Mindblindness

[ardentdrops]

I frequently get compliments on my emotional intelligence and my ability to meaningfully connect with others on an emotional level. The truth is, a childhood of mind blindness and the miserable consequences have traumatized me into a constant state of emotional hypervigilance. Now I'm equally as stressed but at least people think I'm nice.

[JamesPotts]

This is how my son can be full of empathy, while simultaneously being "non-empathic." He cares extremely about others' experiences, but has great difficulty recognizing what others actually care about.

[codylundin]

Tbf, this kind of discussion should be applied to all people; not just austistics. We all can learn from this. Thank you Dave!

[BuzzFoster]

I appreciate this so much. I was diagnosed 8 years ago, yet just pushed it away until last year. When I finally accepted it, I realized that, though I didn't have the words like "mind blindness" yet, I was instantly aware that my first marriage ended because of it. I finally talked with my ex via Zoom, and it was hard, but I apologized to him for the way it had made him feel. And I could at long last let go of the anger I carried for so long. He wasn't at fault. Nobody was. I'm very fortunate now that I am married to the man who suspected that I was autistic and had me tested. He adapted himself to me, and when I was ready to accept my diagnosis, he was 100% supportive.

[k_a_bizzle]

I was just diagnosed with autism at 32. I wonder why some of us fly under the radar for so long? It has definitely helped me recontextualize my childhood and early adulthood. Thanks for your perspective Dave!

[AskMeWhen]

As a man of almost 50 years of age, I just recently realized I am on the spectrum. I’ve struggled over the years with misinterpreting my wife’s dialog with me. It’s refreshing to know that I am not alone. I am hoping this video will show her what I can never seem to explain to her so that she can understand it. Thanks so much Dave. Informative video as always!

[JanDahl]

Sometimes I want to share your videos with colleagues. Sometimes I want to share your videos with my friends. This is one that should go to both groups, and wife, and family, and probably exes along with an apologetic chocolate box.

[ctmyrvc]

I have the opposite problem. I can put myself in anyone else's perspective to the point that it is paralyzing. Sometimes I feel more connected to other people than myself.

[moddaudio]

Being overly analytical, it took me a long time to figure out people. Once I realized that humans are a very social animal, I began to realize that the truth, for most people, is much more fluid. It is based on social rewards, not pissing off their in-group. Demonizing their out-group is really just a way to reinforce their in-group 'superiority', which is a feel good feedback loop. But ultimately it is sense of belonging that shapes ones views, the truth is what ever maximizes social rewards. This is why there is so much hate from an otherwise rational animal.

[grahambourne]

Thank you Dave, as you told me years ago understanding is key. I recently had a moment of clarity with my occupational therapist of 3 years.
"my reliance on routine and fear of change are hindering my personal growth" Simple statement but for me life changing!
I actually felt a load was released and shed a tear (i am a 50 year old tradesman) my therapist mentioned she couldn't have told me this, I needed to observe myself to really benefit

[Psikeomega]

Most of my friends are tech/IT people and also very neurodiverse, myself also being autistic and previously a network engineer of 10 years professionally, but an avid tech user my entire life. I got into construction later in my life because I get to have fun every single day and it is a very heavy autistic community so I fit in. Now Im an esteemed autistic member of the construction community that also has a data center in his basement.

I really need to start sharing more of your videos with friends and coworkers.

[Minty]

as someone who has this problem really bad, in my opinion the worst part is it feels like everyone assumes the worst. I just try to make a point, state my opinion, whatever, and it seems fine from my perspective, and they say it was rude or offensive, and often people interpret stuff exactly opposite to how I intended.

[lucidmoses]

The quote, "Be careful what you wish for" comes to mind. Being on the other end of that particular trait causes much troubles as well.

[CerdurTV]

ive noticed that my main prpblem is projecting my current mood onto other people and contextualizing their actions with that in mind. i struggle with depression and realized that i interpret other peoples actions as if they were also bored or unhappy. i've had an easier time enjoying socializing after realizing other people are having a better time than me

[jlpjlp]

For me it is like being on the outside looking in through a cloudy window, or being the last guy in the room to see the big picture.

[Brad_Myers]

Of all the Dave's Garage's I've seen, this may be the best and most important to me.

[thenorthernerupnorth]

Ive been in IT for nearly 40 years and I've struggled with being handed tasks and projects. The brief never made sense, I'd go back to the Director to get 'a fresh view' of what was requested. Finally, the penny would drop, and my brain would make sense of what I needed to do.

I'm incredibly lucky I had a director who took the time to re explain several times before I got it. When I did, for the Director it was set and forget, I think he liked that. Can't help wondering if he suspected I had a different thought process to other people. The fact that he accommodated it I can only thank him for.

[mrosebro]

I work with special needs kids, including tho not limited to autism. I kind of already sort of knew what you spoke about here, but you gave it a perspective I never really considered. I am sharing this video, and recommending all my coworkers if not everyone watches it.

[jdogg]

Dave, much appreciate what you're doing here. The word Mindblindness immediately caught my attention. I intuitively new I had to watch and see what you had to say. I couldn't believe how accurately this short conversation describes the difficulties I've had in my personal life understanding and interpreting the difference between BIG-T and little-t truths. I had a few years at work where I couldn't understand why my leadership couldn't understand why what I was telling them was the absolute truth. I couldn't see that there was another Truth out there that I had yet to understand. I've found myself taking more and more opportunities to think about my understanding of my own framework before I express things to others, making sure I see and understand all sides of an issue or concern. Finally have a name for what I've been struggling with!

[Gridl]

The sales guys would frequently take me along on customer visits to answer technical questions. After we left I would listen to the sales guys talk about what the customer was saying and what they were sure the customer was going to do. I had been sitting in the same room they were but saw and heard none of the mystery signals / communication they did. I often felt like I must have been absent the day mind reading skills were handed out. Fortunately my wife refers to me as being a nerd and likes me that way.