a buisness trip for 5 days. 3 days in my ex cried for her mom. she is 22. I still loved her. and I want her back still

[TheGothKitten]

My boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me 2 days ago, I knew that he's been stressed out from his job and he's been depressed and been having anxiety, but when he broke up with me he said that he loves me and that he doesn't want to break up but something has just been feeling wrong lately and that he doesn't know what it is and idk what to make of it

[Indian]

Such a cruel and mean way to do leaving someone as you realise he/she needs you the most! I won’t leave instead help in overcoming the disease. Where would he go if I leave him…

[Malickbey]

My ex have been SA and almost 🍇 by his coworker in workplace, and she stopped talking to me. it has been one and half month now, first she blocked me without telling me anything than she come back after two weeks and told me she love me, and she missed me but she can not do it anymore and she told me what is the reason for breaking up, i listen to her, didn't judge her and told her i am here for her. i still want to support her to recover but still she blocked me again, since we are long distance relationship, i am unable to visit her. please tell me doctor what should i do? should I move on with my life? or should I wait for her to heal and come back? please give me an advice. as thinking about it killing me mentally.