'If you betray me, then I have to see you differently' Jordan Peterson - Grey's Model

"I'm a lot more gullible than I thought I was, for example" - Dr. Peterson on betrayal and perceptive mismatches

One of the most widely accepted theories in terms of biological models in psychology is the biopsychological theory of personality proposed by Jeffrey Alan Gray in 1970. Gray hypothesized two systems controlling behavioral activity, the behavioural inhibition system (BIS) and the behavioural activation system (BAS).

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[bluedog]

I saw another lecture of his where he said that betrayal destroys the past. After the betrayal one never knows quite who they were dealing with before. Made a lot of sense to me.

[jasong]

Assuming other people care like we do is our down fall.

[Dontdrinkblinkerfluidplease]

10 years of therapy in 5 minutes and 8 seconds.

[brookswoodward]

It's pretty humbling when you get duped by people you trusted. It takes awhile to retool your thinking. But you will and be whole and even stronger.

[CorzIlla]

if someone shows you who they are. LISTEN.

[jaredgilstrap]

Betrayal is never from an enemy. Only from the people we "know" and trust.

[michaelterry]

I would like to thank the Canadian tax payers for this free education.

[Milestonemonger]

My expectations were based on what aught to be, rather than what is. I paid for that naivete dearly.

[mariel]

It also works in reverse. Peterson talks about being betrayed but the one betraying often has to build a false perception of themselves and others to justify their behavior. This is why they will assume negative intentions on the people they hurt even without evidence. They believe the person deserves to be mistreated which justifies their actions towards them and also eases the anxiety they feel realizing they are not nice people. If the betrayer can convince themselves that people deserve their abuse they rework it as carrying out justice, they see themselves as righteous.

[mahaffeylevi]

Yeah once betrayed you never see the person the same. You attitude your behavior towards that individual is forever indifferent.

[picklesnoname]

When you’ve been truly betrayed, you understand this in your bones. I’ve watched at least 30 times.

[gchase]

Well said, and defined: "once you betray me, I HAVE to see you differently"

Helped me figure a lot of things out a while back

[bradhuygens]

"This is an oversimplification"
*Proceeds to say something that confuses me*

[Mister_Merzen]

After my best friend of over a decade slept with my girl friend, I never was the same person. They tried to play it off like it was nothing, but my livelihood was directly affected and my path was completely changed. I still struggle to fight my demons at night even 3 years later... remember guys, if you betray someone you have exploited your goodness...

[this_mfr]

This is such a difficult thing to do. Especially when you realize that you being betrayed isn't your fault, but theirs. Because then you understand that you can't go through life trying to know if betrayal is around every corner - its actually nonsensical because the whole idea of betrayal is that someone is pretending to be something they aren't, right? And so what happens is your detector gets more fine tuned, but that only causes you to filter out those who match your detector's sensitivity level. So you filter out those who you KNOW are the type, but the more sophisticated ones sneak through. And then you get burned again, so you tune your detector, and at the end of the day you only continually filter out those types whom you've had experience with. As a result, you end up with this never-ending cycle of filtering out the easy ones just to be left with the more sophisticated ones.

And the more sophisticated ones can go on putting on an act and hiding their true self for years. YEARS.

So what do you do? How far do you take the "testing" period of seeing if someone is trustworthy, when you could just be encountering someone very sophisticated in their dishonesty and sneakiness?

It leaves you with the realization that this is just the human condition. Part of being human is being betrayed. And part of being human is being dishonest.

You have to either (a) Decide you won't trust anyone and filter everyone out or (b) pick a reasonable measure of trustworthiness and take your chances. Have the courage to trust. And if you get burned, it wasn't your fault. We are NEVER at fault for being lied to or betrayed, especially if you've taken reasonable measure to prevent it. You can't spend every waking second testing trustworthiness, and so at some point you have to say "I trust this person, but I am also fully aware and accept that they are human and can screw up like everyone else."

And that...THAT is the true sign of healing and courage.

It is something I still struggle with, but it is the human condition.

[KittayLove]

The way I explain it is... Before someone betrays you, you’re like that kid who believes in the magic of Christmas and all the fairytales. But after betrayal, you’re like the child who discovers that Santa isn’t real, and there’s no such thing as fairytales. And as the devastation of your new reality slowly decreases, you find yourself as the mature, wise, and cautious adult who knows better, and can no longer go back to that innocent child who believed in the magic of Christmas. Betrayal robs you of your innocent view of the world. You can not go back to who you were, or how you viewed things. I’m of the belief that it’s truly one of the worst things a person can experience.

[joedonapoli]

If you step on someone (betray them ) don’t be surprised if they step on you as well. The one great benefit of betrayal is that it gives you insight into your own flaws where you can then correct them, and it also reveals to you what that other person essentially is/acts as. Don’t be naive and be vigilant.

[truthseeker]

This is exactly what happend when i found out that my ex-wife was cheating on me. You just freeze and your whole brain starts to question the model that you have built for that person and try to reinterpret your shared moments. As much as I wanted to forgive, i took the common sense way of moving on since as dr Jordan said, you can't see that person ever the same, unless that person changes 180 degrees, which has happened with a friend that was mean to me.

[djrdjr]

Gullible me had to accept my entire family are liars and poisonous to my emotional health.

[taz_trader]

I am binge watching jordan peterson lectures on all things betrayal, and self consciousness and it's helping deal with recent betrayal. It's already helping me rewire my process of judgement, actions and moral compass for good.